Lighten Up: Should RTÉ Cork move to the country?
Mick Dundee got on fine in New York, and RTÉ will get on fine here in Kilmichael too, once they get used of the dark... and the people, writes our auld Lehane.
It made me very angry indeed to hear the news that RTÉ Cork was struggling to find a new premises.
Like Sandon Bells and Cónal Creedon, RTÉ Cork is as Cork as Mizen head.
And as for this talk that RTÉ Cork might leave Cork! Well that's a non runner entirely.
If they can't find a new home in the city, auld Lehane will happily offer RTE Cork a piece of ground out here in the country.
Sure I have a farm of ground!
A few acres out here to build a new premises, would be a no brainer.
I have the land, RTÉ has the money.
I'll put up the ground and I'll hear no more fussing about the cost.
Now RTÉ's move to the country, or Kilmichael to be specific, will not be without it's drawbacks.
Before any fancy broadcasting building can be constructed, before any fancy people arrive, stones will have to be picked. Boulders will have to be rolled.
God bless the help, RTÉ has plenty of hands.
And with me behind the wheel of the tractor, the work will be done in no time.
The Lord made the world, but I made the field, and it's just that I haven't gotten around to picking up all the stones yet.
Anyhow, once the stones are picked and the furze cut back, and the stream diverted and the marsh drained, the concrete can be poured.
The field down by the cross is ideal really.
It's the one closest to my heart and would be the ideal location to house a rebooted RTÉ Cork.
To house the likes of The Today Show and Quicksilver or whatever else it is that they produce nowadays.
But "Stop the lights!" you might cry, "Sure RTÉ Cork would never move out to a plot of ground in Kilmichael."
"And why not?" I might cry back.
Sure didn't plucky monsignor James Horan build a famous airport on soggy ground up there in Mayo? Didn't Crocodile Dundee go to New York?
There is very little that separates the town and country, when you really think about it.
Mick Dundee got on fine in New York, and RTÉ will get on fine here in Kilmichael too, once they get used of the dark... and the people.
So what does my amenity offer to the likes of the national broadcaster?
Well, for starters, plenty of water, plenty of water for toilet facilities and what have you.
The field offers plenty of elbow room too, for stretching your legs and sure what more could you ask for?
The few airy cattle and an old goat that are at present wandering over the ground will of course have to be rounded up.
And this could be difficult, as they have gotten quite feral, not from any bizarre reason, only that they haven't seen people with a while. A bit like myself really.
But again, with the help of RTÉ top brass, I'm sure within a few weeks they can be rounded up and corralled.
And sure couldn't RTÉ make a delightful program about the task?
T'would be as good as the Odyssey, only with more action and less talking.
Anyhow, if I was the headman in RTÉ now, I'd stop talking to them yahoos in the city with their million dollar rents and buildings.
They wouldn't know a good thing if you hit them over the head with it.
Come out here to the country where the air is clearer, the people are friendly and the future filled with more choices than there are channels on a telly.
It's time for RTÉ Cork to move, and it's time for a move to the country.
