Sex File

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#Sex File

Need some advice on intimacy? Send your queries to suzigodson@mac.com

A COMPREHENSIVE SERIES OF ARTICLES ON THIS TOPIC

<p>When your brain is focused on pain avoidance it can't simultaneously attend to erotic cues. Picture: iStock </p>

advice

Sex File: My orgasm has gone missing

Strong pain meds are fantastic at helping people to manage major back problems, but they play havoc with sexual function because they reduce sexual interest and arousal

<p>Sex takes two, so you are only ever 50% responsible for the state of your sexual relationship. Picture: iStock </p>

advice

Sex File: My wife says she is bored with our lovemaking

<p>Research confirms high levels of sexual communication positively correlates to sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction. Picture: iStock </p>

advice

Sex File: My new man wants a performance review almost immediately after making love

Mature man texting on mobile phone late at night

advice

Sex File: His phone use is killing our love life

I'm glad we chose to have a cosy weekend in bed

advice

Sex File: I can't hear his 'sweet nothings' in bed

Big trouble in young marriage

advice

Sex File: What can I do about my partner's worrying fantasy?

Reminder Sex in calendar with red pen.

Sex recession? How the frisky Danes can teach us to make more love

While other countries are deep in a sex recession, the Danish drive shows no signs of stalling. How do they stay so frisky?

Thu, 26 Feb, 2026

Portrait of a Beautiful Woman Sitting on Her Bed in the Morning

Sex File: I make my new lover sleep in the spare bedroom

The decision to sleep in separate beds is normally driven by sleep incompatibilities, but in your case it is primarily driven by your anxiety

Mon, 23 Feb, 2026

Unhappy young couple

Sex File: I need time to reconnect with my husband, but he's keen to get into bed ASAP

Although there are lots of challenges to a long-distance marriage, there are upsides

Mon, 16 Feb, 2026

Businessman and businesswoman drinking coffee in the office.

Sex File: My wife's crush last year has improved our love life. Is this normal?

The fact you and your wife have survived for a year suggests this upset has helped you find your way back to each other

Mon, 09 Feb, 2026

Couple having problems

Sex File: I have endometriosis and feel guilty that we can't have proper sex

My endometriosis means penetrative sex can be very painful

Mon, 02 Feb, 2026

Maybe he's been lying all this time

Sex File: What happens if the passion wanes between us?

Rather than undermine the fun you are having by analysing past failures or worrying about potential problems in the future, you are better off just trying to enjoy what you have while it lasts

Mon, 26 Jan, 2026

Adult mature man pensive sitting alone at home on sofa close up, gray haired person thinks looks towards window, depressed sad

Sex File: I lost the dad bod while on Mounjaro but I still don't feel sexy

My wife says she finds me attractive but I don't feel it

Mon, 19 Jan, 2026

Annoyed couple sitting on different sides of bed

Sex File: Are our sex drives out of sync?

I think we feel like we're failing each other

Mon, 12 Jan, 2026

Woman blocking ears with hands while man snoring on bed

Sex File: Will sleeping in separate beds put an end to our love life?

I'm worried it could be the beginning of the end

Mon, 05 Jan, 2026

Young couple having relationship difficulties in the bedroom

Sex File: He doesn't like me talking when we're making love

Any man who interprets useful advice on how to ensure his sexual partner's enjoyment as "a bit upsetting" has so much to learn that I'm not sure I could, hand on heart, advise you to persist with the relationship.

Mon, 29 Dec, 2025

Couple, fight and woman with man sleeping in bed, conflict or marriage issue with trouble or upset at home. Awake, above annoyed

Sex File: My partner doesn't want to have sober sex

"At the beginning of a new relationship everything is exciting and sex is so intense that you simply can't imagine a time when it won't feel that way."

Mon, 15 Dec, 2025

woman with a bedroom secret

Sex File: I'm scared to wake the children, so sex is off the menu

"Researchers found that when they exposed babies to white noise, the likelihood of them falling asleep increased more than threefold, from 25 to 80%."

Mon, 08 Dec, 2025

young man suffering from insomnia

Sex File: I'm hurt that my wife has been faking her orgasm

I'm trying not to be hurt but I feel as if we've been having different experiences

Mon, 01 Dec, 2025

Worried couple in bed

Sex File: We had great no-strings sex, has commitment killed our spark?

