DangerHere.com: The Week in Guff

“Suarez has gone down like he’s been crucified.”

DangerHere.com: The Week in Guff

“They need to get to 90 minutes as quick as they possibly can.”

“Diego Costa is like the South American Luis Suarez.”

Rob Palmer shifts Uruguay.

Andy Townsend offers Wigan a spin in the DeLorean: “Stirling didn’t hesitate, he just waited for the challenge...”

Keith Andrews split hairs: “£200 don’t seem like it’s going to cover it at the moment.”

Matt Le Tissier tried to cut corners on the Man Utd rebuild: “On another day Mkhitaryan could have had a hat-trick all by himself.”

Matt Smith has seen enough two-man hat-tricks.

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE NAME GAMES

With Alan Brazil: “Abram Ibrohimovic.”

And Bill O’Herlihy: “Peter Smalling.”

INSIGHT DEPARTMENT

Lee Dixon gets to the heart of the matter: “A penalty shoot-out can be a hit and miss affair.”

Dixon again on Schurrle’s opener against PSG: “I think that was the best thing that could have happened to Chelsea.”

Michael Carrick faced facts in Munich: “It’s obviously a defeat...”

David Jones after Atletico Madrid won 1-0 with a goal after five minutes: “Arguably Atletico won tonight’s game in the first five minutes.”

PUNBELIEVABLE JEFF

Martin Tyler earns his Spurs: “Kane shows that he’s able.”

NO LACK OF BITE

Luis Suarez has mainly behaved himself, yet Mark Lawrenson reports: “Liverpool have literally savaged teams this season.”

Maybe Brendan Rodgers knows the culprits: “The beauty for us is this game is at Anfield. It’s a special place. We will unleash our supporters.”

SAYING, IT AIN’T SO

Lesser known, multi-discipline seanfhocail number 7,689, with John Giles: “There’s an old saying and it applies to rugby as well: ‘A fit player with less ability is better than an unfit player with lots of ability’.”

LET’S TALK ABOUT FACTS

Jim White at the Europa League semi-final draw: “Nuno Gomes’s favourite band is U2. How do I know that? I have no idea.”

LIFE SENTENCES

Peter Beagrie: “It’s all ifs and ands”.

Paul Merson: “For me, this is the be in and end all.”

NEIGH CHANCE

Classic George Hamilton reaction to Wayne Rooney’s big miss in Munich: “What a gift horse into whose mouth he looked.”

DICTIONARY CORNER

Lee Dixon described Petr Cech’s last-second save against PSG as “poignant”. Incidentally, Roy Keane was less moved: “If he doesn’t save that, he needs shooting.”

ALRIGHT JACK?

Pelé would be even more relaxed about dead Brazilian stadium workers if he could only get into those executive lounges a little quicker: “That’s normal, the stuff of life. These things happen. What worries me is the airports not being finished. I’ve been travelling a lot and it’s chaos.”

BEST REGRET

Jason Silva of Chilean side Colo Colo ended up in a cell after grabbing a Universidad de Chile flag from the crowd before stamping and spitting on it.

“It was an ugly night in jail. I was cold and hungry. I didn’t think it through.”

BEST CLARIFICATION

Eamon Dunphy: “We all need sugar daddies in our lives.”

John Giles: “I’ve never had one.”

NEW RICHARD KEYS

Celso Teixeira – coach of Brazilian side Juventus — not being sexist with a female official: “I have no sexism. But I will say this, and it’s not prejudice. If she was my daughter she wouldn’t be wearing those shorts. Why must they be so tight?”

OLD RICHARD KEYS

Mystery tweet of the weekend: @richardajkeys: Lge dick

DIFFERENT BALL GAMES

Eamonn O’Hara on League Sunday: “It was a game of two halves — it was the proverbial game.”

TWEET:@dangerhere

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