Dear Dáithí: My mother-in-law comments on every post — should I block her on my socials?

I’ve thought about changing my post settings, so she won’t see them or maybe just blocking her from the page. File picture

Dear Dáithí,

Would it be awful if I blocked my mother-in-law from seeing my posts on social media?

I’m fairly active on a few platforms and would post a fair bit from sport and nights out. It’s all relatively mundane and not like I have a wild social life or anything.

They’re the kind of posts that might get a few laughs or likes, but aren’t necessarily ones that you’d expect anyone to respond to in any meaningful way.

Anytime I do post anything, my mother-in-law is the first to comment and would often have questions about where I am or who I was with. Even the most mundane posts have become fodder for conversation at family events. It’s not that I have any issue with her seeing the posts — there’s nothing concerning or anything about them — it’s just I feel like a teenager having to be answerable about my decisions and choices.

I’ve thought about changing my post settings, so she won’t see them or maybe just blocking her from the page (and if it ever comes up saying I must have changed a setting accidentally).

I also know that might be awful and come across that I don’t like her or I have something to hide, which isn’t the case.

What do I do?

That is the question, what do you do?

Well, I can see both sides in all of this and can say for certain that none of you are doing anything wrong really.

I think if we can get a real understanding of both sides, we might be able to see things a little clearer.

To be honest, you do need a really good reason to block someone on social media, and with the person in question here being your mother-in-law, we need to be extra careful!

The reality here is that what you post on social media is mild and doesn’t send any flares up in the air, and nobody is concerned about them. You love doing this, and it sounds like it’s important to you to do this too. I like this type of content as opposed to people putting up all crazy stuff like they live like this.

When people like, laugh, and comment at your posts, I’d say they might bring a smile to your face and that’s exactly what that is supposed to do. Until it’s your mother-in-law and she starts asking questions and you feel like a child again.

The best thing about social media posts and comments is that they should stay on social media, but your mother-in-law might not realise this, and so she launches into posts at a family dinner. I can see how this is a pain, and sometimes when you have to explain everything, it can feel like a public execution.

This is where your partner comes in, they should explain that she doesn’t have to comment every time you post. They should start by saying something like: ‘I see you’re always commenting on posts and chatting about them, what is that about’ and see what the answer is. It will tell you a lot. They can also remind her that others can see her posts too. We all need to be reminded of this one.

Let your partner know how it makes you feel, and when this is explained to your mother-in-law, I think she will have the cop on to change course.

I think if you bring this up to her directly, it might cause a rift between you both, and that’s why you need a buffer here. 

To be honest, your other half should have copped this before now. Anyway, here we are!

Now on the other side of this, what if all of this is about your mother-in-law trying to be part of the gang? Maybe this is her trying to be part of your online life and it’s her showing an interest in you. People from an older generation sometimes feel like outsiders in their own home and families because they might not be up to speed with technology.

So, we need to find out if this might be the reason for her comments. Like, her comments aren’t bad or nasty, it’s just you who feels like you’re being watched, and that might not be the case.

I don’t think you can go down the road of changing post settings, and certainly not blocking her. Lord Jesus, if she ever found out you did that, there would be no coming back from that one...Not even saying you did it accidentally or you would be acting like a teenager!

The bigger picture in all of this, and you should not forget it, is that you get on with her and like her and this is in real life and maybe you should try and like her on social media or at least come half way. I think if you both meet in the middle here it will be sorted.

You feel like you’re answerable to her, no, you are not. You’re a grown adult. You make your own decisions, and that’s it, and if she doesn’t like it, that’s just too bad, as you said you are doing nothing wrong.

Now, I do think you should leave a lot of what she says go over your head, but hopefully there won’t be as much of them after your partner’s chat.

So, back to your first question, would it be awful to block your mother-in-law? The answer is a definite yes, but you do need to find out why she is commenting. 

If she is trying to be part of the gang, you need to see that for what it is.