Sex File: I make my new lover sleep in the spare bedroom

The decision to sleep in separate beds is normally driven by sleep incompatibilities, but in your case it is primarily driven by your anxiety

If you turn your spare bedroom into the place you have sex, it is your lover who gets to drift into a blissful post-coital slumber and you are the one who must slip away to sleep alone. Picture: iStock 

After a messy divorce, I've got a new lover. The sex is great, but sleeping next to him makes me feel anxious, taking me back to the sleepless nights towards the end of my marriage. He is nonplussed at being asked to sleep in the spare room. I'm not sure how to move forward.

Research suggests that couples who sleep together are happier. In 2014, Professor Richard Wiseman, at the University of Hertfordshire, conducted a study with 1,000 people that showed 86% of couples who slept less than an inch apart from each other were happy with their relationships, compared with 66% of those who slept more than 30 inches apart.