Joanna Fortune: My young children are struggling with the demanding online course I've taken on

My nine-year-old daughter says I’m busy all the time. I want to be a good parent, but I also need to think of my future career

It may well be worth sitting with your nine-year-old, telling her that you are doing online school and have to study and do your homework, just like she does. Picture: iStock

I’m a single parent of two and trying to get ahead at work. I recently started an online post-grad course that is taking up a lot of my spare time. Last weekend, my nine-year-old daughter begged me to stop, saying I’m busy all the time. I feel I’m between a rock and a hard place. I want to be a good parent, but I also need to think of my future career.

You are thinking not only about your future career but also about your children’s future and how you can provide for their needs as they continue to grow and develop. You didn’t just stumble into this course; you considered it deeply, the workload and commitment, and yes, the sacrifices it brought with it. 

Your children do not know or understand all of this, what they see is that you are busy and distracted and they are getting less of you right now and they are having a hard time with that.

It may well be worth sitting with your nine-year-old, telling her that you are doing online school and have to study and do your homework, just like she does. Moving the reference away from work and more towards school will help make what you are doing more relatable for your children.

Beyond this, don’t try to convince her that you are doing the right thing long-term. This is not how children think. You need to accept and empathise with her experience.

“I’m really busy with my school work, and that means I don’t have as much time for doing fun things together right now. That’s really hard for you, I understand that.”

Make a plan with her, “When I am finished here or when the clock reads 4pm, I will stop my study, and we will play, bake, or go outside”. Then be reliable and consistent in your follow-through.

Taking breaks from your coursework is also in your interest, so sit with your children and tell them that they can help you take a play-break from your study. 

A play break can be 15 minutes of uninterrupted fun together, after which you will return to study. You can take a play-break like this every couple of hours.

You may not have much time, but you can do a lot within the time you have. This requires structure and planning. Taking play breaks, for example, is a simple but effective way to build quality, playful time together into any schedule. 

As best you can, keep family time together simple. In this way, you are more likely to keep it consistent and fun, and that is what matters most. It should not feel like a chore or yet another thing you have to fit into your schedule.

Here are some ideas to try out:

• Assign a jigsaw puzzle: A (challenging but fun) jigsaw is a great way for you all to spend time together, so that the children can do some work on it while you are working too, and surprise you with the progress;
• Play tag: This ensures you also get some movement during your breaks, which is good for you. Take turns with who is ‘on’ and who is being chased/caught. When you catch them, draw them into an embrace;
• Arts and crafts: Check out the videos on my Instagram page @drjoannafortune for quick, connection-focused arts and crafts play ideas. These could be ideal for your breaks.

Keep in mind that as long as it feels like a fun connection for you and your family, it works.

If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]