Dear Dáithí: How early can I leave a friend's wedding? 

My friends were shocked and said it would be rude when I made moves to leave a reception at 10pm and persuaded me to stay on and I was wrecked the following day

'It’s totally up to you what time you leave, and here’s the thing; you don’t have to tell anyone, not a single soul!'

Dear Dáíthí,

What’s the earliest acceptable time to leave a wedding reception? I have a few weddings coming up over the next few months and I’m really looking forward to them. I always make sure I attend the ceremony (I know some people skip that), enjoy the meal, and sure, who doesn’t love a good wedding band and the craic?

I was at a wedding recently and when I made moves to leave at 10pm, my friends were shocked. They persuaded me I had to stay longer and said it would be rude to leave that early. I stuck around until midnight in the end, and snuck out when I got the chance, but I was wrecked the following day. 

I love my sleep, and given that a lot of weddings are two if not three-day affairs, is it not reasonable to head off around 10pm-11pm? You’d be up at the crack of dawn to get ready, and it’s a long day.

Also, is it bad form if I slip out without saying goodbye to people and thanking the bride and groom?

A great question and a good and direct answer needed here. If you read my piece a few weeks ago you’d know that I’m well beyond going to weddings unless they are a close family member or a very, very close friend. 

That is where I draw the line and I don’t make apologies for it, but when I was in my wedding prime, I was like you and would come to a point and say, ‘that’s it, I’m going to bed’!

You are in this prime and I think you have a great attitude towards the whole thing; you are looking forward to going to all of them and just want to make sure you totally enjoy every bit of them, even when it comes to your sleep time. 

You are probably the only person I have come across that will want to factor sleep into your wedding weekend and the more I think about it, it’s genius! No wonder people are always wrecked on day three of a wedding; they might not have slept for days. I can see future brides and grooms reading this and scheduling some rest time into the whole thing.

People always think and always say the day is all about the bride and groom. Well, that’s a load of crap. The day is about yourself, really, they can sit you with others at a table and all of that, and you have to be at a certain place at a certain time, but that’s it. Who you hang out with and have the craic with is all up to you.

Now you are asking when you can leave... to be fair, you can’t go in the middle of the speeches, that’s a given. But, outside of that and a chat with the happy couple, you don’t have to meet them again for the day, you certainly don’t have to go up to them at 10pm and say ‘goodbye’.

They are very busy anyway on the day, and if I’m honest, they won’t remember how many times you spoke to them, going on my own experience anyway. Once you are smiling and laughing every time they do see you, they’ll be happy!

The thing is you are going to the ceremony, and that counts for a lot in their eyes. You mentioned how some people skip this part. I always liked it. Now if the Mass was going on too long, I’d be reaching for the hip flask, but thankfully that only happened once, and no, not on my own big day! 

This is where the true friends turn up; they always want to be there for these special moments, and most of them happen at that point and not at 4am when everyone is pissed... another reason not to be too worried about heading to bed early.

I don’t know why your friends have an issue with you going to bed at 10pm or 11pm. If it was 8pm, I’d be saying you need to toughen up a bit, but 10pm or 11pm sounds good to me. You’ve the hard work done; you’ve been at the ceremony, taken the photos, seen the first dance, chatted to the bride and groom, and all the people you want to chat to, you’ve all the boxes ticked. 

After all of that, it’s totally up to you what time you leave, and here’s the thing; you don’t have to tell anyone, not a single soul! I’ve always said it, if you want to ruin your plans, let other people know about them. So, say nothing and up to bed with you. The truth about your friends is the second you’ve decided you’re gone; they too are gone onto the next thing.

One of the best things about going to bed at that time of the night of a wedding is that you, and very few others, will be up early in the morning, and you’ll have the place to yourself.

Weddings are usually in a town you might not have been in before or not in a long time and it’s a great opportunity to have a good look around. This probably wouldn’t happen if you’re out late, going on my own experience again.

The bride and groom would be delighted with this that you took the time to check the place out.

I know a lot of you reading this might be surprised with that advice and if I were writing this 10 years ago, my advice might be different.

I think it’s important to be polite and respectful to people and you’ll have done that with the bride and groom, but you always need to please yourself and come away from all the weddings saying you had a ball of a time, and are well-rested!

You have a great attitude towards all of this, and fair play to you, not everyone would think like this.