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Dr Colman Noctor: A mother doesn't have to be a perfect parent, just a 'good enough' one

#Colman Noctor

Parenting columnist Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist

A COMPREHENSIVE SERIES OF ARTICLES ON THIS TOPIC

<p>Play is how children learn to socialise and make friends. These skills cannot be learned from a book. Picture: iStock </p>

parenting

Colman Noctor: Wellbeing in school cannot be taught. It has to be lived

We can teach children about empathy, resilience, and emotional regulation through structured lessons, but if they lack opportunities to apply these skills in real relationships, the learning remains abstract. Wellbeing needs to be practised as well as taught

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Colman Noctor: When mock exams feel all too real for your child

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Colman Noctor: Finding the right words to talk to your child about pornography

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Colman Noctor: Porn is now the first sex educator for children

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Colman Noctor: Growing role of AI chips away at trust and fuels anxiety in children

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Colman Noctor: Teaching children to choose kindness in a 'me first' world

Cute little girl standing in front of kids programming electric toys and robots at robotics classroom

Colman Noctor: Afterschool clubs need to open their doors to all children

Afterschool clubs are not the only effective option — relatives and childminders can also offer warmth and stability. However, when access to enriching opportunities depends on income, we risk entrenching inequality in childhood.

Tue, 02 Dec, 2025

Young mother hugs daughter in pajamas holding her in her arms.

Colman Noctor: Finding moments of comfort and joy this Christmas after experiencing loss

Grief doesn’t pause for Christmas. If anything, the contrast between the festive atmosphere and a young person’s internal reality can make this time of year especially distressing

Tue, 25 Nov, 2025

Young female primary school teacher and schoolboy sitting at a table working one on one, looking down, front view, close up

Colman Noctor: How small shifts in schools can do much to support children with dyspraxia

Dyspraxia is a persistent difficulty with motor co-ordination and it interferes with daily life and cannot be explained by another neurological condition

Tue, 18 Nov, 2025

Students Listening To Female Teacher In Classroom

Colman Noctor: Do secondary school merit points favour girls over boys?

"A 2024 review found that girls receive better classroom grades, despite achieving comparable standardised scores, mainly because teachers value non-cognitive skills — such as organisation, neatness, and cooperation — that girls are socialised to develop."

Tue, 11 Nov, 2025

School boy and his father hiking together and exploring nature with magnifying glass. Little boy and dad spend quality family ti

Colman Noctor: Understanding science starts with moments of wonder, not in our genes

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard parents say, “She’s just not a maths person”. We don’t say, “He’s not a reading person”, yet it’s somehow acceptable to suggest a child’s brain just doesn’t “do numbers”.

Tue, 04 Nov, 2025

School children running together outdoors

Colman Noctor: Do 'brain-rot' chants actually aid cognitive development?

Children spend so much of their lives under the authority of adults (teachers, parents, and caregivers) that they enjoy discovering or inventing phrases that give them a sense of independence.

Tue, 28 Oct, 2025

creative activity

Colman Noctor: Boredom is the playground of developing minds

For younger children, free, unstructured play, often sparked by boredom, creates an environment where they set their own rules, explore, experiment, sometimes fail, and hopefully try again.

Tue, 21 Oct, 2025

Learning Disability Concept

Colman Noctor: Time is of the essence in exams for neurodivergent students

"For a student with dyslexia or dyspraxia, time can be crucial. They may understand the material and have the correct answer in their mind, but struggle to transfer it onto paper before the timer runs out."

Tue, 14 Oct, 2025

Poster trend sketch template 3D photo collage of college knowledge education back to school two young girl chatting smartphone s

Colman Noctor: Why are voluntary smartphone codes not working in all schools?

"A phone offers a parent peace of mind in an uncertain world. However, that argument needs to be balanced against social pressure, safetyism, and an increasing body of research suggesting that early smartphone ownership poses risks to children’s mental health."

Tue, 30 Sep, 2025

Student connecting online using his laptop

Colman Noctor: Sport and study are not opposites but partners in academic success

From 8.50am until 4pm, they are expected to sit at desks, listen, absorb, and produce work. By the time they get home, they’ve already spent six or seven hours in a sedentary mode.

