Dáil rocked by domestic scandals as cohabitation falters

BERTIE is from Mars, Enda is from Venus.

The relationship between the Taoiseach and the leader of the opposition disintegrated into another public slanging match yesterday.

The two have long since abandoned trying to shield the children, sorry, backbenchers from the ugliness of their exchanges.

“You are unfair!” Mr Ahern wailed, adding he could throw things back at Mr Kenny from their three decades together in the Dáil if he wanted to.

“I find this distressing, actually,” the Fine Gael leader replied, animated by fury, or rather momentarily upset in that way only Mr Kenny can be; hurt by what he saw as yet another evasive answer from the man he felt should imbue trust.

“I have no interest in your private life, or marriage,” Mr Kenny asserted, before bringing up lurid allegations of a secret pre-nuptial agreement he claimed Mr Ahern had signed with those flighty Greens before their shotgun wedding in June.

As the air turned purple with accusations, Mary White stared straight at her Blueshirt accuser, the only Green TD in the chamber refusing to bow her head as some kind of political scarlet woman, while Bertie denied he had a deal to divorce if it was proven he had taken bribes.

However, the Greens would do well to remember, Mr Ahern has something of the night about him when it comes to the vulnerable, petite parties Fianna Fáil draws to its breast with the glittering promises of power.

Dick Spring may have jilted Bertie at the altar in 1994, but Labour is still only half the party is was before its ill-advised two-year cohabitation with FF.

The PDs thought they could tame Bertie, but he left them bewildered and destitute, forcing them into a crowded, humiliating marriage with the innocent young Greens.

It is no wonder mild mannered Mayoman Mr Kenny is so shocked by the Taoiseach’s political promiscuity and the gullibility of his partners.

Mr Ahern stopped short of telling his tormentor: “Quit nagging me about that bleedin’ money, it was just from a few buddies and I gave it all back — let it go! Jaysus!” but such was the tone of his terse replies.

The Taoiseach seemed to think it most praiseworthy of himself to have paid back the money he got from friends while finance minister, though he forgot to note it took him 12 years to do so — and only after the payments provoked a government meltdown.

Strangely, the Taoiseach also failed to mention the miracle of Manchester when businessmen spontaneously forced 160 £50 notes into his hand against his will.

Which makes his threat against Mr Kenny’s past so intriguing: if the Taoiseach can forget the spectacular highlights of his own affairs so easily, the stuff he has on Enda must be dynamite.

Mr Ahern’s worrying history of tangled finances was thrown into sharp relief with the exchequer estimates showing a massive surge in the deficit from €136 million last year to €3.1 billion now — that’s one hell of a dig-out the Government needs to fulfil its election pledges.

Mr Kenny will no doubt nag; he heard it all before, after the 2002 poll. No chance of a reconciliation then. It’s called a break-up because it’s broken.