Once again, Edward Woodward wasn’t at Old Trafford to watch United on Saturday and, to be fair, you couldn’t blame him. Who would watch this tedious team out of choice, after all?

LET’S start by reminding ourselves of yesterday’s obvious prematch golden oldie: “That pitch looks so awful, it could be a real leveller; it might give United a chance”.

IT said it all about the predicament in which Manchester United find themselves that their 2-0 defeat to Burnley at Old Trafford on Wednesday night felt like a huge deal for the visitors but, in a very strange way, just more of the same for those home supporters who clogged the exits with ten minutes still to play.

When Manchester City lost to Wolves the other week, a colleague groaned “only the outbreak of World War Three could stop Liverpool now”.

Happy new year, and let’s start as we are likely to go on in 2020; with black facetiousness.

Children of a certain age always end up asking one day ‘what is the Watford Gap, daddy?’ Yesterday, you might have suggested it was the chasm in the earth De Gea wished would open up after yet another of his blunders.

In a parallel universe Manchester United released their first financial figures of the post-David Moyes era this week, concluding six glorious years in which the club seamlessly moved on from the retirement of Alex Ferguson.

As is now traditional here when United play the (snigger!) ‘Super Eagles’, I salute the entire mass of the Crystal Palace Irish Supporters’ Club.

Romelu Lukaku finally won his one-man battle to extricate himself from Old Trafford, Manchester United only losing £2m (€2.2m) on a player for whom they paid £75m two years ago, even if he left with a rebuke from Gary Neville ringing in his ears.

In the sporting realm, it’s obvious, but often under-appreciated in business is the maxim that you can’t get anything done without a team.

Des O'Driscoll has you covered on what's on this weekend.

Never mind the pointless abomination that was United versus Cardiff. The final whistle has just gone at Brighton versus City, and I find myself yelping a cheer for the triumphant Blues.

“Don’t get me wrong,” sighed a favourite old colleague as we balefully examined United’s dim final-week prospects yesterday morning. “I’m still glad Ole’s at the wheel. It’s just that he’s driving a sodding clown car.”

“Goodison is no place to go with a Spanish hangover,” fretted your pessimistic correspondent here last week, although not even I thought the week would turn out quite this badly.

Bienvenue from French Catalonia, where your correspondent is en route to watch either the end of United’s trophy hopes or one of the greatest nights ever.

I am writing this in southwestern rural France, an hour before the start of ‘Le Crunch’, as the French call their annual rugby highlight against the elderberry-smelling English hamsters.

Daniel Storey looks at the five biggest takeaways from the weekend’s action.

In one of those ludicrous articles where players’ putative contractual valuations are bandied about, Harry Kane was priced at €330m on Saturday. What’s he worth now, I wonder, after striking out last night? More to the point, what’s De Gea to be booked in at — half a billion?

So, the post-Fergie era consigns another manager’s Old Trafford reign to the history books, and with David Moyes’ six-year contract still having six months to run too!

Paul Pogba took barely half an hour to offer his epitaph for Jose Mourinho’s Manchester United career - or so it seemed.

Jose Mourinho has been in more than his fair share of make-or-break scrapes during his Old Trafford reign.

What a week this is going to be for the chief. Assailed by critics on all sides, ridiculed in the media, undermined by rebellious underlings, and with another European test looming. Is this survivable?

Is the match on the telly? It was once the kind of question that could at least bring some sort of certainty to your day.

So King Baby isn’t coming. We can all, starting with Leo Varadkar, exhale as one.

Your lunchtime bulletin.

And so with one coatless bound across Turf Moor, he was free; what a disappointing Sunday for all the Mourinho haters across the world.

In any good whodunnit, the search for the smoking gun becomes the focal point.

Worcester centre Ben Te'o has been ruled out of England's three-Test South Africa tour.

In the euphoric afterglow of the Liverpool victory, some of you may have been wondering about the seemingly anachronistic downbeat coda to last week’s column.

Ronan O’Gara says this Ireland team should want to complete the Grand Slam, then go to Australia in the summer and win a Test series down there.

Don’t be blinkered, there’s value and a great finish in this Passage West beauty, says Tommy Barker.

In another of our occasional series ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey José’, let’s take a peek at substitution fetishisation. (Oo-er.) Now there’s a phrase you won’t be used to seeing, not least because I just invented it.

Jose Mourinho accepts Manchester United are now unlikely to sign the wide man he had hoped for this summer.

IS there such a thing as Second Season Syndrome, of some sort? Y’know, akin to the Second Album Syndrome, so beloved of pop geeks?

Cristiano Ronaldo will be playing for Real Madrid next season and reports in Spain say Kylian Mbappe could be alongside him.

Manchester United did not target Gareth Bale this summer as Jose Mourinho believes it would have been a waste of time.

Fans were so eager, that the band’s website crashed shortly after the dates were posted.

For all the superlatives rightly thrown in the direction of Joe Schmidt’s team the past couple of days, one aspect of Soldier Field has probably still not been fully appreciated.

Des O’Sullivan says sale includes superb collection of Irish 18th century furniture and international art.