Lighten Up: Auld Lehane's top tips for curing the Easter bloat

If the urge to go mad on the Easter goodies to satisfy the hunger and thirst after the long 40 days of Lent got the better of ye, fear not. Auld Lehane has the solution

As you probably roll around the kitchen floor now in agony, having eaten five Easter eggs too many, my words are of little comfort or consolation to you. Picture: Eddie O'Hare

Easter is of course a very tempting time of the year.

After fasting so faithfully for 40 days, there can be a mighty temptation to go mad.

Similar to a herd of young cattle released onto a field of lush grass, there can be a very strong urge to eat as much as you can, in as short a period as possible.

And this in my book, is the perfect recipe for bloat.

Bloat and Easter go hand in hand.

For Easter is a time of great celebration. The Lord has risen, the Easter bunny has arrived.

It's a time to crack open those chocolate eggs and lick the tinfoil clean.

A time to let the hair down, to satisfy the thirst. A time to loosen the old suspenders on your farmer's trousers.

Forty days is long enough to be a martyr to any cause.

And this is where all kinds of trouble can brew.

I myself forgo almost all alcoholic beverages for the 40 days of Lent. Bar Patrick's day and the odd Sunday, I strictly adhere to the practice.

So, there's no doubt that when it comes to Easter, I'm all too familiar with the effects of overindulgence. However, with great age comes great wisdom.

Experience has taught me not to rush headfirst into any large amount of food or drink after such a noble sacrifice.

Moderation in all things.

But alas, as you probably roll around the kitchen floor now in agony, having eaten five Easter eggs too many, my words are of little comfort or consolation to you.

With your belly full of Easter goodies, you are looking for solutions, not recollections.

Well, my dear man, fear not, for I have the solution too.

In farming terms, if you were an old bullock with bloat, it's up the crush you would go now and back the throat would be put a bottle or two of waste oil.

Waste oil was the only cure for bloat in bullocks in my young days.

It was a marvel, for it worked every time. Freeing up the gullet and unblocking all restrictions.

Waste oil was the only option, for it was all we had.

But alas, in today's crazy world, waste oil is as scarce as compassion.

So, what to do now?

Well, one thing is for sure, do not lie down!

I have seen it a thousand times in sheep.

With the belly full, they lie down and turn over onto their backs, only to find that they cannot get back up.

So, stay upright.

Yes, I understand your belly hurts, but throwing yourself down now like a farrowing sow will do you no good at all.

Bloat, like a missing slate on the roof, won't repair itself. You will have to do some of the ground work to ease your suffering.

I remember years ago arriving into the village of Coachford in desperate need of diesel for my old jeep, only to fill my tank with petrol, by mistake you understand.

Again, like the man with the belly full of the wrong kind of nourishment, I quickly saw the error of my ways.

Mercifully, a solution was quickly offered when the owner of the pump, Patsy Murphy, suggested I fill my jeep to the brim with diesel, thus over the long haul, the diesel should mitigate against the evils of the petrol and sort itself out.

And yes it did, granted, after a spell of prolonged backfiring.

Well, it's the same thing now for you.

So go to the sink immediately, my bloated pal, and drink plenty of fresh water, drink enough to float a boat.

Then head outside for the grandest walk of your life.

And just like my jeep, just like my bullock, in no time at all you'll be back bouncing happily, and running around the place like you always do.