Sex File

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Shot of a young couple laying in bed at home

#Sex File

Need some advice on intimacy? Send your queries to suzigodson@mac.com

A COMPREHENSIVE SERIES OF ARTICLES ON THIS TOPIC

<p>Initiating sex is your wife’s way of bidding for connection, and I very much doubt an orgasm is her sole motivation. Picture: iStock </p>

advice

Sex File: My wife wants more sex than I do

I have tried explaining I still find her attractive and don’t want her to feel rejected, but I think that is what’s happening

<p>If you and your wife have not maintained close physical contact through cuddling, kissing and other forms of physical contact, you will almost certainly have experienced a parallel decline in a sense of connection overall. Picture: iStock</p>

advice

Sex File: Can our happy marriage survive without physical intimacy?

<p>When you really fancy someone, having sex is a little like riding a bike, and once you get going you'll find that you really don't need a manual. Picture: iStock </p>

advice

Sex File: I'm worried about having sex for the first time after divorce

Sad woman on the bed with husband in background

advice

Sex File: Why won't my husband experiment in bed?

Man in bed with mature woman thinking

advice

Sex File: Is pornography ruining our connection in bed?

Couple's feet close-up.

advice

Sex File: Why does my new partner take so long?

Cute couple cuddling in bed

Sex File: How can we have a good time in bed with adult children at home?

You and your partner have a right to autonomy but you are also right to avoid exposing your grown-up children to the full force of your sexual passion

Mon, 11 May, 2026

Upset woman thinking about relationship problems and lover indifference

Sex File: Work stress means my partner is never in the mood

Rather than taking it personally, you need to acknowledge your partner's stress. Think about it as a temporary unwelcome house guest and shift your focus from your individual lack of confidence to your combined need for respite from stress

Mon, 04 May, 2026

Having no future in this relationship stock photo

Sex File: Why doesn't he want to have sex as much as I do?

My wonderful new man has all the qualities my ex lacked — except his libido is much lower than mine. Should I move on?

Tue, 28 Apr, 2026

Thoughtful sad man woman in bed feeling feeling despair after quarrel at home.

Sex File: My wife's racy past is haunting me

Her friend let slip about a colourful period in their early 20s and I can't get past it

Mon, 20 Apr, 2026

Anxious girl cannot sleep near her husband in bedroom

Sex File: Should I explore my lesbian fantasies?

I can't stop fantasising about women when I have sex with my husband and keep wondering if I missed out on exploring my sexuality

Mon, 13 Apr, 2026

Attractive girl with a man in bed

Sex File: My orgasm has gone missing

Strong pain meds are fantastic at helping people to manage major back problems, but they play havoc with sexual function because they reduce sexual interest and arousal

Mon, 06 Apr, 2026

Displeased couple having problems in a bedroom.

Sex File: My wife says she is bored with our lovemaking

There are all sorts of ways to make sex more exciting, but it all starts with emotional intimacy

Mon, 30 Mar, 2026

High angle view of smiling couple relaxing on bed

Sex File: My new man wants a performance review almost immediately after making love

The explanations that come to mind are many and varied. Insecurity or performance anxiety are the most obvious, but his need for validation could also be an indication of competitiveness or egotism

Mon, 23 Mar, 2026

Mature man texting on mobile phone late at night

Sex File: His phone use is killing our love life

His libido seems to have gone down as his screen time has gone up and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle for his attention

Mon, 16 Mar, 2026

I'm glad we chose to have a cosy weekend in bed

Sex File: I can't hear his 'sweet nothings' in bed

I don't want to break the flow by asking him to repeat himself

Mon, 09 Mar, 2026

Big trouble in young marriage

Sex File: What can I do about my partner's worrying fantasy?

It is undoubtedly your excellent sex life and your happy relationship that have given her the confidence to share her curiosity about watching you having sex with another woman

Mon, 02 Mar, 2026

Reminder Sex in calendar with red pen.

Sex recession? How the frisky Danes can teach us to make more love

While other countries are deep in a sex recession, the Danish drive shows no signs of stalling. How do they stay so frisky?

