Lighten Up: Taylor Swift should sing the praises of 'Cattle Dealer'
If only there were fewer Taylor Swifts in the world, the cattle dealer song would be number one. File photo
There is a song doing the rounds at the moment that is a right catchy number. It's called and if only there were fewer Taylor Swifts in the world, the cattle dealer song would be number one.
is sung by two boyos from north Cork who go by the name of HubCap. You might hear it on the radio this evening or in the discothèque next Saturday night as you take to the floor like John Travolta.
All I know about it is that I liked what I heard and it turned my frown upside-down.
Anyhow, the song goes into detail about the life of a cattle dealer, with a great deal of emphasis placed on the all-important line "I sell them dear, but I buy them cheap!"
And yes, this is pretty much the most important part of the cattle dealing game. It's the key to success and profit, otherwise the business would fall flat on its face.
In an ideal world, this system works well and is the way a cattle dealer lives, moves and has their being. But alas for the cattle dealer in the Ireland of 2025, the profit is a long way off.
For while the part of selling them dear is no bother at all this year, this craic of buying them cheap again has never been harder. It has become a mission impossible. It's right up there with your chances of winning the lotto.
A farmer would have a better chance of driving a tractor to the moon than finding a bargain at the mart this year.
The only cheap things are the chips, and they don't come for free either. The mart today is like Caesar's Palace for the seller; there's money galore.
And it doesn't matter what you have to sell. Your animal can be as large as the wrestler Big Daddy or as narrow as a brush handle. A fortune will be made regardless.
If a cat wandered into a mart this autumn and had the look of a bullock about him, I dare say the hands would fly. It's been the same story all year long. Great money and great times for the seller.
But alas for the buyer, the trouble is immense. The buyer, the cattle dealer, is finding the going tough.
They sell on one hand and buy with the other like the opening and closing of an accordion.
And while this year the closing of the bellows is making sweet music, the opening of it again is a sound nobody wants to hear.
I didn't buy cattle this year, not because my bidding hand was unable to operate, but because I don't have the wealth of Rockefeller.
I didn't call my cattle dealer pal because I was afraid of the price he would quote. He was afraid of the price he would have to quote.
2025 has been a tough old year for the tough old cattle dealer. It's like a see-saw that only goes down one way.
But now they have been given a song to lift the spirit. A song especially for them.
And better again, it's not some old sad lament about how you might miss your mother, only a lively number called 'Cattle Dealer'.
A song to bring a smile to the face of a troubled man. For just as sure as that old cattle truck wheel keeps turning, the bargains will return one day and so too will the robust cattle dealer.
The man who sells them dear, but buys them cheap.
