Back in the stable... and back in our box

Jose Manuel Barosso was quite rightly apoplectic and inconsolable, Herman Achille Van Rompuy was incandescent with indignation, Olli Rehn was incensed and infuriated, Mario Draghi was extremely vexed while Angela Merkel and Wolfgang Schaueble were exasperated.

No doubt all of this due to some pending nuclear attack by Iran, eruptions in the Middle East, problems with the ESM, the ESFM, the EFSF or the backstop, or maybe those Russians are again muscling in on EU territory. No, simply our own great leader Enda Kenny omitted to invite them to Paddy’s bailout exit party, making sure to keep all the goodies for himself.

Such a gaffe represents a major diplomatic faux pas in the galaxy inhabited by these pygmaean giants, who stride across the continents making all those nasty austerity decisions designed to screw unrepentant Paddy for screwing up Europe in the first place.

Not to worry, our Enda and Michael (Noonan) are in recovery mode and have it sorted; they will be flying out to Brussels at the first opportunity, with the two government jets laden with gifts and advisers, to dispense taxpayers’ largesse among those who must always be respected with undue and total deference.

Enda and Michael will prostrate themselves before our European betters and, as is their wont, seek forgiveness again for Paddy’s ingratitude and indiscretions. Compliant and submissive Paddy will meekly step back in his box and normal business will resume.

Meanwhile, back in the stable, Jesus wept, uncontrollably.

John Healy

Bishopstown Road

Cork