Thu, 26 Feb, 2026

Portrait of a Beautiful Woman Sitting on Her Bed in the Morning

Sex File: I make my new lover sleep in the spare bedroom

The decision to sleep in separate beds is normally driven by sleep incompatibilities, but in your case it is primarily driven by your anxiety

Mon, 23 Feb, 2026

Unhappy young couple

Sex File: I need time to reconnect with my husband, but he's keen to get into bed ASAP

Although there are lots of challenges to a long-distance marriage, there are upsides

Mon, 16 Feb, 2026

Businessman and businesswoman drinking coffee in the office.

Sex File: My wife's crush last year has improved our love life. Is this normal?

The fact you and your wife have survived for a year suggests this upset has helped you find your way back to each other

Mon, 09 Feb, 2026

Couple having problems

Sex File: I have endometriosis and feel guilty that we can't have proper sex

My endometriosis means penetrative sex can be very painful

Mon, 02 Feb, 2026

Maybe he's been lying all this time

Sex File: What happens if the passion wanes between us?

Rather than undermine the fun you are having by analysing past failures or worrying about potential problems in the future, you are better off just trying to enjoy what you have while it lasts

Mon, 26 Jan, 2026

Adult mature man pensive sitting alone at home on sofa close up, gray haired person thinks looks towards window, depressed sad

Sex File: I lost the dad bod while on Mounjaro but I still don't feel sexy

My wife says she finds me attractive but I don't feel it

Mon, 19 Jan, 2026

Annoyed couple sitting on different sides of bed

Sex File: Are our sex drives out of sync?

I think we feel like we're failing each other

Mon, 12 Jan, 2026

Woman blocking ears with hands while man snoring on bed

Sex File: Will sleeping in separate beds put an end to our love life?

I'm worried it could be the beginning of the end

Mon, 05 Jan, 2026

Young couple having relationship difficulties in the bedroom

Sex File: He doesn't like me talking when we're making love

Any man who interprets useful advice on how to ensure his sexual partner's enjoyment as "a bit upsetting" has so much to learn that I'm not sure I could, hand on heart, advise you to persist with the relationship.

Mon, 29 Dec, 2025

Couple, fight and woman with man sleeping in bed, conflict or marriage issue with trouble or upset at home. Awake, above annoyed

Sex File: My partner doesn't want to have sober sex

"At the beginning of a new relationship everything is exciting and sex is so intense that you simply can't imagine a time when it won't feel that way."

Mon, 15 Dec, 2025

woman with a bedroom secret

Sex File: I'm scared to wake the children, so sex is off the menu

"Researchers found that when they exposed babies to white noise, the likelihood of them falling asleep increased more than threefold, from 25 to 80%."

Mon, 08 Dec, 2025

young man suffering from insomnia

Sex File: I'm hurt that my wife has been faking her orgasm

I'm trying not to be hurt but I feel as if we've been having different experiences

Mon, 01 Dec, 2025

Worried couple in bed

Sex File: We had great no-strings sex, has commitment killed our spark?

While I love his company, the sex has gone off the boil.

Mon, 24 Nov, 2025

Married Couple Sleeping Embracing In Comfortable Bed Indoor, Top View

Sex File: We only make love once a month and I'm starting to resent my wife

I try to initiate but am often rejected — she never initiates.

Mon, 17 Nov, 2025

Looking back at the good old days

Sex File: Should I be worried about my husband's old flame?

"It is a fairly niche research area, but a 2020 study at York University in Ontario identified that sexual nostalgia over former romantic partners is often triggered by loneliness or dissatisfaction with a relationship."

Mon, 10 Nov, 2025

Unknown couple fighting and giving each other the silent treatment. Caucasian man and woman sitting on the sofa with their arms

Sex File: He feels more like a housemate than a lover

Is it possible to recover the spark once it's been completely lost?

Mon, 03 Nov, 2025

We look forward to spending time together

Sex File: Could our make-up lovemaking become toxic?

"You are right to be aware of emerging patterns related to conflict resolution, but sex is a valid form of communication and it has an almost unparalleled power to increase intimacy and alleviate stress, something that both of you desperately need right now."

Mon, 20 Oct, 2025

Unhappy couple having crisis and difficulties in relationship

Sex File: My wife wants a break from lovemaking — can this end well?

