Sepp Blatter has insisted he has not resigned as Fifa president but the world governing body says the 79-year-old still plans to leave the position.

Michael Clifford explains why he loves John Delaney.

What do Sepp Blatter and Denis O’Brien have in common?

Between Mr Sepp ‘Steering The Ship’ Blatter (see elsewhere on this page), Mr Patrick ‘Golf Balls’ Neary (see the finance/comedy section) and Mr REDACTED REDACTED’REDACTED (see various legal eagles), it hasn’t been a great few days for prominent personages.

Sometime in the future, when professional sport has been closed down altogether, people will probably look back at the time America’s finest legal minds produced a rebuttal website on behalf of the New England Patriots that contained these sentences:

Sepp Blatter assured us, in June, that one day, probably late in his reign, we’d be playing intergalactic World Cups.

FIFA president Sepp Blatter has spelled out his plans to allow managers to challenge refereeing decisions via TV replays and said trials could take place in tournaments next year.

Seismic! Historic! Revolutionary!

When Alex Ferguson memorably described Manchester City as “noisy neighbours” he suggested the best way to silence them was by turning your TV on a bit louder.

MEMO to the Sports Editor From The Football Correspondent: Dear Commander in Chief, I popped in to see you this morning only to find that, not for the first time, you were slumbering peacefully at your desk, worn out after another long nocturnal shift at the coalface.

UEFA president Michel Platini claims the introduction of technology would be bad for football and says the additional referees being used behind the goal-line in European competitions would have seen Diego Maradona's infamous 'Hand of God' goal against England in 1986.

FA chairman David Bernstein last night admitted the attempt to have the FIFA presidential election called off is almost certain to fail but insisted a “coronation” of Sepp Blatter is unacceptable.

FIFA secretary general Jerome Valcke confirmed today that an email he sent suggesting the 2022 World Cup was “bought” was genuine.

YOU might have noticed that so grim are things in this country — with what few assets we have left now well and truly frozen — that it actually took the news of a man’s death this week to raise a genuine chuckle.

Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casillas says he is impressed by the approach of new coach Jose Mourinho ahead of their Primera Division campaign.

WHEW!

It would have been an altogether different spectacle in South Africa had our boys taken their rightful place among the nations of the earth. At least Sepp will know better the next time we ask for special dispensation.

WORLD football chief Sepp Blatter is under pressure after it emerged he oversaw the award of a €350 million World Cup contract to a company part-owned by the firm his nephew runs.

CHANCES ARE you still feel a bit queasy, a shade of green inching up around the gills this morning?

SPORT is more important to most of us than is probably healthy or wise.

Josep Guardiola has refused to be drawn on speculation linking Barcelona with Barclays Premier League stars Didier Drogba and Emmanuel Adebayor.

Now there’s a great idea for a song title. Though, like the noted Mancunian poet, John Cooper Clarke, I’d probably only end up getting ripped off by the unscrupulous music biz if I bothered to flesh it out.

SOMETIMES football seems to be about anything but football. Consider the Premiership, and how much print and airtime is devoted to money, rows, hype, mind games, scandals, takeovers and, on a daily basis, enough hot air to power global warming all by itself.

FIFA President Sepp Blatter yesterday launched a scathing attack on Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho for his behaviour during the club's Champions League campaign.

Estonian politicians today demanded a new investigation into the 1994 sinking of the Ferry Estonia, after Sweden acknowledged the vessel had been used to transport abandoned Soviet military equipment from the Baltics.