Sex File: Why won't he hold my hand even though we still have regular sex

When a man rejects every bid for affection, even though he knows it upsets his partner, he is sending her a very clear message

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My husband and I have regular, satisfying sex. The trouble is he never wants to touch me outside sex - or even hold hands. He avoids me if I approach him so I don't bother any more. This kind of intimacy has gradually disappeared from our marriage. He brushes me off whenever I raise it.

Intimacy is an interesting word because it is simultaneously defined as "a close, familiar, affectionate and loving relationship" and also as "sexual intercourse". Intimacy therefore describes the emotional and the physical connections that are fundamental to a happy and healthy marriage. At the start of a relationship, the emotional and the sexual are inextricably linked, but everything changes over time and marriage is no exception. Even so, in a good marriage, the fundamentals of intimacy remain and even after decades together touch and small gestures of non-sexual affection are the language through which connection is expressed.