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Dr Colman Noctor: A mother doesn't have to be a perfect parent, just a 'good enough' one

#Colman Noctor

Parenting columnist Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist

A COMPREHENSIVE SERIES OF ARTICLES ON THIS TOPIC

<p>‘The Traitors Ireland’ contestants with host Siobhán McSweeney is a wildly popular reality TV show where deception is the central theme.</p>

parenting

Colman Noctor: What 'The Traitors' can teach us about honesty in the real world

"As entertainment, it’s gripping. As parenting material, it’s complicated. What does it mean when the same adults who insist that honesty is the best policy also cheer when their favourite contestant lies skilfully? How do we reconcile the values we want to instil in our children with the cultural messages we enjoy for leisure?"

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Colman Noctor: Why many young people do not recognise they have been bullied

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Colman Noctor: Supporting your child during the limbo days between results and CAO offers

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Colman Noctor: Strategies for supporting teens anxious about returning to school

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Colman Noctor: New, strict online age verification will keep Ireland’s children safer

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Colman Noctor: Should parents allow kids to take more risks from a young age?

Watching movies is a family activity

Colman Noctor: Watching TV with your child can be educational for you both

"Research from the American Academy of Paediatrics (2020) supports joint media engagement with television shows. The researchers found that when parents watch and discuss content with their children, it improves comprehension, critical thinking, and emotional understanding"

Tue, 08 Jul, 2025

Young teenage female using laptop, ai, chatbot assistant

Colman Noctor: Helping young people find meaningful work in the age of AI

"I have observed a lack of direction among young people as they near the end of secondary school. While I recognise that most 18-year- olds are not ‘sure’ about what they want to do with the rest of their lives, there has been a noticeable decline in clarity."

Tue, 01 Jul, 2025

Young mother and teen girl daughter sitting on sofa using laptop planning vacation

Colman Noctor: Digital literacy does not happen by accident

"It is shaped by environment, opportunity, and belief. When children believe their education is preparing them for the future, they become more engaged in their learning."

Tue, 17 Jun, 2025

Close up of young kid using smart phone at night

Colman Noctor: France pulls the plug on underage access to pornography

In a novel move, the law introduces a “double anonymity” mechanism, involving an independent third party overseeing the age verification process.

Tue, 10 Jun, 2025

Tired student trying to study in the night

Colman Noctor: Using a sports psychology game plan to manage exam stress

Students can benefit from setting SMART goals: Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.

Tue, 03 Jun, 2025

Tourist at windmills in Zaanse Schans

Colman Noctor: Learning from the Dutch approach, where teenagers have high life satisfaction

A UNICEF report has revealed that Irish teenagers are among the least satisfied with life in high-income countries

Tue, 27 May, 2025

Teenagers Relaxing at Youth Club

Colman Noctor: Are youth clubs a traditional solution to a modern problem?

Often seen as relics of the past, youth clubs are vital for the social, emotional, and psychological rehabilitation of today's younger generation

Tue, 20 May, 2025

Stressed woman

Colman Noctor: Pressure to be perfect undermines mental health of teen girls

In today’s fast-paced, high-pressure world, raising adolescent girls can feel like walking a tightrope

Tue, 13 May, 2025

Cute cherful dreaming ginger boy standing

Colman Noctor: Not everyone who struggles to focus has ADHD

Instead of only asking what is wrong with individuals, perhaps we should also ask what is wrong with the world they live in

Tue, 29 Apr, 2025

Tired stressed out mother holding her daughter.

Colman Noctor: Parenting is hard, and even harder with mental illness

Contributing to the shame is how society increasingly idealises parenthood, often equating good parenting with unshakable emotional stability

Tue, 22 Apr, 2025

Walking Together From Class to Class

Colman Noctor: Interplay of politics and personality decides a teen’s popularity status

I remain hopeful that despite living in a world that is becoming more obsessed with image, power, and status, likeability remains the quiet power that never goes out of style

Tue, 15 Apr, 2025

Tired girl sleeping at her desk

Colman Noctor: Student burnout is not limited to exam years

Why is this time of year particularly challenging for so many young people?

Tue, 08 Apr, 2025

Portrait of a young man 19 years old

Colman Noctor: Love is not enough when raising teenagers

The Netflix series Adolescence reminds us that love must be accompanied by presence, awareness, and action.