Tue, 23 Sep, 2025

Cute girl using tablet with virtual assistant hologram

Colman Noctor: Raising children in the age of artificial intelligence

With AI, we are not merely competing with entertainment, we are also competing with another type of AI — artificial intimacy

Tue, 16 Sep, 2025

Colman Noctor: What 'The Traitors' can teach us about honesty in the real world

Colman Noctor: What 'The Traitors' can teach us about honesty in the real world

"As entertainment, it’s gripping. As parenting material, it’s complicated. What does it mean when the same adults who insist that honesty is the best policy also cheer when their favourite contestant lies skilfully? How do we reconcile the values we want to instil in our children with the cultural messages we enjoy for leisure?"

Tue, 09 Sep, 2025

Redhead Male on Phone

Colman Noctor: Why many young people do not recognise they have been bullied

Research shows that, while bullying remains a widespread experience for children, many choose not to tell an adult. It’s particularly likely to happen with 13-year-olds, with one in four of them staying silent

Tue, 02 Sep, 2025

Hearing a father's advice

Colman Noctor: Supporting your child during the limbo days between results and CAO offers

For parents, too, these days can be a test of patience and perspective.

Tue, 26 Aug, 2025

Hearing a father's advice

Colman Noctor: Strategies for supporting teens anxious about returning to school

A 2020 study in the Journal of Adolescence found that school-year transitions significantly affect adolescents’ mood and behaviour, especially after long breaks.

Tue, 12 Aug, 2025

Depressed teenager on his phone in the dark.

Colman Noctor: New, strict online age verification will keep Ireland’s children safer

Ireland is among the first EU countries to implement legally-binding age verification

Tue, 29 Jul, 2025

Happy friends with skateboard and roller-skates on the sports ramp playground

Colman Noctor: Should parents allow kids to take more risks from a young age?

By providing developmentally appropriate opportunities for independence, children can build confidence, resilience, decision-making skills, and a sense of responsibility — critical attributes for successful adulthood

Tue, 15 Jul, 2025

Watching movies is a family activity

Colman Noctor: Watching TV with your child can be educational for you both

"Research from the American Academy of Paediatrics (2020) supports joint media engagement with television shows. The researchers found that when parents watch and discuss content with their children, it improves comprehension, critical thinking, and emotional understanding"

Tue, 08 Jul, 2025

Young teenage female using laptop, ai, chatbot assistant

Colman Noctor: Helping young people find meaningful work in the age of AI

"I have observed a lack of direction among young people as they near the end of secondary school. While I recognise that most 18-year- olds are not ‘sure’ about what they want to do with the rest of their lives, there has been a noticeable decline in clarity."

Tue, 01 Jul, 2025

Young mother and teen girl daughter sitting on sofa using laptop planning vacation

Colman Noctor: Digital literacy does not happen by accident

"It is shaped by environment, opportunity, and belief. When children believe their education is preparing them for the future, they become more engaged in their learning."

Tue, 17 Jun, 2025

Close up of young kid using smart phone at night

Colman Noctor: France pulls the plug on underage access to pornography

In a novel move, the law introduces a “double anonymity” mechanism, involving an independent third party overseeing the age verification process.

Tue, 10 Jun, 2025

Tired student trying to study in the night

Colman Noctor: Using a sports psychology game plan to manage exam stress

Students can benefit from setting SMART goals: Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.

Tue, 03 Jun, 2025

Tourist at windmills in Zaanse Schans

Colman Noctor: Learning from the Dutch approach, where teenagers have high life satisfaction

A UNICEF report has revealed that Irish teenagers are among the least satisfied with life in high-income countries

Tue, 27 May, 2025

Teenagers Relaxing at Youth Club

Colman Noctor: Are youth clubs a traditional solution to a modern problem?

Often seen as relics of the past, youth clubs are vital for the social, emotional, and psychological rehabilitation of today's younger generation

Tue, 20 May, 2025

Stressed woman

Colman Noctor: Pressure to be perfect undermines mental health of teen girls

In today’s fast-paced, high-pressure world, raising adolescent girls can feel like walking a tightrope

Tue, 13 May, 2025

Cute cherful dreaming ginger boy standing

Colman Noctor: Not everyone who struggles to focus has ADHD

Instead of only asking what is wrong with individuals, perhaps we should also ask what is wrong with the world they live in

Tue, 29 Apr, 2025

Tired stressed out mother holding her daughter.

