With the economy sinking faster than the Titanic, Captain Noonan issued the immortal order: “Women and children first!” — but, sadly, he meant first into the financial firing line, not the economic life boats.

YOU can have an implausibility of gnus, a deceit of lapwings, and a sneak of weasels, but what would the collective noun for a group of ex-Fine Gael leaders be? Ah, yes — a uselessness.

THE hypocrite now crash landing on the runway of cheap publicity is the delayed Leo Varadkar descending from Planet Pompous.

It was a clear case of bye-bye Bertie, hello Troy Boy.

FREE the West Dub One!

SCANNING through some old match programmes earlier this week, Donal McAnallen came across a single-sheet production from 1946.

“WE’RE not rebels, we’re the establishment!” Olivia Mitchell snapped, clearly unhappy at being involved in something so low-rent- sounding as a heave.

TAOISEACH Brian Cowen and his party certainly did not distinguish themselves with the cabinet reshuffle during the week, but the contortions of Leo Varadkar helped to take some of the spotlight off the Government.

FINE GAEL senators have been likened to “turkeys voting for Christmas” after accepting party leader Enda Kenny’s decision to call for the abolition of the Seanad.

POOR old Eamon Gilmore had a torrid time in his conference hotel last night as he first checked into the Master Suite, then transferred hastily to the Wriggle Room before finally being seen dancing wildly in the Backtrack Ballroom.

THIS week Fine Gael has been remembering John A Costello and the 60th anniversary of the Fine Gael-led coalition government that came to power in February 1948.

BERTIE is from Mars, Enda is from Venus.

TWO rivers flowed through Dublin yesterday — the Liffey and Enda Kenny’s human river of samba and expectation.

THE true test of a would-be Taoiseach’s credentials are not his aptitude at leading the country but his ability to lead a conga-line on the dance floor.