10 Budget Proposals for the struggling, aged and love-hungry farmer
The 'armchair farmer' is he backbone of the rural community, according to our Auld Lehane. Picture:
With the budget closing in faster than a hungry sow after sniffing out a bucket of slop, I have put together 10 sound budget proposals on behalf of struggling, aged and love-hungry farmers.
Farmers who badly need someone, like Auld Lehane, fighting in their corner.
This is a priority. Minister, would you ever throw a bucket of money at RTÉ and insist they bring back Glenroe.
IMMEDIATELY!!
"Well, holy God! Stop the lights! Is there anything stirring?"
Rural life hasn't been the same since it was removed from the airwaves.
Bring Biddy back. Bring back Blackie Connors. It would be fantastic. It would be money well spent.
This motor tax malarkey for tractors never made any sense.
Motor Tax should be for motor cars.
And sure we hardly ever take our tractors out on the road anyway, and when we do, most of us are only travelling at 3 miles an hour. Give farmers a break.
Get rid of the tractor road tax and let us get to mass without the worry of the guards.
He might only be sitting on his arse, but he is, in all honesty, the backbone of the rural community.
Without the armchair farmer, there would be no front line farmer.
Throw some funds his way and let him at the very least, buy himself a new cushion, or better again, a La-Z-Boy recliner.
I'm all for going green, especially when it comes to diesel.
Open the valve, Minister, and make rural Ireland green again.
If green diesel is good enough for the tractor up the yard, it's good enough for the jeep down the road.
Sure tis the same thing really, only miles cheaper.
They say money can't buy love. Well, I beg to differ.
Money can do a lot of things.
It can build bike sheds. It can almost build a children's hospital.
Minister, open the government coffers, and splash out on the love-hungry farmer. Give him a few bob so that he can find a wife.
Financial support for the love-hungry farmer is long overdue.
A lot of old farmers, myself included, need to be taken off the road.
And the only way I see this happening is by offering us some class of a retirement stash.
A Scrappage Scheme for the old wrecks, like me, would be our salvation.
A few bob for those of us who still hobble on the land would be a great idea.
Show us the money, Minister, and we will gladly hit the road.
Offer every rural citizen, over the age of 18, the opportunity to have two of three free pints every week compliments of the state.
There is a huge thirst out there for such a scheme.
To my mind, this would be a small price to pay in helping to keep rural pubs alive, and the blood pumping nicely through our own veins.
Free drink is a no-brainer. Make this dream a reality.
Our climate is in a mess, and there is no doubt about that. And really there isn't much we can do about it at this stage, bar praying to the man above.
So my proposal here is to create a fund to pay for masses.
If the rain is incessant, or the sun too overpowering, to my mind, prayer might be all we have.
And if the man above does indeed control the weather, like Danny Healy Rae claims, sure, a few masses in his direction won't go astray. Indeed, it might work miracles.
Would you ever, in the name of heaven minister, give sheep farmers something decent for their wool?
It's disgraceful that a fleece of wool isn't worth the price of the shearing.
Sort out the wool issue and the whole farming community will warm to your budget.
With AI running amok, with most people nowadays unable to read or write with any great clarity, something needs to be done.
I think it's high time that the government backed an initiative to offer each and every rural household a copy of Thursday's Irish Examiner.
For not only will you get a magnificent paper to read, but also, at no extra cost, you will receive the Farm Exam (which is really fabulous).
The is the farming equivalent of the bible.
Every word should be, and is, cherished.
This is the farming paper that not only fights for the struggling farmer, but is indeed the last word when it comes to farming.
So get the cheque book out, Minister, and support your local farmer.
