Farming Columnist - Denis Lehane

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#Farming Columnist - Denis Lehane

Lighten Up

A COMPREHENSIVE SERIES OF ARTICLES ON THIS TOPIC

<p>The 'armchair farmer' is he backbone of the rural community, according to our Auld Lehane. Picture: </p>

farming

10 Budget Proposals for the struggling, aged and love-hungry farmer

With the budget closing in faster than a hungry sow after sniffing out a bucket of slop, our Auld Lehnane has put together 10 sound budget proposals on behalf of struggling, aged and love-hungry farmers.

Denis Lehane: All revved up for the Cork '20' Rally

<p>Denis Lehane at the National Ploughing championships where he met his new robot friend.</p>

farming

Denis Lehane: Buying a Robot at the ploughing

Lighten Up: Will Trump head to the ploughing?

Denis Lehane: Saying goodbye to Dolly and hello to the lolly

Auld Lehane's sound farm advice for Zuckerberg

Lighten up! Denis Lehane and Cónal Creedon take centre stage at Macroom mart

Lighten up! — Auld Lehane’s 21 years of Farming fun

21 years of "bluffing away" has only been a mere flash in the pan for our Auld Lehane, writes Denis in this week's Lighten Up.

Tue, 25 Aug, 2026

Radio Tower in Queensland

Lighten Up: Should RTÉ Cork move to the country?

Mick Dundee got on fine in New York, and RTÉ will get on fine here in Kilmichael too, once they get used of the dark... and the people, writes our auld Lehane.

Mon, 17 Aug, 2026

Tiara and Red Roses

Lighten Up: Auld escorts for the Rose of Tralee

At this year's Rose of Tralee, if you spot any escort looking a little long in the tooth, or perhaps with no teeth at all, rest assured — they are the men recommended by our auld Lehane

Mon, 10 Aug, 2026

Men wearing black shoes, standing in front of the red brick.

Denis Lehane: Men wearing short pants is an epidemic in West Cork this summer. It has to stop

Spotting not one, but three so-called 'cattle men' at the mart wearing short pants was too much for Auld Lehane

Mon, 03 Aug, 2026

Tattooed caucasian barman pouring beer while standing in pub.

Lighten Up: Brewery doors must be swung open to deal with the summer thirst

With the fine weather showing no signs of letting up, and with drinking water only available to thirsty cows and infants, something proactive has to be done, writes our Auld Lehane.

Mon, 27 Jul, 2026

pouring martinis

Lighten Up: Teagasc survey makes us cattle farmers look like playboys!

The Teagasc report has had our Auld Lehane bamboozled all week with its talk of a tremendous rise in profits out of beef farming.

Mon, 20 Jul, 2026

Lighten Up: Fields of Skibbereen beat the gardens of New York any day

Lighten Up: Fields of Skibbereen beat the gardens of New York any day

Our Auld Lehane's plans to launch his book in the Big Apple almost ended in disaster, in this week's Lighten Up

Wed, 15 Jul, 2026

US-ENTERTAINMENT-MUSIC-NFL-SWIFT-KELCE

Lighten Up: Taylor Swift's wedding, almost as good as Puck Fair

Attending Taylor Swift's wedding in New York, was almost as exciting as spending the weekend back at Puck, writes our Auld Lehane

Wed, 08 Jul, 2026

Tesla Cybertruck display at a dealership. Tesla offers the Cybertruck with driving range of up to 334 miles. MY:2025

Lighten Up: Dear Elon, any chance of a loan?

For while he knows all the tricks of the farming trade, the trick of making money out of cattle is the one trick that eludes our Denis, so he has gone to trillionaire Elon Musk for advice

Mon, 29 Jun, 2026

Small crop circle in a wheat field in Dorset

Lighten Up: Alien encounters on the farm

Auld Lehane's alien encounters could well be a case for the Mulder and Scully

Sun, 28 Jun, 2026

AI prompt chat bot. Search website to generate data, text or image. Man using computer with artificial intelligence app. Virtual

Denis Lehane: Some help with my writing from the AI man

My spelling is uafásach, writes our Auld Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 15 Jun, 2026

Denis Lehane: Did JK Rowling help bring in the silage?

Denis Lehane: Did JK Rowling help bring in the silage?

