Dear Dáithí: My teenage son wants to go to Greece for a post-Leaving Cert lads' holiday, and it worries me sick

My husband believes it’s a rite of passage, but I'm thinking of flying out there to stay nearby in case he needs me

'I worry that when you add drink and trying to keep up with a gang of friends, he'll end up getting himself into bother or getting some wild tattoo or something.'

De ar Dáithí,

My eldest has just finished school and is mad to go on a Leaving Cert holiday with all his pals.

A gang of about 10 of them have booked a week in Greece, and he is trying desperately to convince us to fund him going out there too.

There are a few reasons why I don’t want him to go, but my husband thinks we should encourage the trip and says it’s a rite of passage for many.

My son worked part-time last summer, but stopped working in sixth year to focus on his studies. He hasn’t got a job yet this summer, so if he does go, it will be the Bank of Mum and Dad paying for it.

Not only do I not want to pay for the trip, but I’m awfully worried about the idea of him going. He’s the youngest of his group of friends and has not yet turned 18. He isn’t even old enough to have a pint in the pub here yet, and the idea of him on booze cruises and pub crawls in a whole other country just fills me with dread.

He’s a good young fella and has his head fairly screwed on, most of the time. But I worry that when you add drink and trying to keep up with a gang of friends, he’ll end up getting himself into bother or getting some wild tattoo or something.

If we don’t fund it, he simply won’t be able to go, and I’ve thought about just telling him we don’t have the money to send him... but the truth is we could.

I wonder if my husband is right and we should just leave him off and hope for the best? I’ve even thought about letting him go, but flying out to Greece myself and staying in a nearby resort in case he needs me.

What should I do?

I don’t want to sound like an old man, but the young crowd today have it good. Now, when you are that young fella, that is the last thing you want to hear.

A Leaving Cert party in Greece does sound great, I have to say, and it’s hard to compare that to drinking a few cans in a field in Dún Chaoin in 1994 overlooking the Blaskets, even though we had the time of our lives.

Things are different these days, and I’m not sure when things changed this much, maybe around the time of the Celtic Tiger — and it took a dip in the bad years and made a miraculous return after — but all you hear now is people heading to the sun when the exams are done.

Now, is this a good or bad idea for them? I don’t buy into the rite of passage crap anyway, that’s only a makey-uppy thing that gets thrown around, and people seem to go with it as a legit reason, not me.

But yes, they should go and do it, but here’s the thing — if they can afford it — and I’m not so sure Mom and Dad should be happy to pay without getting something in return!

So, your son worked part-time and gave it up for the exam year — probably a good idea. So, he knows how to work, this is great information to have if you decide to fund this trip, because under no circumstances should he get a free trip from you.

Yes, he worked hard for a few months with the Leaving Cert, but so did you and your husband. People make out the whole world should revolve around these exams, but it doesn’t, and now they are done, it’s a good time to remind people of that.

If you do decide to fund this, and maybe you really feel he deserves it, then you need to think about what you will get back when he returns, or what jobs around the house need to be done.

If you could get them done before he goes, that would be even better, but make that agreement first before you do anything else.

One of the reasons for this is when the college trip comes around next year, you will be having the same conversation, and if he sees a weakness, he will go for it. I know because I was that soldier!

The other thing you could do is bring him into the local credit union and let him take out a small loan with your name on it — what a life lesson that would be for him.

It would also give him a sense of responsibility when it comes to money. He might even value the trip more when he sees what goes into paying for a holiday.

I still have never put a holiday on my credit card, I go and work and save the money — I’ve always been like that — and because I’ve worked hard for it, that holiday is even better.

Now, if you really don’t want him to go and you are really worried about him and what he’ll get up to, tell him you can’t afford it. Sometimes, this is just life, and you have to move on. I don’t think you’re being cruel if you go down this road.

This is a very straightforward way out of the situation, and one that he hopefully buy into and understand.

I do feel like this trip will happen, and the reason why I say this is: You say his head is well screwed on most of the time, and as a parent, that is all we can ask of our children. We know them well and they have also learned everything from us, and we need to have faith in that.

I also know part of you sees him as the little baby he once was, and the reality is that that baby is well gone and you’ve a young man ready to spread his wings, and you should let him fly!

There is no way in this world you should go anywhere near Greece while he is on this trip. You need to put that straight out of your head.

I know this is a big deal for you, and your husband is more laidback about it, but you can’t go.

Look, keep an eye on social media when he’s there, but please don’t get obsessed with every picture that is posted; you’ll drive yourself mad — and your husband.

The bottom line here is you have reared a good, decent young fella who knows right from wrong, and knows that if he did anything wrong, there would be consequences, and that’s enough!