Sex File: My insomnia is interfering with my late-night sex life

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I'M in my mid-thirties and have recently started struggling with insomnia. My boyfriend and I have had a pretty good sex life until now, but since we usually have sex (quite late) at night, my recent anxiety around sleep is affecting this. Neither of us really enjoys morning sex, so what can I do to feel more relaxed again?

Sleep is fundamental to well-being, and if insomnia is creating so much anxiety that you are limiting the way you live, you need to do something about it. There are pharmacological and therapeutic options, but forcing yourself to exercise every day is probably the most effective one.

A large systematic review that assessed the effectiveness of physical activity for improving depression, anxiety and distress, conducted at the University of South Australia in 2023, found that physical activity was 1.5 times more effective at reducing mild to moderate symptoms of depression, psychological stress and anxiety than medication or cognitive behavioural therapy. You don't need to run marathons. One study found that a 20-minute cycling session was a "promising tool" for insomniacs.

Having said all that, I really can't think of a better natural sedative than having sex. Most people know this from experience, but a recent study confirms it. 

In 2025 a Central Queensland University study monitored 14 participants' sexual activity and sleep patterns for 11 nights. The study found - to perhaps little surprise - that when participants engaged in sexual activity with their partner they spent less time awake throughout the night, had higher sleep efficiency (the percentage of time asleep while in bed) and felt more motivated the next day.

The study reported that there was a significant correlation between participants' orgasms on the orgasm intensity scale (who knew that existed?) and subjective sleep quality, readiness and motivation for the next day. The researchers hypothesised that the improvements in sleep behaviours might be the result of hormonal changes such as the increase in oxytocin and prolactin after orgasm, or that they might reflect reduced cortisol levels and the positive impact that sex and orgasm have on mood. The study found that after sex women slept longer and spent less time awake than men.

Having sex helps you to sleep, and it turns out that getting enough sleep helps you to enjoy sex too. In 2023 the results of the second US Sleep and Sex survey of 1,266 men and women aged 18-65 found that recent sexual activity was correlated with better sleep, lower anxiety and lower scores on a post-traumatic stress disorder screener. In contrast, insomnia was negatively correlated with sexual satisfaction and had a statistically significant association with sexual dysfunction for women and for men.

You say you don't like having sex in the morning or the evening, which certainly narrows the window of opportunity, but fortunately the famous French cinq a sept slot is not just for infidelity. It can be a really sweet spot for anyone with a rigid night-time routine. Throw in a daily dose of exercise and you should sleep like a baby.