Tue, 01 Apr, 2025

Portrait of British secondary schoolboy taking exam

Colman Noctor: We need to bridge the post-school gap for children with additional needs

Study finds we still have some distance to go before we can effectively support young people with additional needs in their post-school pathways

Tue, 25 Mar, 2025

Playing on the Climbing Frame

Colman Noctor: Pandemic leaves its mark on children's development

Lockdowns disrupted many aspects of early childhood

Tue, 18 Mar, 2025

Hearing a father's advice

Colman Noctor: How to offer support to your teenager without piling on the pressure

Communicating with teenagers is challenging, but slight shifts in approach can make a big difference

Tue, 11 Mar, 2025

Depressed teenager sitting lonely

Colman Noctor: Lessons must be learned about school avoidance

"Prolonged periods away from structured school environments made reintegrating difficult for some children. Younger students, particularly, missed out on critical early social experiences, making school feel unfamiliar and intimidating."

Tue, 04 Mar, 2025

Teen guy showing new video on cellphone to friends

Colman Noctor: We need to reboot our approach to internet safety

Many programmes focus on teaching young people how to use technology safely, but they should also demonstrate how technology uses them.

Tue, 18 Feb, 2025

Mother and daughter at home

Colman Noctor: Parenting a highly sensitive child brings its own rewards

Sensitive children often reflect on existential issues beyond their chronological age. They are usually ‘deep thinkers’ prone to overanalysing feelings and experiences. But this is not always a cause for worry. Sensitive children can be incredibly thoughtful and insightful, making them ferociously loyal friends and strong allies to have in your corner

Tue, 11 Feb, 2025

happy friends smiling, sitting and taking selfie with smartphone

Colman Noctor: Fact-checking three common myths about teenagers

Stop blaming teens, and fact-check the stereotypes instead

Tue, 04 Feb, 2025

Colman Noctor: I’ve yet to meet a nine-year-old who can safely manage their online life

Colman Noctor: I’ve yet to meet a nine-year-old who can safely manage their online life

We know that those who have grown up in a time when smartphone usage is a generation that sleeps less, socialise less and worries more than any previous generation

Tue, 28 Jan, 2025

Mother gave her son a consoling pat on the back

Colman Noctor: How to negotiate house rules with your young adult child

Parents of adult children who are living at home often find themselves in a difficult position

Tue, 21 Jan, 2025

Rear View Of Mother And Daughter Walking On Road Against Sky

Colman Noctor: Children need shepherds, not engineers

Rather than micro-managing their lives or spreading ourselves too thin to enable them to participate in every extracurricular activity possible, we need to take a back seat, let them develop at their own pace, and be there for them when they need us

Tue, 14 Jan, 2025

Beautiful young woman and charming little girl are looking at camera and smiling while lying on yoga mat in fitness hall

Colman Noctor: Shielding children from the culture of New Years' Resolutions

"While wanting to improve our lifestyle and choices is inherently good, it should not be a feature of childhood. That time of life should not be burdened with such adult-type pressures."

Tue, 07 Jan, 2025

man using smartphone with social media application icons

Colman Noctor: Contactless relationships do not add up for young people

"We are witnessing the first generation who have not grown up on the street, road, or green, and the social and emotional consequences are becoming apparent."

Tue, 31 Dec, 2024

Photo of adorable cheerful girl toothy smile hold use telephone newyear magic atmosphere house indoors

Colman Noctor: Smartphones disconnect parents from their children

Smart technology can seriously undermine your relationship with your child

Tue, 24 Dec, 2024

Multi Generation Family Running On Winter Beach

Colman Noctor: Building bridges with extended family paves the way for confident children

Extended family paves the way for confident children

Tue, 17 Dec, 2024

Full length body size view of two attractive cheerful kids secondary isolated over bright blue color background

Colman Noctor: Gender equality is about equal opportunity for boys and girls

As much as we aspire to be an equal-opportunity society, we still have some way to go

Tue, 10 Dec, 2024

Cute little girl in love

Colman Noctor: Being kind to others is a win-win

"In an increasingly individualist world that places far more emphasis on the ‘I’ than the ‘we’, it is more challenging for children to be aware of the value of reaching out to others."

