Lighten Up: Brewery doors must be swung open to deal with the summer thirst
With the fine weather showing no signs of letting up, and with drinking water only available to thirsty cows and infants, something proactive has to be done, writes our Auld Lehane.
With water as scarce as be damned, and with our tongues as dry as the camels on , I'm calling today for a radical move to deal with the summer thirst.
I'm calling on our breweries to step up and to swing open their doors and offer every man, woman and child - of drinking age of course - a free pint of plain.
With the fine weather showing no signs of letting up, and with drinking water only available to thirsty cows and infants, something proactive has to be done.
The way I see it, offering a couple of free pints to those in need would sure be a good way to start.
It would be a step (perhaps a wobbly one) in the right direction.
And while my call today might be greeted with howls of laughter in some quarters, sure they laughed at Kennedy too when he suggested they put a man on the moon.
Well, nobody is laughing at Kennedy today; they all think he's a great fellow.
And nobody will be laughing at me either, when they are supping on free drink compliments of Auld Lehane and his marvellous plan.
For my marvellous plan is as straightforward and as simple as myself.
It offers those who work in the outdoors, namely, farmers, builders, gardeners and window cleaners, the option of having two or three free pints over the weekend, in order to regain their momentum, after a week of baking in the sun.
A state-sponsored scheme obviously.
Sure, who else would have the money?
A limited scheme too, that would be run strictly over the summer months, and perhaps a week or two around Christmas, being the season of goodwill, and all that.
To my mind, a voucher type scheme would be the easiest to set up.
Indeed, it could be well up and running before Ballabuidhe Horse Fair, if we had the political will, and certainly before the Ploughing Championships.
Water is a precious commodity, and we can't be giving it to every Tom, Dick and Harry, and so that is why my pints idea is so wonderful.
It would spare the water for those most in need of it, like livestock and children.
Of course, again, some fellows might suggest that we could offer ice creams for the thirsty instead of alcohol.
But my dear man, like offering The Bull McCabe a load of silage, instead of The Field, I think you'd be laughed out of the bar room.
It has to be a pint of plain, I'll accept nothing less.
And like a suckler calf on the pap, it's then that you would see us thrive.
With good solid drink available to the masses, we would all fatten over the summer months, instead of wilting, as we are at present.
If such a refreshing offer was put on the table, or better again on the bar counter, I believe we would be all for it.
So, three cheers once again for auld Lehane and his proposal.
For here's a man who always has, and always will have, a very sound Irish solution to every problem.
