Lighten Up: Tickets to Garth Brooks should be sold in the cattle marts

Tickets for Garth Brooks, the most earthy performer in the world, should have been sold at the cattle mart, writes our Auld Lehane in this week's Lighten Up

'When news came round that Garth would be returning to Ireland to perform a few concerts, we all roared like excited bullocks after getting a sniff of ration. We knew good times were ahead'. File picture: Frazer Harrison/Getty

I have been a big fan of Garth Brooks for many years. And that's no surprise.

Any man who wrestles with weanlings on a daily basis is bound to be a fan of the country legend.

And I'm not alone. Most fellows who walk the land, who chew on grass and who are not allergic to a shot of diesel in their cornflakes, are fans of Garth Brooks.

We like his style. We wear his boots. We talk his language.

So naturally, when news came round that Garth would be returning to Ireland to perform a few concerts, we all roared like excited bullocks after getting a sniff of ration. We knew good times were ahead.

And when we heard that all the concerts would be held outside the big smoke, we roared all the louder.

Garth was finally coming home. But then alas, we were told that the tickets could only be purchased online, and so our loud roars quietened to a whisper.

Online stuff turns the stomach. It confuses my mind.

Tickets for Garth Brooks, the most earthy performer in the world, should have been sold at the cattle mart.

That would have been the ideal spot. It's a no-brainer if you ask me.

And with many cattle marts within a stone's throw of the venues he is playing in, like Kilkenny mart, Kilmallock mart and Kanturk mart, sure we all would have been in with a shout to get a ticket from the start.

My mart plan would have been a winner for Garth; payment too would be guaranteed.

Most marts have a war chest the size of the Grand Canyon.

There is no fear of them. Their finances are as sound as the shooting hand of John Wayne.

And better again, if the tickets had been sold in batches of ten or so, at the mart, like a bunch of calves, not only would it have sped up the process, but also we might have gotten the tickets a whole lot cheaper.

Those of us with quick bidding hands, with herd numbers, the true Garth Brooks fans, the keepers of the flame, could have gotten some right good bargains.

There is no doubt about that.

But alas, it was not to be. The online brigade won again. Technology beat common sense.

And what about the fellow now who has no fancy phone or computer, or damn all? How is he supposed to go and see his idol?

I'm talking here about auld lads, comrades of my own. Fellows from the land who perhaps don't go out much anymore, or who haven't seen a performer since Dickie Rick appeared on the Lilac Ballroom in Enniskeane back about 50 years ago.

How are they supposed to get their ticket for the concert of the decade?

I know of one man who fears the phone tremendously, but who is also a die-hard fan of Brooks; what are his options? There are none.

He will just have to whistle Dixie for the duration of the tour.

My heart breaks for that man.

With my mart plan, he could have got a ticket no bother, for he is in Kanturk mart every Tuesday hunting for bargains and a wife.

Alas, the sad truth is that while Garth Brooks forthcoming visit to Ireland is the greatest thing to hit the land since the arrival of the round baler, there are many of his most loyal fans, his true 'friends in low places,' who won't be able to go at all.

And this surely is the most lonesome lament of all.