Workplace Wellbeing: How to deal with negative people at work
Debbie Downer's and Negative Nigels can drag down the vibes at the workplace Picture: iStock
Have you ever encountered a ‘Debbie Downer’ or a ‘Negative Nigel’ at work? These people seem to enjoy complaining, and Dr Paolo Yaranon has met more than a few.
For example, when the assistant professor of organisational psychology and behaviour at Dublin City University worked in healthcare, he had a colleague who never stopped moaning.
“In that workplace, we worked 12-hour shifts with a 40-minute break, and that colleague filled those breaks with a litany of negativity,” he says. “It ruined the morale of everyone having lunch to the extent that people stopped taking their lunch breaks in the canteen. You couldn’t rest or relax there, because you absorbed so much of their negative energy.”
As an academic who focuses on interpersonal dynamics at work, he now understands why such pessimism is so hard to take. It’s to do with what he calls emotional contagion. “The default human setting is to absorb and imitate the emotions expressed around us. We’re built to tune into the emotional tone of others.”
He explains that we may be especially prone to soaking up negative emotions “because our drive to survive primed us to pay more attention to threats and problems”.
The president of the Psychological Society of Ireland, Dr Sarah Cassidy, says that working with a chronic complainer could even turn you into one yourself. “Research shows that other people’s behaviour influences how we think and act,” she says. “So it’s not surprising if working in a culture where complaining is the norm pulls us into a loop of negativity.”
What can we do to counter this negativity? Cassidy says we should start by accepting that some complaining is to be expected, even welcomed, because bringing a problem to the attention of others is the first step towards resolving it.
One-off venting is fine too, according to Yaranon. “It’s when it’s relentless that it can shift our mood, increase stress, and reduce motivation,” he says.
Research supports this viewpoint, including a 2016 study that looked at data from 82 teams in a Canadian organisation and concluded that frequent complaining had a detrimental impact on team performance.
If you’re exposed to relentless complaining at work, Yaranon recommends a technique that involves listening to your colleague’s complaint and validating their feelings. However, he is quick to point out that this technique doesn’t mean agreeing with their negativity.
“Agreeing can end up feeding the negative cycle further, which doesn’t solve the problem,” he says. “Identifying the positives and telling them to look on the bright side doesn’t necessarily help, either, as it overlooks people’s need to feel heard. Saying something like, ‘That sounds frustrating’ or ‘I can understand why you’re feeling that way’ acknowledges people’s feelings and can calm the emotional intensity of the situation.”
He believes this approach can be more useful than suggesting a solution to your colleague’s problem. “Most people want to be heard, not fixed,” he says. “Then, once they feel understood, they are often more open to conversations about problem-solving. Try not to jump straight in with a solution.”
Yaranon is not sure how effective such a method is likely to be. “It could help convey that you’re not available for endless venting, but if the other person is stressed or looking for support, it could feel dismissive and increase their frustration,” he says.
There may be times when it’s best to draw boundaries between yourself and the chronic complainer. If their moaning is affecting you, then Cassidy suggests taking action.
“Saying something like, ‘I’m still wearing my rose-tinted glasses and would like to keep wearing them, thank you very much’ is friendly and playful, but it makes the point. Or saying, ‘You know what, I don’t know anything about that, so I’ll leave it with you’ interrupts the negativity and signals that you’re not going to get bogged down in it. It puts it back on the person to deal with it themselves.”
You may also need to take steps to protect yourself from picking up other people’s negativity. The first step, says Cassidy, is awareness. That allows you to take the next step, which “would, ideally, be to surround yourself with more radiators — or people who warm you up — instead of drains that suck the life out of you”.
She understands that it may not be easy to distance yourself from a complainer if they happen to have the desk next to yours. “There are ways to insulate yourself from them, though,” she says. “Think of how a hot water tank is wrapped in a lagging jacket. What could your lagging jacket be? Could you wear headphones at work? Are there places you could go for quiet breaks, even if it’s only a walk to the parking lot?”
But what if you’re the negative influence in your workplace? Is there anything you can do to break the habit of complaining?
Awareness can also help here, says Cassidy. The more you catch yourself spiralling in to negativity and stop yourself doing it, the more you will disrupt the habitual pattern of behaviour.
She also advises eating and sleeping well and getting enough exercise.
Yaranon recommends exercise, which he personally finds effective: “Movement is the one thing that brings me out of negativity. It diverts my attention from what’s wrong and redirects my brain towards positivity.”
Asking others for support can be beneficial, too. “You cannot underestimate the role of family, friends, and other connections,” says Yaranon. “They can offer alternative perspectives and approaches to your problems.”
Cultivating a gratitude mindset can also shift your focus from negativity to positivity. However, Cassidy warns that balance is key.
“It’s not healthy to turn our heads away and pretend a difficult work situation isn’t happening,” she says. “That’s experiential avoidance and it’s associated with a host of psychopathologies. It’s helpful to cultivate gratitude for what’s good in our lives, but it has to be authentic.”
Managers and employers can also play a part in addressing the problem of negativity in the workplace. Yaranon says that it’s in their best interests to do so.
“Often, constant complaining is a symptom of something deeper, like burnout, stress, or not being heard. If it’s not tackled promptly, it can erode team morale. Employers and managers need to understand that all employees have concerns, frustrations, or interpersonal challenges from time to time. There should be practices in place that allow them to share these concerns, frustrations, and challenges without fear of judgement.”
But first, a strong foundation of psychological safety has to be in place. “Leaders should model respectful communication,” says Yaranon. “They should make it clear that they value and welcome people voicing problems by responding with open questions and empathy, ensuring people feel heard and finding appropriate solutions.”
Negative complaining can even become positive if it’s harnessed correctly, says Cassidy.
“Workplaces making space for people to communicate when they think things aren’t being done right is critical to having happy productive staff,” she says. “When we know that we can reach out to colleagues, managers, and employers with concerns that will be heard with genuine openness and that change will happen as a result of those conversations, we feel respected, included, and as if we belong.
“That feeling of belonging is likely to increase our sense of engagement and job satisfaction, which serves our organisation’s success in the long run.”
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