Joanna Fortune: My child hates going to the beach — I need a solution that works for both of us

Jumping in the sea waves concept for summer beach vacation

My seven-year-old hates going to the beach because he has to walk barefoot on the sand and negotiate the ebb and flow of the waves. 

However, my four-year-old son loves splashing in the water and making sandcastles. 

I’m often on my own with the boys, as my partner travels for his job, so I need to find a solution that works for both of us. What would you suggest?

It sounds like your son has a sensory-based aversion to the texture of sand, specifically how it feels on his skin. This is not uncommon and can be dealt with via gradual exposure or getting footwear, such as water shoes or sandals. I would suggest going to a footwear shop and seeing what style he feels most comfortable in.

There are also ways that you can gently, slowly build up his tolerance to sand and sea.

One approach is creating a small nature trail by arranging basins that contain different textures and inviting him to walk through it.

You will need four basins and a long strip of art roll paper.

In one basin, place textures like grass cuttings and leaves; in another, put sand; in another, put non-toxic paint. Starting with the sand basin, then the grass basin, followed by the paint basin, have him step into one after the other. 

Lay the art roll paper after the paint basin, where he can leave a trail of painted footprints before stepping into the basin with soapy water to wash it all off. End by drying his feet with a soft, fluffy towel. You can rub some scented lotion into his feet to increase the sensory experience.

I call this my ‘indoor nature walk’. He doesn’t have to do more than step in and out of each basin, but you can encourage him to stay longer, gradually.

Another playful technique to help with this is to take some caster sugar in a lunchbox-sized storage box. Pour some coloured poster paint on top. Put the lid on the box and shake it. This produces something close to a blend of sand. Invite him to play with it, using his hands.

Also, try rubbing a glue stick over a sheet of paper, and let him rub the sugar and paint the mixture across the page. If the texture on his hands is too much to tolerate, I suggest having a water basin close by.

Having a sandbox for your boys to play in at home is also helpful. It is safe and contained, and your oldest can easily remove himself from the uncomfortable texture, which may make it easier for him to try it out. By contrast, the sand is everywhere at the beach, and you cannot avoid it even when it feels uncomfortable.

Please don’t give up, but don’t push him too far, too soon, either. He is allowed to dislike the sensation of sand on his skin and to distrust the unpredictable ebb and flow of the sea water around his feet, just as his younger brother is allowed to enjoy both.

A destination with a swimming pool might be somewhat of a compromise, where one can have access to water and swimming without the sand or the unpredictable waves for the other.

Your son might never love being at the beach, but you can slowly, respectfully, and with play start to make it more tolerable.

If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]