John and Edward Grimes: Can’t sing. Can they govern?

X Factor has Grimes twins — we have Brians Grim

AND so to the Dáil, where life was once again imitating art — or rather a lifeless front bench was imitating The X Factor.

Even non-fans of the show will be all too aware of the Irish Grimes twins who have dominated the programme so far.

John and Edward sport an incredible level of over confidence in their stunningly limited abilities, seem to be deeply despised by the public, yet refuse to do the decent thing and just go.

The Dáil’s equivalent special twosome would be Brian and Brian, the twin architects of our collapsing economic powerhouse, whose song of continual doom is even more grating and irksome than the X Factor pair.

John and Edward are so spectacularly awful they now seem to have transcended cultural norms and are being kept in the game because they have reached such a level of magnetic terribleness they have become compulsively entertaining, in a twisted sort of a way.

Even the winsome Cheryl Cole has become visibly irritated by them, to the point where she infuriated the delusional duo by telling them bluntly: “You can’t sing. Fact.”

We now know Eamon Gilmore — our own self-made national treasure — can no longer hide his burning ambition to be Ireland’s answer to Cheryl when he declares to the two Brians during his judging comments in Leader’s Questions: “You can’t add up. Fact.”

But are we missing the deeper satirical significance of John and Edward? They may well have a future career tapping into the political zeitgeist back home, as their unique take on Britney Spears, while sporting garish red leather outfits last week, could easily have been read as some sort of thinly veiled critique of our own dear Tánaiste, Mary Coughlan.

Surely, “Oops... I Did It Again” has been the gaffe-tastic minister’s theme song as she fumbles on through the Fás farce?

Perhaps gimmick-happy Fine Gael will snap the pair up for its usual electoral wheeze of compensating for a lack of memorable policies by putting up “celebrity” candidates.

Who could forget the car crash candidature of Meath GAA star Graham Geraghty when he became a Blueshirt to contest his home patch at the last general election? Asked why he had decided to become a Fine Gael TD, his inspirational reply was: “Why not?” — as if he was choosing between Pepsi and Coke (though given the non-existent ideological difference between FG and FF, perhaps he thought he was).

But back in the Dáil, the chamber was still subdued from the drama of last week’s shock episode when John O’Donoghue was voted off Xpenses Factor after a very wobbly performance.

Enda Kenny tried to liven things up by telling TDs about his weekend in The Hague (he carried his own suitcase from the train to the hotel, he breathlessly announced. Bless him).

In many ways Enda is to the Dáil what Danni Minogue is to The X Factor. Danni appeared from nowhere to grab public attention while big sister Kylie was looking the other way, and despite possessing the most modest amount of talent, feels she can criticise others. Enda snatched the FG top job when all rivals were blown away in the 2002 Blueshirt bloodbath, and despite only rising to the dizzy heights of tourism minister for about 10 minutes in the 1990s, believes he knows how to run a country.

But where is the Simon Cowell-esque, grumpy puppet master figure of Irish politics?

Step forward one Colm McCarthy, who insists he knows best and the savage €5.3 billion worth of cuts in his Bord Snip report is the only show in town.

Just like the Fianna Fáil/Green Coalition, John and Edward Grimes are clinging onto their current position by their fingertips.

The twins will be lucky to survive to The X Factor final in December. And Brian and Brian — the Grim Twins — will be even luckier to survive past the budget fallout the same month.