My cousin is a priest, his Tinder account has been on fire since that show Fleabag came on TV. I said, do they have to kneel after the Holy, Holy, Holy? He says who cares as long as they put a tenner in the box during the Gimme, Gimme, Gimme. #RoofNeedsFixing #Again
Yes. (I Was Only Joking.) My friend is a style consultant although you wouldn’t know it by looking at her. I said, where is the best place to get a tartan suit? She said why? I said for Rod Stewart. She said but Rod is about as Scottish as a generous person with a nice set of teeth. #BitRacist
You’d want to get that seen to. My Posh Cousin has a new podcast to help Posh Cork make conversation across the social divide, it’s called Having the Chats With the Norries in The Flats. The latest episode is a belter, called Just Nod and Smile While They Talk About Their Favourite Pub in Torremolinos. #RintyMcGintys #TheyShowTheHurlingandEverything
If only I could. My friend runs a dating agency for divorced women called You Couldn’t Be That Unlucky Again Babes. I said, how does it work? She said, I send them on a date with a very suitable man, who waits one drink before asking if they’re wearing any knickers. (You should see the male clients she rejects.)
Terrifying. My neighbour is a wedding planner because some people can’t do anything for themselves. I said, is it unusual for the groom to wear a Liverpool jersey at a Norry wedding? He said very unusual, it’s normally the tracksuit.