The season in guff

TWO MINDS: Chris Kamara made the most of a rare seat on the ‘Soccer Saturday’ panel:

PARTING SHOT

Perry Groves on Kevin Doyle’s retirement due to concussion worries:

“He has decided to knock it on the head.”

DOMESTIC FORM

Joanne Cantwell made things worse for Liverpool’s error-prone centre half:

“The game overshadowed by Dejan Lovren’s revelation he has received death threats from his family.”

FULL DISCLOSURE

Talksport news on Arsenal departure:

“Coquelin has gone for an undisclosed fee of £12 million.”

SOMETHING FISHY

Phil Thompson’s creature comforts:

“Does the player want to live in that nice comfort bowl?”

CRYING FOWL

Tony Cascarino put everyone off their Christmas dinners:

“The French love game birds like pheasant and Guinea pig.”

ALSO RANS

Tim Sherwood on the Golden Boot race:

“If anyone finishes behind Harry Kane he’ll be doing OK.”

BRIGHT SPARK

Life before football kept Stuart Pearce down to earthed:

“That five years as an electrician probably just grounded myself.”

MISSING THE POINT

Callum O’Dowda was disappointed by Ireland’s return from the World Cup play-off first leg in Copenhagen:

“We wanted to come here and take three points.”

MAN UP

Dave McIntyre with word of major scandal in the women’s World Cup qualifier with Holland:

“Ireland are playing with 10 men at the moment.”

LEADING THE WAY

Nigel Reo-Coker on the most dangerous lead in football:

“A 2-0 lead is a difficult one, especially when it’s 2-1.”

ESCAPE TO VICTORY

Rio Ferdinand’s pre-match verdict on Bayern-Real proved his worth as an escapologist.

Gary Lineker:

“Well Rio, 1-2, you predicted that one...”

Rio:

“Yes Gary, I’m a proper Houdini.”

SOME NECK

Mark Kinsella has no truck with Mourinho’s approach:

“United had the opportunity to go for the juggernaut but decided to sit back.”

FAMILY AFFAIR

Ray Parlour brought the West Ham owners closer together:

“David Sullivan and David Gold were sitting in the front row with their son...”

SIMPLY RED

Credit where it’s due on Liverpool FC Radio:

“Virgil van Dijk makes the simple things look easy.”

BELGIAN WAFFLE

Joey Barton on Spurs’ Mousa Dembele, who has played more than 70 times for Belgium.

“Not an international? Not capped by France? Can he get in the French World Cup squad.”

Alan Brazil was no help:

“I don’t see why not.”

CARRIAGE RETURN

Alvin Martin went back to front:

“You don’t put the horse before the cart.”

GONE TO POT

Paul Merson was stuck in baulk:

“Old Trafford is like a snooker table painted green.”

STONE MAD

Martin Keown repurposed his glasshouse:

“When you start throwing stones at other people you need to get things right in your own workshop.”

MY IMPERFECT COUSINS

Micky Quinn on Arsenal:

“To me they’ve got a soft undertone to the team.”

CHEERS FOR TEARS

Dion Dublin’s silver lining:

“The fans have had nothing to cheer for years and years, apart from despair.”

NO PANE NO GAIN

Glenn Hoddle on prospects of a fresh approach at Goodison:

“Sam Allardyce will throw caution to the window.”