So, I say to my kids brightly, is there anything you’d like to do this mid term? That doesn’t cost any money? (Skiing’s out, sorry).

Injury. For professional sports people, it is both the bogeyman outside the window and the wolf at the door.

Read on for our spolier-free guide to today's TV

When the former Garda Commissioner Martin Callinan described statements made during the whistleblower controversy as “disgusting”, it brought an episode of the comedy show Fawlty Towers to mind.

THE puppet allows a ventriloquist to say all manner of things — lewd, nasty and, in the case of Nina Conti, who performs at the Cork Opera House on Monday, darn funny.

“OH, I do like to be beside the seaside...” So went the Cockney music-hall song of the early 20th century.

Arsene Wenger’s tormenters are circling for the kill now. There is a Shakespearean vibe around North London. A great man is on the verge of being driven demented by betrayal and changed circumstances.

Sideline scrum now the bane of rugby

Check out our tips for today's horse races from courses around Ireland and the UK.

Pat Keane and Ruby Walsh discuss tactics ahead of Cheltenham.

ALTHOUGH Basil Fawlty made Torquay famous, he wasn’t the South Devon seaside resort’s most important resident. That distinction goes to someone who lived a very long time ago.

IF ever there was a game that was not reflected by the final score, then our clash with United was it.

'Fawlty Towers' and 'Monty Python' actor John Cleese has been charged with speeding.

John Cleese turned down £200,000 to appear on 'I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!'.

IN her victim impact statement to the court, Cathleen Lawless said Jason Gormley walked away from the crash leaving her alongside her fatally injured husband, trapped in their car with the smell of burning. She feared it would go up in flames.

FOR anyone wondering why Sergio Garcia has decided to take a two-month break from golf after this week’s USPGA Championship, it should become abundantly clear by checking out his latest gift to the world of YouTube.

John Cleese has criticised hotel-room technology after he found it impossible to close a pair of curtains.

Monty Python star John Cleese today revealed that he regarded having a species of lemur named after him as a greater honour than a British knighthood or a peerage.

A POORLY run family business was responsible for one of the most successful television shows of all time, comedian and actor John Cleese revealed last night.

The genius behind some of the best loved British comedy of the past four decades, will be guest speaker at this year’s annual Thomas Crosbie Holdings Ltd (TCH) dinner.

IT’S UNLIKELY that you while away your leisure hours dipping into Benjamin Disraeli’s novels.

JUST a week after the Garda Representative Association (GRA) threatened to remove its members from a station in West Cork, it appears a breakthrough has been made which should resolve the long-running saga.

The hotel that inspired the classic comedy series Fawlty Towers will welcome four of the cast at its million-pound relaunch tomorrow.

PETER KAY’S line in Phoenix Nights — “Garlic bread — it’s the future, I’ve tasted it” — has been named the greatest one-liner in television comedy history.

Phoenix Nights: Brian Potter: “Garlic bread – it’s the future, I’ve tasted it.”

THE GERMAN girl in Frankfurt was a real pro, not even bothering to look me in the eye as she deftly slid a hand down the inside of my thigh.

JOHN Cleese’s comedy career is no more. It has ceased to be.

John Cleese said today he is retiring to write the history of comedy for the younger generation.

The hotel which inspired the TV series Fawlty Towers has gone on sale for more than £1.5m (€2.1m), it emerged today.

Fawlty Towers and Only Fools and Horses today emerged as the clear favourites to win the title of Britain’s best ever sitcom.

SO much for chilling out! I’m afraid your humble scribe let himself down rather badly at The Riverside.

CLASSIC clips of Basil Fawlty whacking his temperamental car with branches and beating long-suffering waiter Manuel with a spoon will soon be seen on mobile phones.

Classic clips of Basil Fawlty whacking his temperamental car with branches and beating long-suffering waiter Manuel with a spoon will soon be seen on mobile phones.

Arsenal 1 Sheffield United 0

PSNI Assistant Chief Constable, Alan McQuillan, has, in what Basil Fawlty might term a statement of the bleeding obvious, admitted that loyalists have been responsible for the majority of serious violence in the North over the summer.

By Liam Mackey

IT SEEMS like we’ve only just wiped the last trace of sushi from our lips and here we’re going again, tracking the boys in green to far off fields.

The widow of the hotel owner who John Cleese claimed inspired him to write Fawlty Towers, has hit back at the 1970s comedy.