Colman Noctor: Strategies for supporting teens anxious about returning to school 

If your adolescent reacts strongly to any mention of the upcoming school year, try to understand why. Rather than dismiss their concerns with, ‘No one likes school, just get on with it,’ start with empathy. Be curious about what is worrying them.

EVERY August, my inbox fills with messages from parents seeking support for children who are anxious about returning to school. As summer ends and ‘back to school’ adverts appear, anticipation grows, and, for some young people, so does unease. Early mornings, academic stress, and social pressures all loom large. While some teens manage this nervousness, others face significant anxiety or even school avoidance.

If your child is anxious about returning to school, you’re not alone. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (2022), anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health issues in adolescents, and 32% of teens describe school transitions as a major trigger.

This trend is reflected in most mental health conditions. Referrals of teens for therapy drop during the summer, but surge in September, January, and again during exam season in May and June.

If your adolescent reacts strongly to any mention of the upcoming school year, try to understand why. Rather than dismiss their concerns with, ‘No one likes school, just get on with it,’ start with empathy. Be curious about what is worrying them.

Boys and girls can express this anxiety differently. Girls may verbalise their concerns more openly, speaking about worries about academic performance, social relationships, or changes in appearance. Whereas boys might exhibit anxiety through irritability, withdrawal, or reluctance to discuss their feelings, focusing, instead, on external factors, like school rules or routines.

Regardless of gender, the sources of back-to-school anxiety usually fall in to three areas: The work (academic demands), the people (issues with teachers or peers), or the place (the structure and rigidity of school).

Academic pressure isn’t always obvious. Some teenagers have huge expectations of themselves, because of perfectionism or fear of failure. Others, especially those who have learning difficulties, may be tired of working hard without seeing the outcome reflected in their grades.

Peer comparisons also contribute. Some young people might seem anxious despite achieving average grades, which can be confusing for parents. However, their children may feel this way because their peer group consists of high performers, making them feel inferior.

Social concerns are another significant cause of school-related anxiety. From bullying to fear of judgement, these challenges, however subtle or persistent, can be distressing. Additionally, the abrupt shift from summer freedom to a fixed school schedule can be jarring, particularly for those who struggle with transitions.

Negative past experiences, such as academic failure, conflicts with teachers, or trauma, can heighten back-to-school anxiety. Underlying mental health conditions, like generalised anxiety, depression, or social anxiety can also intensify stress as the new term nears.

Developing teenage brain

Some parents respond dismissively, saying things like, ‘I didn’t like school either, but I still went.’ This can come from a place where we see contemporary teens as entitled or lazy and simply not wanting to return to school because it requires hard work. However, as psychologist Dr Lisa Damour explains in The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, strong reactions aren’t signs of entitlement, but reflect the developing teenage brain, which is still learning how to regulate stress. She notes, “Stress and anxiety aren’t inherently bad, but when those feelings overwhelm their capacity to function, it’s time to intervene.”

Instead of dismissing their worries, we need to approach this issue with curiosity. Saying, ‘I can tell you’re feeling uneasy about going back to school. Can you help me understand what’s worrying you?’ acknowledges their fears and demonstrates concern, as well as a willingness to support them.

Avoid phrases like, ‘You’ll be fine’ or ‘Everyone has to go back.’ Instead, validate their experience. Acknowledge that transitions are complex, but common.

A 2020 study in the Journal of Adolescence found that school-year transitions significantly affect adolescents’ mood and behaviour, especially after long breaks.

Providing context and perspective can help. You could try to reassure your child by saying, ‘Many people feel anxious before school starts. It doesn’t mean something’s wrong; it means your brain is preparing for change.’

It might be tempting to try to avoid the topic by not mentioning school until the last minute, but this is unwise.

Instead, by gradually reintroducing routine, you are subtly preparing your child for the inevitable transition. Start adjusting bedtimes and wake-up times a couple of weeks in advance. Bring back regular mealtimes and reduce screen time. The goal is to ease the transition, not shock the system.

While most teens will be resistant to such measures, there is no easy way to sell unpopular interventions to teenagers who believe they know better. One of the most challenging aspects of parenting is giving your children what they need, not what they want. For example, re-establishing routine before the return to school is likely to be unpopular and resisted, but to optimise your child’s ability to manage the transition, a certain degree of unpopularity and insistence on house rules will be necessary.

Managing their opposition is pivotal to the parenting role. Holding the line and tolerating your lack of popularity is an unfortunate but necessary aspect of being a parent, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

However, even in the case of a resistant or disgruntled teen, parents can continue to validate their feelings and empathise with their perception of unfairness, be open and approachable throughout the period of disagreement, and continue to sell the longer-term benefits of establishing routines and facilitating them to reconnect with peers.

Offer ongoing support

Work with your child to create a plan. Anxiety often thrives on uncertainty, so having a roadmap helps. Ask them what would make returning to school easier. Don’t promise that everything will be fine, because it might not be, but assure them you’ll support them through any difficulties that might arise.

Academic stress is a significant cause of anxiety. Help identify specific concerns and support them in setting achievable goals. If necessary, offer to speak with teachers, tutors, or support staff at the start of the term, or suggest introducing time-management strategies, such as breaking tasks in to smaller parts or using planners, if your child is willing.

Most importantly, emphasise that imperfection is OK. Praise their efforts more than results and avoid overreacting to setbacks. Model calm responses to stress yourself, as teens often learn more from what we do than what we say.

Social anxiety is also common, particularly during back to school. Encourage your child to reconnect with their peers before school starts, perhaps by suggesting they arrange a casual meet-up or have friends over to your house.

Again, if your child is open to it, try discussing typical social scenarios, like joining a lunch group or starting a conversation. Teach simple grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or noticing your surroundings, to help them manage anxious moments.

If your teen’s anxiety seems overwhelming or leads to school avoidance, consider seeking professional help. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is highly effective for adolescent anxiety.

In cases of school avoidance, work with supportive school staff to create a flexible re-entry plan. This might involve reduced schedules, peer support, or manageable workloads.

Amid the uncertainty of the new school term, your home can be the antidote, providing a haven of stability. So keep routines calm and consistent. Offer emotional safety and remind them it helps to talk about hard feelings.

Encourage healthy habits, including balanced meals, regular sleep, and physical activity. A 2021 study published in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health found that regular exercise significantly reduces anxiety in teens. Even a 20-minute walk can help regulate emotions.

Let your teen see how you manage stress, whether it’s through open communication, problem-solving, or calming techniques like the ‘STOP’ method: Stop, take a breath, observe, proceed. So, for example, when they get anxious in school, encourage them to take a moment and pause their thoughts. Take three deep breaths: Inhale for four seconds and exhale for seven seconds. Then, try and observe what is happening by using context and perspective, and then calmly think about what they should do next. This process can be practised in advance of returning to school, when the anxious anticipatory thoughts about the pending return occur.

Strategies like these can be useful as coping tools.

Once school begins, gently check in regularly without putting pressure on them.

Reassure them that setbacks are normal and you are always there to talk. Stay calm, steady, and supportive.

Helping a teenager through back-to-school anxiety isn’t about eliminating stress. It’s about guiding them through it. Anxiety, when understood and managed, can become a tool for growth.

More than anything, your teen needs to know you believe in their ability to face challenges, and that you’ll be by their side as they do.