It's not easy when one partner stops wanting sex. The partner whose bids for sexual connection are constantly rejected can't help but feel unwanted and unloved. And the lower-libido partner is often equally distressed, both by their own lack of desire and the pressure they feel put under

Mon, 13 Oct, 2025

Middle aged couple having a conversation at home.

Sex File: His moods are a total turnoff but he wants us to have more sex

"Men in their 60s worry about a million things: ageing, illness, impotence, irrelevance, isolation, money and, ultimately, the wooden overcoat."

Mon, 06 Oct, 2025

Children are a parent's greatest gift

Sex File: Becoming a dad has killed my libido — I can't talk to my friends about it

Most people are aware that having a baby causes significant hormonal shifts in women, but over the past 25 years, research has explored how parenthood affects men's hormones

Mon, 22 Sep, 2025

Leisurely days with my love are the best

Sex File: My orgasms are better without him

"That solo sex delivers stronger and more pleasurable orgasms for you is not particularly unusual. You know your mind and your body better than anyone else, so it stands to reason that you instinctively know how to maximise the pleasure you get from solo sex."

Mon, 15 Sep, 2025

Grey-haired man and a blonde woman lying on the bed and looking romantic

Sex File: I'm struggling to keep pace with his sex drive

"Right now, he is understandably excited about his restored libido, but you need to be equally happy about it too. If you can get these concerns out in the open, I think you will feel more positive and come to realise that this is a good thing."

Mon, 08 Sep, 2025

Sometimes the loneliest people are those in relationships

Sex File: Our spark has fizzled out in a year

Chemistry is always more intense at the beginning of a relationship but the sexual frenzy that defines the early months is ordinarily followed by a deepening intimacy, the foundation of longer-term commitment.

Mon, 01 Sep, 2025

They know what makes each other feel good

Sex File: How do I tell him he's a bad kisser?

"Ask if he would be willing to do a little homework with you. Be kind, be humorous and be willing to share responsibility. Remember, your 'weird' is his 'normal' and for all you know, the same may be true in reverse."

Mon, 25 Aug, 2025

Couple Lying On Bed At Home

Sex File: Our sessions go on for too long and I stop enjoying it — is there a solution?

Consistently extended sex sessions are unfortunately more likely to cause extreme discomfort than to give her an orgasm

Mon, 18 Aug, 2025

Couple reading a guide in a hotel room

Sex File: My husband is talking dirty but it's not working... how do I tell him?

His style — basically just narrating what he's doing as he's doing it — pulls me out of the moment and turns me off

Mon, 11 Aug, 2025

Sex File: I feel uninterested in sex — might it drive a wedge between us?

Sex File: I feel uninterested in sex — might it drive a wedge between us?

I enjoy sex but I'm far more interested in other things, which I know frustrates my husband (although he has never complained)

Mon, 04 Aug, 2025

I do not like when he does that

Sex File: I'm happy in my new relationship, why am I thinking about my ex?

It's ironic that trying not to think about something or someone almost guarantees that you will do precisely the opposite

Mon, 28 Jul, 2025

Grey-haired man and a blonde woman lying on the bed and looking at each other

Sex File: My partner’s kinky sexual fantasies are turning me off

"The simplest explanation for the change in your partner's behaviour... is that he now needs stronger stimuli to achieve the same level of arousal and is using sexual fantasy to increase excitement."

Mon, 21 Jul, 2025

Annoyed couple sitting on different sides of bed

Sex File: What should I do about my husband's lost sex drive?

Low libido can affect both men and women, and diabetic neuropathy, a type of nerve damage, can cause erectile dysfunction in men.

Mon, 14 Jul, 2025

Unhappy young couple in bed

Sex File: My libido has vanished since having a baby

"It's an overwhelming time and your lack of desire is not at all unusual. It might be an idea to talk to a GP about how you are feeling in general, but I suspect that all you need is more support and more time to yourself."

Mon, 07 Jul, 2025

Couple Lying On Bed At Home

Sex File: He won't try new things in bed

"You feel that you are trying to pull your sexual relationship in a new and potentially exciting direction, and rather than giving it a try, he is digging his heels in. I'm not judging, but I think his reaction is fairly predictable."

Mon, 30 Jun, 2025