Top quotes of 2015: The year in guff

LVG has almost got to grips with the Premier League:

“It was a match that who scores the winning goal shall win.”

Alan Green got tangled up:

“Kane didn’t really want to head it with his left foot if he could avoid it, and he didn’t.”

Paul Merson had a mare:

“They’ll be doing carthorses if they get a draw here.”

Michael Owen got to the bottom of City’s difficulties:

“When they don’t score, they very rarely win.”

Steve Claridge fell on his sword:

“It’s a double-edged whammy.”

John Acres went out on a limb:

“He’s crestfallen…. on his knees as he walks off.”

Des Kelly teased out United’s problems:

“The manager wanted the ball moved quickly tonight, what went wrong?”

Chris Smalling:

“I think we needed to move the ball a bit quicker.”

Glenn Hoddle raised more religious objections:

“What goes on in the dressing room is sacrilege.”

More Words of Hod:

“The games are coming quick and fast.”

Chris Kamara summed up the mysterious career of Cameron Jerome:

“He’s making things happen but so far nothing has happened.”

Eamon Dunphy released new interpretation guidelines on handball:

“He did change the trajectory of the ball and that technically is a penalty.”

Big Sam finished his cake:

“Cutting out those simple goals that Everton scored are the icing on my agenda.”

Mike Ashley may not like Steve McClaren’s idea of improvement:

“It’s a slow progression — two steps forward, three steps back.”

Rio Ferdinand was in the presence of a decade of ghosts at the Allianz Arena, opened in 2005:

“Bayern’s stadium is a great ground. You can feel the history there.”

Jamie Redknapp stopped the clock on Branislav Ivanovic:

“I can’t put a finger on why he’s played so badly, compared to how he played last year. He’s not aged.”

Alan Brazil feared for Tim Sherwood’s successor:

“Aston Villa are looking for a new boss. One man who’s thrown his hat in the towel...”

Lee Dixon made a spectacle of himself:

“All eyes pointing at Jose Mourinho.”

Gilesy won’t get far with this attitude:

“You can’t put the horse before the cart.”

Rio Ferdinand witnessed a formidable show of strength:

“De Bruyne took the bull by the scruff of the neck.”

Takes one to know one, Ian Abrahams:

“James McClean is not the sharpest tool in the book.”

Everything we think we know, one day Paul Merson will tell us different:

“Good managers aren’t the ones who win every game. That’s the easiest job in the world. It’s when you lose every game, that’s what makes you.”

David Pleat’s animal instincts let him down at the Etihad:

“They are like a bunch of giraffes swarming around in their black and white stripes.”

Tim Sherwood invented the word of the year:

“It’s alright saying ifs, buts and maybes. But in factsies, we haven’t picked up three points again.”

In light of European decline, Paul Merson has rebranded the Premier League, going forward:

“The ultimate league in the whole world...”

Steve McManaman sugarcoated things:

“I think the experience they will garnish from this game tonight will be invaluable.”

Michael Owen wrestled with the concept of intention:

“Sometimes you try to mis-hit the ball.”

Thanks but no thanks, said Michael Owen:

“When you’ve gone on a barren run like Harry Kane, the last chance you want is an open goal.”

Steve McManaman put his senses to good use:

“Visually, it looks offside.”

Owen Hargreaves set the bar:

“Perfection at its finest.”

James Milner turned the page at Anfield:

“It’s a disappointing end of the start of the first few games.”

Dwight Yorke advised:

“Once you’re on the first yellow, the second one is always going to cause you problems.”

Dwight on the fairytale of Villa Park:

“It’s a bit of a myth for me why Scott Sinclair hasn’t being playing on a regular.”

Jamie Redknapp puzzled over Diego Costa:

“The last cog in the jigsaw”.

Mike Summerbee recalled the man who glued it all together:

“Franny Lee really sealed the jigsaw.”

Niall Quinn is the only man who can read Vincent Kompany’s body language:

“He’s got his tail between his legs the City captain, he’s really up for it.”

Claudio Ranieri had yet to collect his club abacus:

“We want 40 points. Now we have six, 36 left.”

You could never count on Robbie Savage:

“It’s half a dozen of one, half of the other.”