My last imaginary World Cup: I’m too old for professional football

IT HASN’T been easy but I have had to face reality. This will probably be my last World Cup.

I should clarify — this is the last World Cup that in my wildest day-dreams — I could have played in. At 36, if I had been fit I would have been the sixth oldest player at the World Cup and the third oldest outfield player.

I’m even older than Andrea Pirlo. He’s the Italian footballer who directed the defeat of England. In appearance, he looks like a cross between Gerard Depardieu and Chuck Norris. This is a man who looks like he could orchestrate a daring heist while seated in his study tasting wine and wearing a silk smoking jacket. You couldn’t have Andrea Pirlo calling around to your house. He’d be there at the door talking to your wife and she’d be laughing and touching her hair and Pirlo would compliment her on her choice of colour for the hall.