Colman Noctor: Parenting is hard, and even harder with mental illness

Contributing to the shame is how society increasingly idealises parenthood, often equating good parenting with unshakable emotional stability

Tue, 22 Apr, 2025

Walking Together From Class to Class

Colman Noctor: Interplay of politics and personality decides a teen’s popularity status

I remain hopeful that despite living in a world that is becoming more obsessed with image, power, and status, likeability remains the quiet power that never goes out of style

Tue, 15 Apr, 2025

Tired girl sleeping at her desk

Colman Noctor: Student burnout is not limited to exam years

Why is this time of year particularly challenging for so many young people?

Tue, 08 Apr, 2025

Portrait of a young man 19 years old

Colman Noctor: Love is not enough when raising teenagers

The Netflix series Adolescence reminds us that love must be accompanied by presence, awareness, and action.

Tue, 01 Apr, 2025

Portrait of British secondary schoolboy taking exam

Colman Noctor: We need to bridge the post-school gap for children with additional needs

Study finds we still have some distance to go before we can effectively support young people with additional needs in their post-school pathways

Tue, 25 Mar, 2025

Playing on the Climbing Frame

Colman Noctor: Pandemic leaves its mark on children's development

Lockdowns disrupted many aspects of early childhood

Tue, 18 Mar, 2025

Hearing a father's advice

Colman Noctor: How to offer support to your teenager without piling on the pressure

Communicating with teenagers is challenging, but slight shifts in approach can make a big difference

Tue, 11 Mar, 2025

Depressed teenager sitting lonely

Colman Noctor: Lessons must be learned about school avoidance

"Prolonged periods away from structured school environments made reintegrating difficult for some children. Younger students, particularly, missed out on critical early social experiences, making school feel unfamiliar and intimidating."

Tue, 04 Mar, 2025

Teen guy showing new video on cellphone to friends

Colman Noctor: We need to reboot our approach to internet safety

Many programmes focus on teaching young people how to use technology safely, but they should also demonstrate how technology uses them.

Tue, 18 Feb, 2025

Mother and daughter at home

Colman Noctor: Parenting a highly sensitive child brings its own rewards

Sensitive children often reflect on existential issues beyond their chronological age. They are usually ‘deep thinkers’ prone to overanalysing feelings and experiences. But this is not always a cause for worry. Sensitive children can be incredibly thoughtful and insightful, making them ferociously loyal friends and strong allies to have in your corner

Tue, 11 Feb, 2025

happy friends smiling, sitting and taking selfie with smartphone

Colman Noctor: Fact-checking three common myths about teenagers

Stop blaming teens, and fact-check the stereotypes instead

Tue, 04 Feb, 2025

Colman Noctor: I’ve yet to meet a nine-year-old who can safely manage their online life

Colman Noctor: I’ve yet to meet a nine-year-old who can safely manage their online life

We know that those who have grown up in a time when smartphone usage is a generation that sleeps less, socialise less and worries more than any previous generation

Tue, 28 Jan, 2025

Mother gave her son a consoling pat on the back

Colman Noctor: How to negotiate house rules with your young adult child

Parents of adult children who are living at home often find themselves in a difficult position

Tue, 21 Jan, 2025

Rear View Of Mother And Daughter Walking On Road Against Sky

Colman Noctor: Children need shepherds, not engineers

Rather than micro-managing their lives or spreading ourselves too thin to enable them to participate in every extracurricular activity possible, we need to take a back seat, let them develop at their own pace, and be there for them when they need us

Tue, 14 Jan, 2025

Beautiful young woman and charming little girl are looking at camera and smiling while lying on yoga mat in fitness hall

Colman Noctor: Shielding children from the culture of New Years' Resolutions

"While wanting to improve our lifestyle and choices is inherently good, it should not be a feature of childhood. That time of life should not be burdened with such adult-type pressures."

Tue, 07 Jan, 2025

man using smartphone with social media application icons

Colman Noctor: Contactless relationships do not add up for young people

"We are witnessing the first generation who have not grown up on the street, road, or green, and the social and emotional consequences are becoming apparent."

Tue, 31 Dec, 2024

Photo of adorable cheerful girl toothy smile hold use telephone newyear magic atmosphere house indoors

Colman Noctor: Smartphones disconnect parents from their children

Smart technology can seriously undermine your relationship with your child

Tue, 24 Dec, 2024

Multi Generation Family Running On Winter Beach

Colman Noctor: Building bridges with extended family paves the way for confident children

Extended family paves the way for confident children

Tue, 17 Dec, 2024