Joanna Fortune: My children are struggling to adjust to creche routine

I suggest that you arrange a meeting with the creche and hear their observations regarding what is and is not working for your children at the moment. Picture: iStock

After years spent working abroad, my husband and I decided to return home to Ireland last summer so we could be near family and friends. While we were both lucky to get jobs, we can no longer afford a live-in childminder, so our two young children are in a creche. They are finding the adjustment difficult, from the strict daily routine to the food. It’s deeply upsetting to see them both in tears every morning. What would you suggest?

It sounds like your children have been attending their creche for several months now. I would expect a transitional period as they adjust to so much newness but I would also expect them to settle within a few months and adapt to the new routine.

I suggest that you arrange a meeting with the creche and hear their observations regarding what is and is not working for your children at the moment. They are professionals who have supported countless children through this transition, so they may well have some insights and suggestions that could make this easier.

Aside from this, I’m wondering if their struggle is bigger than the creche alone. You have moved ‘home’ but they had not known Ireland as their home, so they may feel are now living ‘abroad’. 

Think back on what it was like for you when you first moved abroad. New country, new sounds, new smells, new tastes, new people, new accents, new culture. There was, undoubtedly, a period of adjustment for you too. 

Your children are still adjusting to a significant cultural upheaval, which may make the transition to their new group care environment even more challenging.

I’m curious as to how you and your husband are adjusting to being back home. You have had to take new jobs and set up home after a number of years abroad. You have had to arrange new childcare, which doesn’t sound like your preferred choice for your children. 

Are you happy with the creche arrangement that you have in place for them? I’m not at all implying that it’s your fault but be aware that our children are highly attuned to our emotional states. 

Even when we say the right thing with a smile, children can tell if we don’t truly feel it. This disconnect can, in turn, influence how they feel in a situation.

Perhaps take some time to reflect on your feelings and do so with compassion and kindness towards yourself, as you are also in a period of adjustment.

It could be lovely for them to spend time remembering the place you all left, and to share stories and look at photos. While doing this, share stories about your childhood growing up in Ireland, name the people in your families who they now see. 

I find that connection is the smoothest route to dealing with an emotional issue, and the best way to strengthen connection is to play together. Ensure there’s playtime as a family each day, even 15 minutes a day on those busy work days when there are no other distractions but playtime together.

Sing songs on the way to the creche or have a playlist for the car journey. Play games in the car (I spy, count the red cars, etc). 

Talk about who is with them when you are at work, name their carers as special people, and ask them what game they would like to play when you are all back together. 

Give this major transition more time, while acknowledging that this is a difficult change — for you all.

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]