Stand down Richard Scudamore and company, think again Paul Merson; is the Munster Hurling Championship now The Best League in the World?

TWO MINDS: Chris Kamara made the most of a rare seat on the ‘Soccer Saturday’ panel:

Do you remember who said: “That five years as an electrician probably just grounded myself”?

Columnists are flagging and the end-of-year audits are piling up; of moments, personalities, achievements, goals. But what of the commodity that keeps this whole operation going? How was 2017 for words, asks Larry Ryan.

It seems to be official. ‘Banter is being phased out’, ran the headline on skysports.com this week.

Mickey Quinn won’t collar Wayne Rooney:

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is Manchester United’s new Roy Keane, not Paul Pogba, argues Graeme Souness.

West Ham boss Slaven Bilic admits tomorrow’s clash with Arsenal could make or break both teams’ season.

Arsene Wenger has passionately defended his position as Arsenal boss and insists he has become bored of people questioning whether he has what it takes to continue in the job.

The best performances and palaver from the Premier League.

Here's the sporting year in [guff] quotes.

"The 2003/04 campaign can be scrutinised in much the same way as historians view the mythical golden summer of 1913 – the final blissful days of a peaceful Europe before the spectre of conflict blotted out the sun."

Paul Merson was so upset by Arsenal’s poor performance last night he had to invent a new word to describe them.

"One day it might indeed all end, but Eamo’s show will surely go on forever."

One major selection dilemma haunts Alejandro Sabella ahead of the clash with Belgium; will he stick with calamity centre-half, Lorenzo?

Ruthless Graeme Souness: "My ex-father was a Man City supporter."

LIVERPOOL: Time for character as dream turns to nightmare

Andy Townsend not up to speed: “The players are always greeted with such velocity here at Old Trafford.”

“Suarez has gone down like he’s been crucified.”

Whether or not Gary Neville has any interest in horses, his influence will be felt around the Cotswolds next week.

DICTIONARY CORNER

It is hard to imagine now, but as lately as 16 years ago it hadn’t crossed the fine minds at Sky Sports that people would watch men watching football.

First indication of the direction the week might take came early in last Sunday’s Anfield skirmishes when Tom Cleverley propelled himself into the shins of Philippe Coutinho.

IT WAS one of those rare perfect moments.

QPR 0 Stoke City 2

“Are you a fan of existentialism, Merse?” wondered Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday last weekend.

AFTER a humdrum week of cup football, one question jostled for attention above all others: What has become of the great English love of mime?

PICK OF THE DAY

Sky Sports pundit Paul Merson has been summonsed to appear in court to face a charge of driving with excess alcohol following a motorway crash.

Former footballer Paul Merson has been arrested on suspicion of drink-driving, it was reported today.

Shell-shocked Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has admitted he must be big enough to handle the stick he will receive following his side’s humiliating 8-2 defeat at Manchester United.

EVERY now and again, like Bono in a library, I like to give something back.

THE original Survival Sunday was an anti-nuclear concert in 1978, organised by Peter, Paul and Mary; the folk trio who wrote Puff the Magic Dragon.

SKY SPORTS celebrated its 20th anniversary last Wednesday and the results are just in.

The Football Association could launch disciplinary action against Liverpool forward Ryan Babel after he tweeted a photo of referee Howard Webb in a Manchester United shirt.

Liverpool defender Glen Johnson has launched an outspoken attack on Paul Merson after the former Arsenal midfielder criticised his attitude this season.

TOTTENHAM boss Harry Redknapp has called on the country to get behind Fabio Capello as England manager – but implored the Italian to revamp his team.

FORMER Arsenal star Paul Merson believes Gunners boss Arsene Wenger should target Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard if Cesc Fabregas quits the north London outfit.