Friendship — The often overlooked pillar of health

We all know the benefits of diet and exercise when it comes to leading longer, healthier lives, but friendships and a sense of community are crucial too 

The people most satisfied with their relationships aged 50 were the healthiest, aged 80. Picture: iStock 

What is the secret to a long, happy and healthy life?The Harvard Study of Adult Development posed this question in 1938 when it first started tracking what is now more than 2,000 participants.

The answer it arrived at was relationships with family, friends, and community. The study showed that the people most satisfied with their relationships aged 50 were the healthiest, aged 80.

In week four of our Disconnect to Connect series, we explore why we need to — and how we can — build social connections.

These questions are particularly pertinent in Ireland. An EU-wide survey carried out in 2022 found that 20% of people here reported feeling lonely most or all of the time, well above the EU average of 13%.

This figure is worrying because loneliness seriously impacts health. A 2019 study that looked at data from 479,054 people in Britain found that those who had few or no friends were at higher risk of heart attack, stroke, and premature death.

This is just one study in a growing body of research, according to Joanna McHugh Power, associate professor in psychology at Maynooth University and chair of the Government’s loneliness taskforce research network.

“There is overwhelming evidence that loneliness is linked to poor health outcomes of all kinds,” she says. “Dementia, depression, and cardiovascular risk are just some examples.”

Dr Harry Barry is a GP, mental health expert, and bestselling author of books such as The Power of Connection. He explains loneliness takes such a toll on us because we evolved to rely on one another for survival.

“There are times when we are comfortable in our own company, but loneliness comes with a feeling of rejection, of not being good or important enough for other people,” he says. “That causes stress hormones to rise, driving inflammation, which is at the root of the elevated health risk associated with loneliness.”

Canadian professor Kiffer Card researches the impact of loneliness and is the president of the Canadian Alliance for Social Connection and Health. In 2024, he was part of the team that published the world’s first public health guidelines for social connection. What prompted them to do so was “evidence that puts chronic loneliness on a par with smoking 15 cigarettes a day,” says Card.

Prof Kiffer Card: ‘A full life depends on having a range of connections.’

“Since the 1940s, the World Health Organization has defined health as physical, mental, and social wellbeing, but the social component hasn’t been treated with the seriousness it deserves. There are guidelines for nutrition, physical activity, and sleep, but social connection has been left off the list despite being the strongest single predictor for happiness.”

The Canadian team’s first guideline encourages people to take stock of their current social networks.

“Do you have enough people you can turn to in a given moment and enough people to meet your social needs? For most of us, that means three to five close friends,” says Card. “Below that, people often lack the support they need. Above it, they can be spread too thin to give enough time to each relationship.”

The second guideline is to aim for one to three hours of daily social interaction. It may sound like a lot, but Card reassures you that “this figure is less daunting once you look at what counts. It can be a walk with someone, a chat at work, or a phone call. It can be with neighbours, coworkers, your coffee barista, or your family members or friends. Once you add up all the small exchanges that run through a day, one to three hours turns out to be within reach for most people.”

Connection and curiosity

If reflecting on your social network makes you realise it doesn’t meet your needs or add up to enough social interaction, McHugh Power says summer is a great time to try to improve that situation.

Try to socialise around activities that you enjoy, says Joanna McHugh Power. Picture: Tadhg Nathan

“It’s generally a lot easier to motivate ourselves and others to socialise in summer. So take the coming weeks as an opportunity to build a solid base of social activities that will stand to you in winter.”

Those activities could include signing up for a class or joining a local organisation like a choir, book club, or Tidy Towns group.

“Another great way of fitting in more socialising is considering how it might complement existing activities,” says McHugh Power. “If you like to garden, is there an allotment you could share with a friend? If you run, could you join a running club or parkrun?”

It is repeated interactions with other people that lead to friendships. This is why people can make such good friends at school and at work.

“The same thing can happen when you join something like an art class,” says Card. “Connection builds over repeated encounters, and choosing activities and places tied to your interests helps because you already have something in common with the people there.”

Volunteering is another option. A 2023 British paper showed that it has benefits for social as well as mental and physical health and wellbeing.

Dr Harry Barry in Dublin's City Centre. Picture: Gareth Chaney Collins

Building our social network isn’t always about reaching out to new people. Barry says it can also be about nurturing the connections we already have.

“Make a list of the friends and acquaintances you haven’t been in touch with for a while and get in touch to arrange to meet up,” he says. “Maybe ask a friend over for tea or a colleague out for lunch. Make a positive effort to engage with other people rather than waiting for them to engage with you.”

Barry has two tips for those who feel anxious about socialising. One is to work on communication skills because “many of us aren’t good at listening or understanding body language”.

“As a result, we don’t pick up on what the other person is really saying. When we improve those skills, people enjoy talking to us more.”

His second tip is to “show curiosity about other people”.

“That way, you’ll discover what you have in common and be more likely to make a real connection.”

Nurture a range of relationships

The Canadian social connection guidelines recognise the need for different kinds of relationships to meet different social needs.

“Knowing your neighbour gives you a sense of safety in your community and someone to turn to for a cup of sugar, whereas a partner provides emotional support alongside financial and practical collaboration,” says Card. “A full life depends on having a range of connections rather than concentrating everything in one or two people.”

Barry believes that we feel most socially connected when we interact with people face-to-face rather than online.

He acknowledges that “social media allows us to connect with other people with whom we have things in common” but questions whether communicating through screens can ever be truly sustaining.

“I’m convinced that most communication is non-verbal,” he says. “We can often miss the likes of facial expressions, eye contact and body language online, which is why I think online connection can feel unfulfilling.”

His advice is to turn online connections into real-world relationships where possible because “meeting people face to face is the real path to connection”.

Looking beyond the summer, Barry suggests we follow these social connection guidelines throughout the year. “We can retreat into our houses and onto screens in winter,” he says. “Resist this by keeping up social contact with people. You’ll keep loneliness at bay and feel happier and healthier in yourself as a result.”

This week’s homework

• Reflect on your relationships and ask if they meet your social needs.
• If they don’t, make a list of relationships you could rekindle. Get in touch with the people on that list and arrange to meet. Or try to expand your social network by joining a local club, organisation, or voluntary group.
• In each of your social interactions, practise listening, observing body language, and showing curiosity about the other person.