Danger Here: The last word on a year to remember in sporting guff

Quotes to remember from the year in football...

Ally McCoist predicted:

“I just think the inevitable is going to happen.”

Multimedia Steve Claridge:

“That’ll make uncomfortable reading when they watch the video tomorrow.”

The Word of Hod:

“They’re sitting ducks standing there.”

John Murray on the dextrous Pep Guardiola:

“Whirling his arms, barking out instructions, his hands on his hips.”

It was to the NHS’s great fortune that Terry Butcher never went into medicine:

“It was almost surgical from England, incisive and deadly.”

Charlie Adam faced facts:

“I would say it’s difficult to keep clean sheets if you are conceding goals.”

Joey Barton was hugely impressed by Spurs’ Mousa Dembele, though not to the extent of learning he had played more than 70 times for Belgium:

“Not an international? Not capped by France? ‘Can he get in the French World Cup squad.”

Alan Brazil was no help:

“I don’t see why not.”

Alvin Martin:

“You don’t put the horse before the cart.”

Stephen Warnock flopped:

“Liverpool’s early goal has given them fresh impotence.”

Rio Ferdinand explained the BT Sport house style:

“Obviously we’re here supporting the English teams as neutrals.”

Life went on for Dagenham boss Peter Taylor, though not as most people know it:

“At the end of the day, you wake up in the morning...”

Paul Merson doesn’t do anything by halves:

“Arsenal have spent 385 million. That’s double less than Liverpool and Chelsea.”

What Ian Darke gives with one hand:

“A tired ball from Miguel Luis, who has worked tirelessly.”

Paul Merson feared West Ham would have to give Marko Arnautovic the old shepherd’s hook:

“They’re going have to watch that, Jeff. He’s moving a bit sheeplessly at the moment.”

Udder nonsense from a BBC Radio 5 caller:

“It’s not only football that’s milking the golden goose.”

Alan Pardew found the Villa fans a little tasteless:

“The cabbage that was thrown at Steve Bruce was unsavoury.”

Jim White ordered a Chinese for hospitality box patrons:

“Roy Keane’s prawn crackers brigade.”

Ian Darke’s growing pains:

“Young Boys have to some extent been ridiculed as the nearly men of Swiss football.”

Perry Groves organised another attacking get-together:

“They had a couple of little soirées in the opposition box.”

Ray Houghton crunched the numbers:

“When you see Man United have three midfielders in there and Valencia only have two, United should have the numerical advantage.”

The unpredictable world of professional boxing judging is unlikely to be improved by Stuart Pearce’s involvement:

“If it was a boxing match I’d have had Liverpool slightly ahead even though they were losing 1-0.”

Psycho produced the ultimate tribute to Liverpool’s Joe Gomez:

“For a player of his age, I don’t know what age he is.”

John Hartson tucked Harry Kane in:

“Questions about him being tired will be put to bed.”

Versalite aerobatics with Stuart Pearce:

“Spurs players need to set sail like the Red Arrows.”

Martin Keown was not going to underestimate the efforts of Timothy Fosu-Mensah:

“He ran almost the length of the pitch from the halfway line.”

Jamie Redknapp broke it down:

“The fans can make a real difference to the atmosphere inside the ground.”

Andy Hinchcliffe lightened the load:

“The lone striker role was always going to be a two-man job.”

David Seaman explained how he only got angry once in a blue moon:

“Patrick’s elbow caught me on the side of the head and the blue mist came in.”

Sam Matterface pulled Stoke’s head out of the sand:

“That whole ostrich round the neck is the idea of getting that first win in the league.”

Bill Leslie shifted the goalposts:

“Aguero has rattled the foot of the crossbar.”

Michael Owen likened the Reds’ patternless movement to an aerobatic team famed for flying in strict formation:

“Liverpool are everywhere, there’s no rules as to where they play — they are literally like the Red Arrows.”

Chris Kamara was in two minds:

“I’m not sure it’s a penalty, that’s for sure.”

Dion Dublin’s silver lining:

“The fans have had nothing to cheer for years and years, apart from despair.”

Martin Keown repurposed his glasshouse:

“When you start throwing stones at other people you need to get things right in your own workshop.”

Micky Quinn on Arsenal:

“To me they’ve got a soft undertone to the team.”

No pane, no gain for Ian Darke:

“Sam Allardyce will throw caution to the window.”

Conor McNamara lit up:

“Vaughan saw a chance there to put his name in the headlamps.”

Simon Grayson won’t be satisfied with one-off displays of consistency:

“Sunderland’s problem is trying to get that consistency — all the time.”

Brighton’s marking at set-pieces shocked Ian Wright:

“It gets my alarm bells running.”

Phil Thompson’s creature comforts:

“Does the player want to live in that nice comfort bowl?”

Danny Murphy was all at sea at West Ham set-pieces:

“That’s an awful ball; too shallow, too deep.”