While I love his company, the sex has gone off the boil.

Mon, 24 Nov, 2025

Married Couple Sleeping Embracing In Comfortable Bed Indoor, Top View

Sex File: We only make love once a month and I'm starting to resent my wife

I try to initiate but am often rejected — she never initiates.

Mon, 17 Nov, 2025

Looking back at the good old days

Sex File: Should I be worried about my husband's old flame?

"It is a fairly niche research area, but a 2020 study at York University in Ontario identified that sexual nostalgia over former romantic partners is often triggered by loneliness or dissatisfaction with a relationship."

Mon, 10 Nov, 2025

Unknown couple fighting and giving each other the silent treatment. Caucasian man and woman sitting on the sofa with their arms

Sex File: He feels more like a housemate than a lover

Is it possible to recover the spark once it's been completely lost?

Mon, 03 Nov, 2025

We look forward to spending time together

Sex File: Could our make-up lovemaking become toxic?

"You are right to be aware of emerging patterns related to conflict resolution, but sex is a valid form of communication and it has an almost unparalleled power to increase intimacy and alleviate stress, something that both of you desperately need right now."

Mon, 20 Oct, 2025

Unhappy couple having crisis and difficulties in relationship

Sex File: My wife wants a break from lovemaking — can this end well?

It's not easy when one partner stops wanting sex. The partner whose bids for sexual connection are constantly rejected can't help but feel unwanted and unloved. And the lower-libido partner is often equally distressed, both by their own lack of desire and the pressure they feel put under

Mon, 13 Oct, 2025

Middle aged couple having a conversation at home.

Sex File: His moods are a total turnoff but he wants us to have more sex

"Men in their 60s worry about a million things: ageing, illness, impotence, irrelevance, isolation, money and, ultimately, the wooden overcoat."

Mon, 06 Oct, 2025

Children are a parent's greatest gift

Sex File: Becoming a dad has killed my libido — I can't talk to my friends about it

Most people are aware that having a baby causes significant hormonal shifts in women, but over the past 25 years, research has explored how parenthood affects men's hormones

Mon, 22 Sep, 2025

Leisurely days with my love are the best

Sex File: My orgasms are better without him

"That solo sex delivers stronger and more pleasurable orgasms for you is not particularly unusual. You know your mind and your body better than anyone else, so it stands to reason that you instinctively know how to maximise the pleasure you get from solo sex."

Mon, 15 Sep, 2025

Grey-haired man and a blonde woman lying on the bed and looking romantic

Sex File: I'm struggling to keep pace with his sex drive

"Right now, he is understandably excited about his restored libido, but you need to be equally happy about it too. If you can get these concerns out in the open, I think you will feel more positive and come to realise that this is a good thing."

Mon, 08 Sep, 2025

Sometimes the loneliest people are those in relationships

Sex File: Our spark has fizzled out in a year

Chemistry is always more intense at the beginning of a relationship but the sexual frenzy that defines the early months is ordinarily followed by a deepening intimacy, the foundation of longer-term commitment.

Mon, 01 Sep, 2025

They know what makes each other feel good

Sex File: How do I tell him he's a bad kisser?

"Ask if he would be willing to do a little homework with you. Be kind, be humorous and be willing to share responsibility. Remember, your 'weird' is his 'normal' and for all you know, the same may be true in reverse."

Mon, 25 Aug, 2025

Couple Lying On Bed At Home

Sex File: Our sessions go on for too long and I stop enjoying it — is there a solution?

Consistently extended sex sessions are unfortunately more likely to cause extreme discomfort than to give her an orgasm

Mon, 18 Aug, 2025

Couple reading a guide in a hotel room

Sex File: My husband is talking dirty but it's not working... how do I tell him?

His style — basically just narrating what he's doing as he's doing it — pulls me out of the moment and turns me off

Mon, 11 Aug, 2025

Sex File: I feel uninterested in sex — might it drive a wedge between us?

Sex File: I feel uninterested in sex — might it drive a wedge between us?

