Colin Sheridan: I'm just not ready to abandon X — yet

Being active on X is not an endorsement of Elon Musk's ownership, but it still seems to reward his grotesque neo-capitalist megalomania. Even so, I’m just not ready to leave

I know if I played five-a-side football with Elon Musk, I would despise him and everything he stands for. I famously have no interest in tracking back or tackling anybody on a soccer pitch, but I’d leave a foot in on Musk. File photo: Apu Gomes/Getty Images

After exhaustive research that was mostly conducted while sitting on the toilet, I have concluded that X — the time suck formerly known as Twitter — is the worst form of social media, except for all the others. 

I am not on any of the others, mind, save for fitness app Strava and a Bebo account I'm not fully sure I ever shut down. But, based on a dive so deep I saw figurative sea monsters, I am convinced that X remains the most democratic, if unbelievably toxic, space to hang out in. 

Granted, I am too old for Snapchat, too uncool for TikTok, too easily distracted for Insta, too cynical for LinkedIn and too lazy for the latest imposter — the offensively inoffensive Bluesky Social. 

I am X’s target audience. I doubt I could even get suspended. Though, like a break-up you’re too cowardly to initiate, I am intent on trying. Until then, we are stuck with each other.

Should I stay...

The reasons for this are multitudinous and swerve violently in their purity. On one hand, I want to watch two-minute clips of Rassie Erasmus motivating South African rugby players, especially when he says the word “d**khead” with such authenticity. It’s the closest I’ll ever come to life coaching and is more impactful than months of therapy. 

On the other, I want to know what the hell is happening in Gaza, in Lebanon, in Nablus, in Nyala, and I’ve yet to find a medium that will parlay that information to me with such haste and accuracy. 

To that end, I believe I’ve found accounts of people I can trust regarding the veracity of the horror unfolding. There is also a sense of solidarity and community in this exchange. 

It may be invisible, even entirely one-way and unrequited, but I’m at the point now whereby, if someone I follow and care about disappears for a couple of days, I genuinely fear for their safety. 

While my abandoning the platform may not affect the poor kid in Gaza who’s account I rely on for updates on the welfare of his family and their cats, it almost certainly makes me feel uneasy — guilty even — for switching off.

...or should I go?

Of course, this comes at a cost, and not just to one's mental health, but to your principles. 

I know if I played five-a-side football with Elon Musk, I would despise him and everything he stands for. I famously have no interest in tracking back or tackling anybody on a soccer pitch, but I’d leave a foot in on Musk. Some studs down the Achilles tendon, just to let him know I’m there. 

The same would be true if I worked under him, over him or around him. He gives me the friggen willies. Being active on X is not an endorsement of his ownership, obviously, but it still seems to reward his grotesque neo-capitalist megalomania.

Even so, I’m just not ready to leave. I can tolerate the thinly veiled ads for Scientology that appear on my feed. I even watch the odd one just to reassure myself that I am relatively sane. 

There’s one currently circulating about “workplace stress” that is so unintentionally funny, I’d nearly sign up to the pseudo-religion just to get out of my comfort zone. 

Most of the new followers I attract have non-descript names, have no followers themselves (while they follow thousands), and have peach and eggplant emojis featuring heavily in their handles. I get it, my feed screams wealth. They’re after it and I appreciate the hustle.

Clear blue skies?

Would any of this bother me on Bluesky Social? Maybe not, but for now, it all seems too safe, and to seek refuge there would constitute a betrayal to my rapidly deteriorating contrarian disposition. 

I’m a little bothered, too, by the verbiage deployed by many I already follow on X, as they announce their departure to, erm, bluer skies. “I’ve just landed in the other place,” they say, before adding the creepy kicker “why don’t you come join me?” 

What fresh hell is this? Eyes Wide Shut? I’m going to hold out for a little while longer. As one (admittedly very Lebanese friend) said to me last week “I don’t need a safe space for my rage. And I don’t trust clear blue skies”. 

So, until they leave, I’m staying with them. X might just be the best worst choice — toxic, duplicitous, enlightening and educational. An absurd metaphor for real life. 

When the time comes to finally go, I understand the wisest thing to do — for me at any rate — is to not abandon one vice for another, but ditch all of them, altogether. I’m just not quite ready to give up on the cats in Jabalia.

I need them more than they need me.