Sex File: I like him but lovemaking on our first date was very awkward 

Having sex doesn't build emotional intimacy - communication does

Picture: iStock 

I had a great date with a lovely man. It went so well, in fact, that we slept together the same night - which didn't go so smoothly. I do want to see him again, and he's keen too, but the sex was just very awkward. Is this a lost cause?

This is definitely not a lost cause. First-time sex is, contrary to what you see in films, often abysmal, largely because there is too much information to process at once. You spend the date checking each other out and working out whether you have chemistry. Does he make you laugh? Does he excite you? If he passes the psychological test, you move on to the physical. While you are kissing him, you are probably assessing him while being aware you are also being assessed. It is not relaxed. It is frenetic, and for women cognitive distraction impedes orgasm, whereas generally for men a new partner can be so exciting that they climax quickly. If it is any consolation, it is more common for sex to be bad the first time. In a 2018 survey of 2,000 adults in America, 60% said that the first time they had sex with a new partner was terrible. However, only 30% said it was a deal breaker.