Some magic was involved in bringing in so much so quickly, writes our Auld Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 01 Jun, 2026

Moonrise over farmland

Taking Auld Lehane to infinity and beyond

As President Kennedy once said: 'We go to the moon, not because it's easy, but because it's hard.' And taking cattle to the moon will certainly be hard, writes our Auld Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 18 May, 2026

Lighten up: Cork World Book Fest brings city and country together

Lighten up: Cork World Book Fest brings city and country together

Like a sow hearing the rattle of a bucket in a faraway yard, when our Denis Lehane heard about Cork World Book Fest, he just knew he had to be there

Tue, 05 May, 2026

Dancing crowd and lights at a music event

Lighten Up: From bullocks to Bolton — it's time to turn marts into nightclubs

Let the of sound of Michael Bolton and Gloria Estefan ring out, where normally the sound of the lonesome weanling bull can be heard, writes our our Auld Lehane

Mon, 27 Apr, 2026

Lighten Up: Auld Lehane's top tips for curing the Easter bloat

Lighten Up: Auld Lehane's top tips for curing the Easter bloat

If the urge to go mad on the Easter goodies to satisfy the hunger and thirst after the long 40 days of Lent got the better of ye, fear not. Auld Lehane has the solution

Tue, 07 Apr, 2026

US-ENTERTAINMENT-FILM-AWARD-RED CARPET-ARRIVALS

Lighten Up: Why the Oscars needs to come to the Green Glens

The National Ploughing Championships changes venue every few years, and this always adds a fresh spark to the adventure... the Oscars could do the same by moving to Millstreet

Mon, 09 Mar, 2026

Horse Racing

Lighten Up: Auld Lehane back in the saddle for Cheltenham

As you might expect, the elite in the horse racing world were soon beating a path to my door, the offers came in fast and furious

Mon, 02 Mar, 2026

Working tools for cleaning snow in a snowfall. Shovels.

Lighten Up: It's a wrap (a silage wrap) for Brad Pitt in West Cork

So for the past year, or thereabouts, Brad Pitt has been with me here on the farm in Kilmichael, learning all the skills of the trade, writes Denis Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

Sat, 21 Feb, 2026

Neustadt in Holstein, Germany - August 4, 2019, European Folklore Festival

Lighten Up: Only Michael Flatley can save us from the rain

Our Auld Lehane says he is struggling hard to remember a time in rural Ireland when we didn't have rain, as he reflects on a month of endless rain in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 16 Feb, 2026

Roses, two glasses of red wine and candles on desk

Auld Lehane's advice for frugal farmers on Valentine's Day

Diamonds might be a girl's best friend, but they are no friend of mine, writes our Auld Lehane, as he gives his top tips ahead of Valentine's Day

Mon, 09 Feb, 2026

Dancing shoes of young couple dance retro jazz swing dances on a ballroom club wooden floor, close up view of shoes, female and

The Beckham wedding... Finally, auld Lehane discloses what he saw that night

Denis Lehane follows Brooklyn Beckham's Insta post with his own bombshell revelations about THAT first dance — but it's not what you might expect. Of course, it's this week's Lighten Up

Thu, 05 Feb, 2026

Cosplayer

Auld Lehane's New York adventure continues

I was in New York recently, with many people now wondering what the heck I was doing there. "You hardly go to Kilmurry for the paper," one old fellow said to me after mass on Sunday.

Sun, 18 Jan, 2026

The Statue of Liberty over the Scene of New york cityscape river side which location is lower manhattan,Architecture and buildin

Lighten Up: Auld Lehane... On the ground in New York City

New York... it's like Macroom on a fair day, only multiplied by 10, writes our Auld Lehane from the 'Big Apple'

Mon, 12 Jan, 2026

Two donkeys

Lighten Up: A girl's best friend — how Sophie Ellis-Bextor fell for an Irish donkey

T'was like a story straight out of Shrek, only with a pop giant instead of an ogre, writes our auld Lehane this week.

Mon, 29 Dec, 2025

mechanical bull

Lighten Up: A Christmas rodeo at the mart

Ever a man to spot an opportunity, our auld Lehane has fixed upon a great scheme to further enhance our cattle marts standing in the world, in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 15 Dec, 2025

Young woman is stealing at store, shop, boutique at shopping mall. Shoplifting concept.

Lighten Up: Guarding Cork's Christmas knickers

Thirty years ago, if you were looking for Auld Lehane, you wouldn't find him out here on this farm in Kilmichael, busily carrying buckets across the yard to feed two hungry calves...

Mon, 08 Dec, 2025

Young pilot candidate receiving flight training meets with the tower

Lighten Up: Tractor pilots wanted

Auld Lehane, the self-declared Lord Byron of Irish farming, has a poem this week to lift the spirit, and indeed the finances, of the struggling farmer.

