David O'Mahony: My daughter's confidence gives me hope for the future of women

A recent game of Monopoly with the Daughter exhibited her confidence, a trait her father wants to encourage, nurture, and channel.

“I do what I want with my life.” That was Daughter, seven, after her brother accused her of cheating in Monopoly.

Now, I shouldn’t have been surprised by the statement. This is a girl who has been adept at styling outfits since she was about five, and has now moved into seeking out matching jewellery and accessories when she gets new clothes (to the delight of a shop assistant in Naples, who duly found her a woven bag with lemons to match the dress she’d picked out).

But still, hearing some wild pearl of wisdom from somebody so small always leads to a double take. And she has a ruthless streak when it comes to games that she seems to save only for us. She is, it must be said, a thoroughly good and kind child, but there’s nothing that says you can’t be that and instilled with a will to win as well.

The rules of Monopoly (and indeed some card games) in our house are, shall we say, opaque. Fluid, even, largely because we always assume we’ve remembered what the official rules are but then, conveniently, ignore them as required. 

But, channeling the spirit of a confident teenager, Daughter managed to dodge the amount she was due to pay in rent. This included, for example, trying to hide the actual cash so she wouldn’t have to pay up.

It’s such an audacious strategy it never occurred to me to do that with the bank that loaned us our mortgage.

“You’re cheating,” her brother announced. “I do what I want with my life.” And dammit, that line hit hard. She even did a little toss of her hair to underline her nonchalance. 

To quote King Osric in that ancient classic movie, Conan the Barbarian: “What daring! What outrageousness! What insolence! What arrogance!” 

Cheating to win has a certain attraction, especially in a post-capitalist society where inflation is only ever going one way. It’s not just cheating, either; it’s cheating with style, and a certain good nature to let you know it’s all just in good fun.

Although she does tend to announce victory with a sort of deadpan ruthlessness.

In fact, after she managed to bankrupt her brother in Monopoly, she handed him a piece of card and intoned “you’re cooked, this is to show you are bankrupt, and will have to go begging on the street” (she was very clear to me that this was only play money, and not real; her brother was slightly aghast, pointing out that this happens in real life). 

She then offered to expunge the bankruptcy if he gave her another horse ride around the extension with her on his back. Would that we could all discharge our debts in such a manner. 

I wonder what Bank of Ireland would make me do to clear the mortgage? Although at the same time I wonder what they’d offer us in self-defence were they going against Daughter in a game of Monopoly — she’d probably not only win our house, but at least two or three bank branches along with it. 

And then she’d give them away to somebody, because she wouldn’t see the point in holding on to them.

Daughter's confidence

Oh, to have such confidence. I’ve written about her before, but every week brings some startling little reminder of it. The child oozes it, so much we keep encouraging her to try speech and drama as I’m pretty sure she was born for the stage. 

When she was in preschool she started wearing her cap backwards and the other girls immediately copied her. She has that sort of charismatic soft power which, thankfully, she has so far used for good (or to try and get me to buy her a Wispa when we’re at the shop).

The fact that, a few minutes later, she clambered up on her brother’s back and began shouting “giddy up, horsey” just for the hell of it sort of tells me we might be right. It’s the fearlessness and commitment, combined with the charm and startling intelligence that lets her get away with things. 

And while all children need some boundaries — don’t hit your brother with a stick, tidy up after yourself, etc — seeing someone blossom in full flight like this makes you want to encourage, nurture, and channel it. Woe betide anyone who tries to stamp it out.

Not just from us, either. Daughter is as equally at home in ballet shoes as on the taekwondo mat. Once, when she was much smaller, we found her toting a heavy box around the room without great bother, prompting my dad to comment that she was probably doing it because it simply didn’t occur to her that she couldn’t.

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There is a vocal cohort out there that would like to make sure girls like her and the women they become can’t do things that many of us here, in our flawed but stubborn little republic, take as a given. 

Paul Hosford recently wrote about the vitriol women receive while canvassing for elections. Mary Hausfeld of UL wrote in our pages about how female leaders don’t benefit from charismatic leadership the way men do — the problem being that there’s a different set of expectations around women than men. 

We are an incredibly stupid species. And yet — and yet hope springs eternal. Revolutions of the heart can be won.

With the world seemingly going to hell on a daily basis, it seems more important than ever to take these little seeds of hope and water them, tend to them, and let them thrive.