Two colours Blue in heave horse-trading

“WE’RE not rebels, we’re the establishment!” Olivia Mitchell snapped, clearly unhappy at being involved in something so low-rent- sounding as a heave.

But the Blueshirts were now desperately hunting in packs, each side eager to pick off any vulnerable waverers they could find along the way.

Throughout the day Richard and his gang would suddenly burst onto the plinth at the front of Leinster House dragging the latest captured show pony in their swirl to parade before the waiting media.

Support appeared to be draining from Enda as first his justice spokesman Charlie Flanagan did a flit to the other side, before he suffered the embarrassment of losing his second finance spokesman in as many days as Kieran O’Donnell crossed over.

The Brutonists denied starting the relentless rumours Enda was readying to fall on his sword, which prompted the Kenny camp to try and regain the initiative by pouring out of the Oireachtas en masse in a 21-person human tailspin, spouting messianic praise for the leader as they did so.

Ironically, the tightening numbers meant Enda’s best hope was to emulate a Bruton, a John Bruton that is rather than a Richard, as John survived a heave by a handful of votes before unexpectedly becoming taoiseach just a few months later.

Both sides bitched the other one was offering each person their choice of jobs, the Brutonists insisting that while Enda was unfit to run the country, they would throw him the bone of representing it abroad as foreign minister.

Poor Enda was even getting pity in the Dáil from Brian Cowen. Things were looking bad. Trouble-making Fianna Fáil backbenchers were attempting to sow doubt amongst those leaning to Bruton by insisting they heard Enda would win “hands down”, knowing that everyone wanted to be on the winning side. Fianna Fáil clearly did not want to see Enda go – no compliment for Kenny.

And to think all this upheaval was triggered by an opinion poll, putting Labour in first place on 32%, that no one at Leinster House – including Labour – actually believes.

The Fine Gaelers used to be particularly brutal when it came to removing their leaders, but that lust for political punch-ups appears to be just another thing they have lost – like the last six general elections in fact.

As with Blueshirt blue blood Ms Mitchell, the party that divides the nation into two broad categories, the unwashed and the PLUs – People Like Us – seems to be holding its nose and finding the whole unpleasant business just a tad beneath it.