Friendly folk, but don’t mention the war

THE GERMAN girl in Frankfurt was a real pro, not even bothering to look me in the eye as she deftly slid a hand down the inside of my thigh.

But it’s alright, mammy, it wasn’t an occasion of sin. This particular fraulein was on security detail outside the England-Paraguay game and only began her thorough check of my person having first politely enquired: “May I now make body control?” Well, put like that, how could I possibly refuse?

Her approach pretty much sums up Germany’s friendly but formal attitude to the hordes of visitors in the country for the World Cup. Some unnecessarily lengthy queuing to gain access to the stadia notwithstanding, we in the media can certainly have few complaints about the pleasant efficiency with which the country has set about hosting the greatest sports show on earth.