How to move on from workplace rejections like a missed promotion or job application

Being turned down for a job application or work promotion can dent your confidence, but there are practical steps you  can take to bounce back 

We are all likely to be rejected at some point in our careers.

Imagine how it would feel to apply for 60 or so jobs, be interviewed for a handful, and then be offered a grand total of zero. Ashling Delaney from Johnstown in Kilkenny doesn’t have to imagine as she went through this experience last year.

“I had a job at the time, but I’d gone as far as I could in it,” says the 49-year-old. “I wanted something more challenging. I must have applied for 60 odd jobs and got as far as the second or third round in several interviews, but but I didn’t get offered any of them. It was so disheartening. I started to think it was an age thing and that I’d have no option but to remain where I was for the rest of my life.”

We are all likely to be rejected at some point in our careers. Like Delaney, we may not be called to interview for positions we apply for or may not make it past the first or second round of the selection process. We might put ourselves forward for promotion only to see someone else chosen.

Ashling Delaney at SCL, Shannon, Co Clare. Picture : Eamon Ward

Organisational psychologist Niamh Gaffney is the founder of www.directionality.ie, which supports people in overcoming personal and professional challenges to reach their goals. She explains how such knockbacks can trigger negative emotions.

“Humans want to be accepted and feel a sense of belonging,” she says. “Being rejected in any way can undermine that and cause us to feel self-doubt, anxiety and worthless. It’s as if we’re being pushed out of the group and for many, that’s our worst fear.”

Some react so badly to rejection that they decide never to risk it again. “They stay in jobs even when unhappy,” says Gaffney. “They don’t ask for a raise or speak up in meetings. They keep themselves small and don’t take a chance, all because they fear rejection.”

Full esteem ahead

Ray McKiernan

Ray McKiernan is a director and training consultant with the Stress Management Institute of Ireland and the founder of Resilience International, which designs and delivers skills development programmes for organisations.

He believes resilience helps us to deal with rejection: “When your resilience is low, it’s harder to bounce back and try again. But resilience is a capacity: we can learn how to increase it.”

One of the most effective things we can do is remind ourselves that not being selected for a job doesn’t define our value as a person or as a professional — something McKiernan acknowledges isn’t always easy.

“If you’re applying for a job, you’re probably not happy with the job you have or you may even have lost it, so you’re already vulnerable,” he says. “That’s the worst possible time to experience rejection. But it’s vital you tell yourself that your application was rejected, not you.”

This is especially true now that organisations increasingly use algorithms to exclude candidates based on the words used in their CVs. “That could explain why you’re not being called to interview and it’s definitely not a personal reflection on you,” he says.

McKiernan also advises employees not to rely on work as their only source of self-esteem. 

“If anything negatively impacts your work, if you get ill, have to take time off or lose your job, then your self-esteem will be affected,” he says. “Work is an easy place to get esteem when it’s going well but that esteem is quickly lost if things go badly.”

He recommends building a portfolio of other resources. “It could be relationships with family and friends, being involved with social or voluntary groups and organisations, even exercising,” he says. “Anything that gives you a sense of purpose and meaning will bolster your resilience.”

While building resilience is vital for maintaining equilibrium, Gaffney argues that it’s just as crucial to allow yourself time to process the negative experiences that batter your confidence. “Being rejected is painful and we should acknowledge that,” she says.

Doing so will allow us to move on and learn from rejection. “It’s all part of developing a growth mindset,” says Gaffney. “This is when we try to learn from our experiences, both good and bad.”

Developing a growth mindset starts with self-reflection. 

“We need to ask ourselves why being rejected caused us such pain,” says Gaffney. “Was it because the job was one we really wanted? Or was it down to a mistake we made during the interview process? It could be any number of things, but if we can learn from our experiences of rejection, we can see those experiences as stepping stones to improvement rather than as blocks in our way.”

Constructive debrief

Niamh Gaffney

Asking the interview panel for feedback can accelerate this learning curve. Gaffney once did this herself.

“Years ago, I applied for a job that I thought was made for me and was so upset when I didn’t get it,” she says. 

“I summoned the courage to ask why and was told that I’d appeared meek in the interview, and they wanted someone more robust. That was huge information for me. Being meek isn’t part of my personality but as a woman, I’d been brought up to think it was best to come across that way. Immediately after that feedback, I changed tactics and did my best to seem confident and competent.”

We can do other practical things to bounce back from professional rejection. “Spend time investing in yourself,” says McKiernan. “Do some courses. Upskill in new technologies. Talk to people and get support. Start exercising more. If nothing else, it will make you feel better, which will boost your confidence walking into any interview situation.”

Another strategy that should boost your confidence is listing all your accomplishments and contributions to the workplace. “Think of all the things you do or have done, including things that come easily to you,” says Gaffney.

 We often downplay our skills or competencies, assuming they are obvious, but they are not. You have to spell them out. 

"You have to explain how good you are. You have to convince yourself that you’re the right person for the job if you hope to have any chance of convincing an interview panel.”

She suggests a constructive debrief for those who feel down in the immediate aftermath of a disappointing interview. “Humans are hardwired to pay more attention to the negative than the positive,” she says. 

“After an interview, you’ll be kicking yourself for what didn’t go well. Instead, I suggest asking yourself to identify three things that did go well and three things you did better than you had previously. You’ll notice that you’re making progress, which should give you the motivation you need to put yourself forward and try again.”

Delaney employed some of these tactics when she had her crisis of confidence last year. “I’m a member of Network Ireland, and I talked to people there about how I was struggling,” she says. “Their support was crucial. I also did some courses to update my qualifications and used LinkedIn to raise my professional profile.”

Ultimately, her job search ended when she was headhunted for her current role as a recruitment, learning and development manager with SCL Sales. “It’s a much better fit for me than my old job,” she says.

Her advice to others is to persevere. “There were times when I considered giving up because my confidence was so shattered,” she says. “But we spend so much of our time at work. It should be a place where we can be happy.”