Tue, 02 Dec, 2025

BBC Satellite Dishes, West London

There's some truth in the cattle mart rumours that Auld Lehane could soon be running the BBC

From chit-chatting to royalty to cleaning out the loo, there's no job our Auld Lehane says he wouldn't tackle, in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 24 Nov, 2025

Lighten Up: Gabriel Byrne — the sexiest man in Irish farming

Lighten Up: Gabriel Byrne — the sexiest man in Irish farming

The 80s were a great time to be an Irish farmer. We were like Tom Cruise on a Massey, writes Denis in this week's Lighten Up

Sat, 15 Nov, 2025

Video surveillance camera in the backyard of a country house

Lighten Up: A calving camera could save Oireachtas TV

There is a prevailing fear that Oireachtas news (at bedtime) could go the way of Bosco and Wanderly Wagon, writes Denis in this week's Lighten Up

Sat, 08 Nov, 2025

King Charles III Records Podcast With Cate Blanchett And Dr Elinor Breman For Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew's Seed Bank 25th Annive

Lighten Up: Nurturing the seed with Cate Blanchett

If you have some quirky-looking plant sprouting up in the back field that you think Kew Gardens, and indeed Cate Blanchett herself, would be interested in, why not give them a call?

Sat, 01 Nov, 2025

Taylor Swift

Lighten Up: Taylor Swift should sing the praises of 'Cattle Dealer'

Denis lauds the virtues of 'Cattle Dealer' a song by two boyos from north Cork who go by the name of HubCap

Fri, 10 Oct, 2025

Exhibition / new tractors lined up next to each other in a row

Lighten up: Auld Lehane's top 10 budget proposals to help struggling farmers

With Budget 2026 closing in faster than the plastic being stretched over a freshly-made silage pit, Denis Lehane has a shortlist of measures to encourage farmers to stick with the job

Sun, 05 Oct, 2025

Lighten up: Ould Lehane has finally found his element in Positive Ageing Week

Lighten up: Ould Lehane has finally found his element in Positive Ageing Week

The Early Retirement Scheme was just like the car scrappage scheme — but we old lads are totally different now, writes Denis Lehane

Thu, 02 Oct, 2025

1998 Robert Redford stars in "The Horse Whisperer."

Lighten Up: Robert Redford and the bullock whisperer

For a farmer, whispering is part and parcel of rural life, writes our Auld Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

Tue, 23 Sep, 2025

CTAOP's Night Out 2021: Fast And Furious

Denis Lehane: A hairy time at the ploughing

From Dáithí Ó Sé, to Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, you can never tell who will come bounding out of a Portaloo door or squelching around a muddy corner, writes Denis Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 15 Sep, 2025

Counting Money Hands Holding Euro Bills, Examining the Value of Cash and Currency Assets

Lighten Up: The ploughing... like Cannes, only better!

With this year's newfound wealth, the Ploughing is going to be like the Venice Film Festival, only without the boats, and a lot more boots, writes our auld Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 08 Sep, 2025

AFC Championship Game: Buffalo Bills v Kansas City Chiefs

Lighten Up: Why our Auld Lehane reckons Taylor Swift could get married in Ireland

I never thought we'd be complaining about cattle being too expensive, but here we are, writes Denis in this week's Lighten Up.

Sat, 30 Aug, 2025

Lighten Up: A royal jeep for the farm

Lighten Up: A royal jeep for the farm

The Queen's jeep is a yoke that has very little hard pulling done, and the perfect buy for any farmer, according to our Auld Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

Thu, 14 Aug, 2025

BET Awards 2025 - Show

Lighten Up: Ageless Mariah Carey - A new 'hero' of Irish farming

The greatest problem in Irish farming today, bar finding a wife, is ageing, so anti-ageing queen Mariah Carey could be the new hero Irish farmers need, writes our auld Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 11 Aug, 2025

Farm and milk truck arriving

Lighten Up: The milk lorry gives me the heebie-jeebies

The rumble of that truck, the air of panic, the struggle to finish a job I wish I had never started, all became too much to handle, writes our Denis in this week's Lighten Up

Mon, 04 Aug, 2025

Áras an Uachtaráin

Lighten Up: Auld Lehane for president

Our Auld Lehane is busy packing his bags for a new life in Áras an Uachtaráin as Ireland's premier, in this week's Lighten Up

Sat, 26 Jul, 2025

RICHARD HARRIS, THE FIELD, 1990

Denis Lehane: Glenroe and The Field taught me more about farming than any classroom

Richard Harris as The Bull McCabe taught me more about farming passion than any advice from a whiteboard ever did

Sat, 19 Jul, 2025