Tue, 03 Dec, 2024

Boy Using Smartphone Typing, Chatting Conversation Concept. Chat Box Icons. Social Media Maketing.

Colman Noctor: Technology is reducing our children’s attention spans

"Technology is designed to tap into our innate desire for instant gratification. Platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube deliver quick bursts of entertainment, creating a reward loop that keeps us returning for more."

Tue, 26 Nov, 2024

Dad talking with his smiling little son on a sofa at home

Colman Noctor: Children thrive when they get our undivided attention

In a world where our attention has never been more distracted, the concept of ‘undivided attention’ has never been more critical

Tue, 19 Nov, 2024

Colm O'Gorman: Say hello to zingy, spicy Suka Pinakarut with this salmon rice bowl

Colm O'Gorman: Say hello to zingy, spicy Suka Pinakarut with this salmon rice bowl

"This dish draws upon many cuisines. Latin American ceviche, Japanese sushi, Korean pickle, all marry together beautifully to create a dish that is fresh and delicious, and very, very healthy to boot"

Fri, 15 Nov, 2024

Close up of a little girl looking at some futuristic holograms.

Colman Noctor: Algorithms shaping childhood byte-by-byte

"Adults might be dismissive and think of themselves as ‘too old’ to be concerned about such things - but the metaverse is not for 40-somethings like you or me, but for our children."

Tue, 12 Nov, 2024

Boy with smartphone indoors. Preteen boy using a phone checking social media. Concept of children using the smartphone

Colman Noctor: Everything parents need to know about their child's use of Snapchat

'Snapchat does not always accurately curtail or filter content to the user’s age. Not only are they vulnerable to viewing inappropriate content, they can also create and share such content on Spotlight'

Tue, 05 Nov, 2024

Upset girl on her smartphone in the dark.

Colman Noctor: Helping young people deal with online issues like bullying

We must provide the necessary support for young people to navigate the digital world

Tue, 29 Oct, 2024

Mother with sons on sofa enjoying home movie night.

Colman Noctor: Watching television as a family can boost emotional health

From Highway to Heaven to Fortycoats & Co — television shows I watched in my childhood and early adulthood played a significant role in shaping the views, opinions and beliefs I still hold today

Tue, 22 Oct, 2024

Primary school kids, wearing school uniforms and backpacks, running on a walkway outside their school building, front view

Colman Noctor: Educational outcomes determined by financial resources of parents

A new study shows the impact social background has on children's educational experience

Tue, 15 Oct, 2024

Best Friends in School

Colman Noctor: Focus on schoolchildren, not on smartphone pouches

If we are to manage our problematic relationship with technology, we need to work with humans, not the devices.

Tue, 08 Oct, 2024

Father and his little son playing together in a park

Colman Noctor: Why parent-child attachment styles are important to understand

The attachment style a child forms with their caregiver significantly influences how they approach relationships as adults. Securely attached children tend to become adults comfortable with intimacy and trusting others easily. Those with insecure attachments (anxious, avoidant, or disorganised) may struggle with trust, emotional regulation, or forming healthy, close relationships

Tue, 01 Oct, 2024

Girl in headphones using laptop, waving hand to webcam

Colman Noctor: Children click on screens instead of engaging in person

A 2023 study by the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) in Britain found that nearly half of children experienced a further decline in social and emotional skills during the pandemic.

Tue, 24 Sep, 2024

Teenagers travelling in London train

Colman Noctor: Should parents track or trust their teenagers?

I am concerned that constant tracking could limit their opportunities to develop crucial life skills

Tue, 17 Sep, 2024

Supporting Students at School

Colman Noctor: Return to school brings a wave of anxiety

For most children with underlying anxiety, the return to school in September will almost always see it bubble up to the surface.

Tue, 10 Sep, 2024

Colman Noctor: How much independence should we allow our teens?

Colman Noctor: How much independence should we allow our teens?

"Along with assessing levels of independence individually, general guidelines and principles can help parents determine the right level for their teenager."

Tue, 03 Sep, 2024

Frustrated sad woman feeling tired

Colman Noctor: What about the Leaving Cert students who fall short? Six tips for parents

If your child fails to get the points or CAO offer they had hoped to achieve, parental support is vital

Wed, 28 Aug, 2024