Sky’s the limit as numbers game kicks in

IT was 6.48pm before Sky Sports News got the shot they wanted. Fernando Torres’ shirt ablaze outside Anfield.

All day, they had been eyeing up the demoralised youths huddled outside Melwood. We’ll never know what incentives changed hands off-screen — clearly not enough to organise an effigy — but eventually three likely lads took the bait and set alight the number nine. Forget crossing the t’s — Nando was gone.

It had been a day of two halves. A long day. “No news is good news,” is almost certainly not what Ed Chamberlain said to Charlotte Jackson as they pair tucked in their own microphones before the morning stretch.

Yet brave faces were soon called for with 12 hours to fill and precious little sterling changing hands between the Premier League’s billionaire puppet masters.

Behind Big Ed’s beam there was already a hint of desperation when the day’s first “Breaking News” insisted there was no news at all from Villa Park, where Ashley Young’s future remained blissfully uncomplicated by interest from anyone.

Down south Chris Slater was panicking at Chelsea’s training ground, eventually resorting to “the manager Carlo Ancelotti arrived in the last hour”. Man Reports For Work.

Gary Cotterill threw himself in front of Harry Redknapp’s car to coax a few words from the deadline day specialist. “I would tell you, honestly,” he twitched, shaking his head but triggering every body language alarm in the book as Cotterill roared the names of every Spanish striker he could think of in the window.

There had been rumours that Torres had left Melwood in a helicopter, causing Richard Graves, the man posted at the gate, to sarcastically point out that “we might have noticed that”, all the while anxiously sneaking a peak at the skies lest he soon be seeking employment advice from Keys and Gray.

It was midday now and with nothing stirring anywhere — we’re not counting James Beattie’s medical at Blackpool — it needed a catalyst. Perhaps it was a call to the gaffer that did the trick. Perhaps Rupert scoured the familiar halls of hell for a trusted ally he knew could deliver the necessary pep talk.

Whatever it was, agent Hayden Evans was given the floor to bemoan the lack of movement. For Hayden, old-fashioned notions of loyalty and family values didn’t add up to anything near 10% per cent of a hefty signing-on fee.

“You question sometimes, frankly, if there is a lack of ambition there. There’s outside factors such as family that now come into play.”

It was Red Bull to a footballer’s double vodka. Deadline Day came alive.

Simon Thomas had taken over from Ed and the talk was now of a record-breaking day in British football, with Lenihan and Cowen seemingly bussed in to head up Liverpool’s negotiating team.

Soon Andy Carroll was being chaperoned in the direction of Anfield by his keeper Kevin Nolan, set to split Hernan Crespo and David Villa in the record signing listings and presumably being handed into the care of Steven Gerrard. Charlie Adam was on the road as well, with Liverpool’s bid apparently doubling by the hour.

There were reports Stephen Ireland had failed a medical on Tyneside, but that loan deal went through later anyway, perhaps once Newcastle realised Sol Campbell had sailed through the very same medical.

Andy Reid, too, had cause for a singsong, as he arrived at Blackpool to a ringing endorsement from Ian Holloway — “I think he’d be perfect for us, a little dinky doo footballer.”

Chelsea continued on their circuitous route to self-sufficiency by sending for David Luiz but clearly there was one thing holding up the main business of the day. Torres’ move could not be completed until the main man took back his manor.

When big Jim White did arrive on screen, he was giddy as Raphael van der Vaart at the Pick ‘n’ mix. Time briefly waited for Jim’s bidding. “The clock is ticking. It always does on transfer deadline day.” We left him to it, roaring, with 90 big minutes still left in his lungs. Against the odds, Sky had smashed it again.