The Deirdre O'Shaughnessy Podcast: Why every child needs to be parented differently

Dr Colman Noctor explores why parenting cannot happen in isolation, and how community, friendship and inclusion can support children

Dr Colman Noctor: The parenting advice that puts community and inclusion at the heart of raising children

The world is awash with parenting advice – every newspaper and TV show has a parenting slot, and once the algorithm notices a change in your menstrual cycle, you will be bombarded with it, from pregnancy right through to parenting young adults, with strong opinions on attachment styles, feeding advice, gentle parenting and more.

But Irish Examiner columnist Dr Colman Noctor, a child and adult psychotherapist and mental health lecturer, argues in a new series that every child needs to be parented differently – but, crucially, this isn’t just up to their own parents.

In his new series, he looks at important parts of childhood – school, sports and friendships – through a lens of parenting different children according to their needs. His recommendations may surprise.

“If your child is thriving and they're popular and they're bright and they're clever, there's an onus of responsibility on them to be nice about that, to be a little bit gracious about it, because you have that power to include,” he says.

He believes that a lot of modern parenting advice treats challenges as an isolated problem for one family – when, in fact, community is often what’s missing from modern parenting.

The reliance on AI and online advice, meanwhile, means many parents are missing out on real connection.

“Parenting is a very lonely journey for many people. And if you don't have the village of people saying, you're doing a good job and you're doing great and this is working and all that sort of stuff, you're going to turn to the advice,” he adds.

Supporting children with friendships, promoting inclusion so that parents aren’t fighting problems in isolation, and making sure more capable children include others across school, sports and friendships is key to the advice in his new series.

In this episode, Colman and Deirdre discuss the importance of community and connection in parenting, inclusion, and how to be consistent when every child needs you to show up as a different parent.