Fear adds to fans’ excitement

I CAN’T remember who exactly first came up with the name “Theatre Of Dreams” for Old Trafford but one has to assume it was some kind of silly tabloid hack or cretinous PR git.

I have always loathed it, not least because a theatre is the last thing a vibrant stadium should be (although sadly, as I have tired of complaining, it does indeed resemble a hushed Old Vic too often these days).

Moreover, what kind of saddo dreams about football? I tell you this, until such time as a naked Catherine Deneuve in her mid-1960s incarnation turns up in the penalty box, it certainly won’t bear any similarity to my dreams.