I enjoy sex but I'm far more interested in other things, which I know frustrates my husband (although he has never complained)

Mon, 04 Aug, 2025

I do not like when he does that

Sex File: I'm happy in my new relationship, why am I thinking about my ex?

It's ironic that trying not to think about something or someone almost guarantees that you will do precisely the opposite

Mon, 28 Jul, 2025

Grey-haired man and a blonde woman lying on the bed and looking at each other

Sex File: My partner’s kinky sexual fantasies are turning me off

"The simplest explanation for the change in your partner's behaviour... is that he now needs stronger stimuli to achieve the same level of arousal and is using sexual fantasy to increase excitement."

Mon, 21 Jul, 2025

Annoyed couple sitting on different sides of bed

Sex File: What should I do about my husband's lost sex drive?

Low libido can affect both men and women, and diabetic neuropathy, a type of nerve damage, can cause erectile dysfunction in men.

Mon, 14 Jul, 2025

Unhappy young couple in bed

Sex File: My libido has vanished since having a baby

"It's an overwhelming time and your lack of desire is not at all unusual. It might be an idea to talk to a GP about how you are feeling in general, but I suspect that all you need is more support and more time to yourself."

Mon, 07 Jul, 2025

Couple Lying On Bed At Home

Sex File: He won't try new things in bed

"You feel that you are trying to pull your sexual relationship in a new and potentially exciting direction, and rather than giving it a try, he is digging his heels in. I'm not judging, but I think his reaction is fairly predictable."

Mon, 30 Jun, 2025

Three Girlfriends Chatting Happily While Sitting On The Couch At Home.

Sex File: I am jealous of my divorced friends' new sex lives

I don't want to leave my marriage, so why is seeing them so satisfied with their sex lives making me question the strength of mine?

Mon, 23 Jun, 2025

Happy young couple in bed

Sex File: We have great chemistry, so why can't I orgasm?

"Mental distraction, otherwise known as "spectatoring", is a classic sign that you are anxious. If it is any consolation, this is really common."

Mon, 16 Jun, 2025

Young couple talking on their bed in the morning

Sex File: We've only slept with each other — have we missed out on better sex?

Most couples who have been together twenty-something years and raised a family experience some decline in sexual frequency and excitement

Mon, 26 May, 2025

I can't just sleep our problems away like he does

Sex File: Will our passion fade if he leaves his wife and we become a real couple?

Looking backwards will always be an incredibly effective way of avoiding facing the future - but your lover now wants a future with you and you are scared about what would happen if you became a "real" couple

Mon, 19 May, 2025

Depressed woman after a fight with her boyfriend in bedroom.

Sex File: He doesn't kiss me properly anymore — how can we resolve this?

Kissing is greatly underrated but there has been a lot of research into it.

Mon, 12 May, 2025

Nothing enriches life like love

Sex File: Why is our sex more passionate in our long-distance relationship?

My partner and I have been together for three years but for the past six months we have been in a long-distance relationship due to work, only seeing each other at weekends.

Mon, 05 May, 2025

Man and woman lying in white linen bed

Sex File: I fantasise that other women fancy him but have no desire for an open marriage

You both acknowledge that you have fleeting crushes on other people and maybe these fantasies are your way of exploring what might happen if one of these was reciprocated

Mon, 28 Apr, 2025

Portrait of a mature couple lying in bed

Sex File: How can we spice up the empty nest?

We have felt strangely shy around each other in the silence left behind.

Mon, 21 Apr, 2025

Worried Woman In Bed

Sex File: My new partner says we're sexually incompatible — what should I do?

Sexual incompatibility is not easy to define. It can describe anything from a lack of chemistry to poor technique, but it usually includes poor communication and an absence of intimacy

Mon, 14 Apr, 2025

Annoyed woman suffering because of the bad breath of her husband in bed

Sex File: His morning breath is a turn-off — how do I ask him to clean his teeth?

You do need to talk to your partner about his morning breath but you definitely should not do it when you are just about to have sex

Mon, 07 Apr, 2025

Girl worries about her marriage

Sex File: I keep getting crushes on random men who aren't my husband

You'll find floods of perimenopausal women anonymously discussing their sudden and inexplicable attraction to a neighbour or a random work colleague

Mon, 31 Mar, 2025