Waterford family celebrates wedding as Irish Traveller and English gypsy traditions unite
Savannah Stokes, who is an English gypsy, with her Irish Traveller husband Tom Stokes after tying the knot. Tom spoke to the 'Irish Examiner' about the challenges of an intercultural marriage on the morning of his wedding day. Picture: Maryna Korbut
The idea of two teenage sweethearts running away together in the name of love is a concept that is difficult to believe exists outside of movies and romance novels.
Such a coming-of-age experience, however, was far from a fairy tale for young Irish Traveller Tom Stokes.
Speaking to the on the morning of his wedding day, the 19-year-old is anxiously waiting as his bride-to-be gets ready in the next room. It’s a full-circle moment for the teenager, who is joined by his parents and seven siblings at their family home in Ferrybank, Co Waterford.
Just two years ago, he felt that running away with his girlfriend Savannah was the only option left to give their relationship a fighting chance. The couple’s decision was not without its complications, considering Savannah’s background as an English gypsy.
Their separate histories mean that marriages between the Travelling and English gypsy communities remain a taboo, and can sometimes be met with social friction.
Romany gypsies trace their roots back to northern India, migrating from there centuries ago.
Irish Travellers, on the other hand, have notable historical differences, with research dating their origins back to the 1600s during the Cromwellian conquest.
It might be the reason why such marriages are still relatively uncommon in Ireland.
Savannah’s twin sister Indianna is the only member of the bride’s family present at the event. She is partly responsible for bringing the couple together, having married the groom’s brother Patrick more than a year ago. This relationship also faced uncertainty that resulted in them running away together.
“Some people are shocked when I tell them that I’m marrying an English gypsy,” says Tom.
“They wouldn’t have had that years ago. You see it happening in England, but not so much over here. We met through my brother Patrick and his wife. We were both at the same wedding. I tagged along with Patrick when he was meeting Indianna, and Savannah tagged along with Indianna.
"I was 16 when we ran away together. It was the only way we could be together. I wasn’t nervous doing that, because I’ve seen so much in my life.”
His brother Patrick and Indianna, who share a baby daughter named Delilah, have fuelled the couple's hopes for the future. In many ways, they paved the way for their relationship to thrive.
“I was 17 when we ran away and got married,” says Patrick, who is now 20.
“We had met at her brother’s wedding. It was only three weeks when we decided to run away together. Running away is a big thing in the Travelling community. I wouldn’t have had it any other way, in spite of all the challenges.
"We went to Weston-Super-Mare Beach before coming back to our families to try and get the wedding sorted. When boys and girls are together, they are supposed to get married straight away. We had some issues with Indianna’s family, though. The biggest being that we were two different religions. We were Catholics, and they were born-again Christians.”
Tom acknowledges that he is lucky to have a mum and dad who are supportive and accepting of their relationships.
Star and Kris are not exactly your typical parents. While they are undoubtedly proud of their old-school Traveller values, the couple are somewhat different to the generations who came before them. While the Travellers of yesteryear made ends meet with tin-smithing, Star and Kris prefer TikToking, and boast around 29,500 followers on their shared social media account.
Their activism work is widely known both in the Travelling community and across the country. Star will also be making her debut as an author with her memoir, , which is set to be launched in the coming weeks.
On this particular morning, Kris is busy entertaining the masses as he helps prepare son Tom for what they hope will be the happiest day of his life.
Meanwhile, Star is frantically trying to navigate the logistical challenges of such an extravagant affair. These include the Irish draught horses outside who are enjoying a grooming session as they get fitted with decorative headdresses to complete Savannah’s Cinderella carriage.
The mother of eight has been managing preparations singlehandedly in the run-up to the big day — she has even funded the entire wedding herself as a goodwill gesture.
Savannah explained why the similarities in their cultures will make it easier to adapt to married life.
“It would be a lot different if I was coming from a big house. Before I got married, I always lived in a mobile home. I’ve never lived in a house in my life, so this is what I’m used to.”
Father of the groom, Kris, admits he had reservations about intercultural marriages at first.
“I was worried because you don’t see many Irish Travellers marrying English gypsies in Ireland. In England it’s common, but not so much over here. We were half worried that it wasn’t going to work out. Looking back, it was just the unknown that I was afraid of. The girls are fitting in so well now. Whatever advice you give them will be taken on board.”
Kris is constantly reminding his children to remember their roots.
“We all came from the side of the road,” he says.
“We might have our microwaves and our toasters and all the bling, but we never forget the barrel-top wagons or where we came from.”
Reminders of the discrimination they face are an everyday reality for Kris and his family.
He adds: "I’m trying to keep up the traditions and remind my children to be proud of where they come from. We need to be proud of those wagons and tents, even if we win the lottery.”
Kris says he fears that technology is only reinforcing the racism they experience on a daily basis.
“I think the racism is worse now because of YouTube and the internet. If you Google 'Travellers', the first thing that comes up is call-out videos. There are a lot of Travellers out there who don’t engage in violence or drug dealing. They are respectable people.
"That’s why Star and I are on TikTok. We want to give people a true picture of the Travelling community. There are disgusting human beings in our community just like there are in the settled ones, but there are also very good people making positive contributions to society.
"It’s just sad that many have to suffer when our community is tarnished by bad apples. There have been times when I’ve walked into a pub and asked for a pint, only to be told that I have 'had enough' and be offered an orange or a soft drink instead.”
Nonetheless, Kris is glad his grandchildren will not have to experience the type of discrimination he faced while growing up.
“The first time I experienced racism was when my mother sent me to school; I wasn’t allowed to mix with the general school population. There were about seven or eight of us, and both communities were not allowed to mix.
"We were in a different class and even had different breaks and finishing times. This is not to demonise my teachers in any way, because they were very nice. It was the system that was at fault.
"The generation I come from was often only put to school for religious reasons. I was only sent there to be able to make my Communion. I eventually returned to make my Confirmation in 1992. At that stage the segregation was over, and I was placed in a settled class. I learned an awful lot here. After a while, I was reading books about the First World War.”
Meanwhile, Tom said he is looking forward to married life. The 19-year-old revealed that he is more excited about spending the rest of his life with Savannah than the wedding day itself.
“It’s a woman’s dream really, isn’t it?” Tom said. “It’s what they have been waiting their whole lives for.
"I don’t think Traveller boys really think about that stuff. My plan when I was younger was always to get married at 25, but I’m very happy. When you find that person that you love, you don’t really have to worry about anything anymore. I’m very happy now.”
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