Dear Dáithí: I gasped when my sister told me their baby name... it's awful

I think my sister and her husband are making a mistake. Should I tell her how I really feel about the name and risk really hurting her feelings? Or do I say nothing?

'The main thing here is that the baby lands safely and that mom will be up and about soon after and whatever name is bestowed upon the child.'

Dear Dáithí,

My sister is due a baby in August — she and her husband know the gender, but have decided to largely keep it to themselves until baby arrives.

We’re really close and my sister has confided in me they are having a girl. She has picked up lots of gorgeous outfits and was keen to show me the personalised onesie she chose for the baby’s first outfit. I literally gasped when she showed me.

The thing is, I think the name she and her husband have picked is awful. She picked up on my reaction and thought I hated the outfit. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I hated the name, so just said I was surprised by it and it was very unusual.

Now, she admitted she and her husband were struggling on names, and had settled on this name, but it wouldn’t be her favourite or his.

I think they are making a mistake. Should I tell her how I really feel about the name and risk really hurting her feelings? Or do I say nothing?

I honestly think if they go with this name, they’ll be looking at changing it down the line.

Well, first of all, congratulations to your sister and the whole family really. This is a great and a very exciting time for all.

When I hear of people finding out the gender of a child before the child is born, it always brings me back to when my own fella was on the way. We were asked if we wanted to know; the answer was a NO from both of us.

That was our decision, and there is no right answer to that question, only personal preference, and that’s the way it should be. Now, the main reason why I didn’t want to know was because I wanted to be surprised. I knew it was either one or the other. 

When he came out, the whole conversation about ‘who thought it was a boy’ started and everyone of course guessed correctly! Eye rolling to heaven here, but that is all part of the fun. I even loved the phone calls to say it was a boy.

Before we get into your ‘dilemma’, it’s fair to say, and I’ve said it before, if you ever want to ruin your plans, tell someone about them.

People usually tell others about what’s happening or coming down the road so that person will agree with them and it’s like a security blanket for them for when the thing comes around.

I’m sure you were one of the first to know when she was pregnant, and that was a special thing to be part of, but this is a bit different as she might have wanted the thumbs up from you about the name and here we are discussing that you have a problem with it.

The whole thing that her and her husband were struggling with names might have been a red herring and a toe in the water to see what your reaction would be. I don’t know this for sure, but it might be the case.

I do think, and I might be wrong, that parents usually give a long time, even before a child is on the way, thinking about baby names, so in one way I’m not buying it. Anyway, maybe she should have kept this part to herself, but on the other hand she did ask for your opinion.

The big problem I, and the readers of this, have at the moment is that you didn’t tell us what this 'awful’ name is. Like, to be honest, this might be just an awful name to you and we might think differently, but you are the person who wrote in and therefore I must help you.

Here’s what you do: Go back to your sister and tell her you have been really thinking about this baby name, and also that you’ve been thinking about how hard it was for her and her husband to pick the right one. Tell her you think they should take all the names off the table until they see the baby in front of them.

Any parent will tell you when you first clap eyes on your baby, you’ll know straight away if it’s a John or Joan, and more so if it’s not a certain name.

Now, from the moment the child is named, no matter what the name is, you have to bite your tongue if you don’t like it. I feel like if you don’t sort this out in your own head, you might have a subconscious dislike for this child down the road because of this name, and that would be totally on you and nothing to do with this child that isn’t even born yet.

All that said, if this happened to me and I thought this new baby’s name was weird, I would just let it go. This is going to be a very special time for your sister and her husband, and you don’t want to take anything away from them.

A name is very personal to the people who give a child their name. You are worried they will hate the name down the road and will change it and if that’s the case, that’s fine too. That is not your problem: let them jump that ditch when, and if, it comes.

The main thing here is that the baby lands safely and that mom will be up and about soon after and whatever name is bestowed upon the child, let everyone be happy.

It has nothing to do with anyone outside the mom and dad, and they will need all the help going for the coming weeks and months, so be there to help them and not be coming in the way.

Sorry if I didn’t take your side on this one, I can only tell you what I’m feeling and the thing I’m feeling most is to stay out of it!