EVER been in a traffic jam for ages and discovered it was because of a fatal crash, miles down the road?

Now that’s what you call a 10 out of 10 performance. Ten years since United last did the double over City; 10 games unbeaten now since our midwinter nadir.

Anthony Martial and Scott McTominay secured Manchester United a stunning third derby victory of the season as Ederson endured a dismal afternoon in the Manchester City goal.

Declan McBennett, RTE’s head of sport, spoke earlier this week about the national station’s coverage of last year’s Women World Cup and his sense that the tournament had proven to be a Rubicon moment for female sport around the globe.

Mamma mia! “Large public events might be cancelled,” Britain’s health secretary glumly admitted to a brow-furrowed interviewer on Sunday morning, as various worst-case coronavirus scenarios were put to him. Every United fan in the country will have immediately had the same thought: “What?"

Welcome back, dear reader. Fixture list oblige, it’s been three weeks since this column last appeared — but hasn’t our enforced separation done us all some good, hey?

Ask any long-suffering Liverpool fan like me what's been missing over the last 30 years, and one name comes to mind - Graeme Souness.

Once again, Edward Woodward wasn’t at Old Trafford to watch United on Saturday and, to be fair, you couldn’t blame him. Who would watch this tedious team out of choice, after all?

Manchester United, Chelsea, and Tottenham were all left scrambling forforwards on what was a damp squib of a transfer deadline day as last-minute panic left United desperately trying to seal a deal for random target Odion Ighalo.

LET’S start by reminding ourselves of yesterday’s obvious prematch golden oldie: “That pitch looks so awful, it could be a real leveller; it might give United a chance”.

“We are time’s subjects and time bids be gone,” wrote Shakespeare — the other one, not Craig at the King Power Stadium.

Eric Cantona's infamous kung-fu kick has been called football’s ‘JFK moment,’ when everyone of a certain age can remember where they were when it happened.

IT said it all about the predicament in which Manchester United find themselves that their 2-0 defeat to Burnley at Old Trafford on Wednesday night felt like a huge deal for the visitors but, in a very strange way, just more of the same for those home supporters who clogged the exits with ten minutes still to play.

Get your thinking cap on. Can you remember a more negative build-up to any United game in your life? I can’t. Try as I might, I couldn’t find anyone sensible who thought the result would be anything other than a defeat. Pressed for a further opinion, most of the lads I know offered various estimates of the size of the new bodily aperture we would be acquiring — “be it torn, punched, or drilled,” helpfully expanded a colleague.

Good things come to those who wait.

When Manchester City lost to Wolves the other week, a colleague groaned “only the outbreak of World War Three could stop Liverpool now”.

Just when Manchester United had kidded themselves they were closing the gap on their noisy neighbours, even if it was only by a fraction, they were brought back to cruel reality at Old Trafford in this Carabao Cup semi-final

Mick McCarthy says that Adam Idah has put himself “right into our thoughts” with his sensational hat-trick for Norwich in their 4-2 FA Cup win at Preston.

Nobody in these parts needs telling just how much potential Adam Idah has. But Saturday’s hat-trick in Norwich City’s 4-2 win at Preston in the FA Cup was the first glimpse for a wider English audience of what an incredible prospect he is.

Matt Doherty has backed Wolves to cause Manchester United more FA Cup pain.

A year to the day since Liverpool last tasted defeat, in a reverse to Manchester City that effectively cost them the league title, Mohamed Salah helped ensure his team remained firmly on course to put that matter right in 2020.

Let’s face it, decades ain’t what they used to be. There was a time was when you knew where you stood with a decade. The sixties? Flower power and beards. The seventies? Sideburns and disco. The eighties? Everything was massive: shoulder pads, mobile phones, hair. You used to be able to tell a decade simply by looking at the trousers involved.

Arsenal and Manchester United, who shared an intense title rivalry in the 2000s, meet tonight withsomething else in common in the 2020s: A continuing and complex challenge to regain that status after losing legendary managers.

How the football world will look in another decade...

It’s not been a common pre-kick-off feeling this season but, for once, looking at a United teamsheet gave me hope last night.

The result ended a run of three straight wins for Spurs in that time, and allowed United to move to sixth place.

It was the first day of meteorological winter yesterday, and the temperature had duly dropped on cue, perhaps reminding some at Old Trafford of Ice Station Astana.

Liam Brady is "looking forward to a good row with the lads", after it was confirmed that the famous RTÉ football panel will be back in the harness next week — on Premier Sports.

Jose Mourinho has been appointed as Tottenham’s new manager following the sacking of Mauricio Pochettino.

Ciaran Clark is wearing a broad smile at the Irish squad’s training base in Abbotstown — and with good reason.

Barring any training ground mishaps, two boys in green can be expected to dominate attention in tomorrow night’s friendly against New Zealand at the Aviva.

Whether it was our diving, the safety of their transport or VAR, they wove a narrative of City suffering all week.

Thursday's friendly against New Zealand comes just three days before a crucial Euro 2020 qualifier against Denmark.

Manchester United reached the last 32 of the Europa League in convincing fashion last night, a competition which is taking on increasing importance for Ole Gunnar Solskjaer in what has been a this frustrating ly average campaign.