It went over his head (and it wasn’t a plane)

NOEL Dempsey couldn’t slump down much further into his chair as the Dáil chamber erupted.

But then he should be well used to things going over his head — like the fact Aer Lingus was planning to shaft Shannon. Dublin Airport Authority knew, Belfast knew, and even his senior officials knew a full six weeks before Mr Dempsey’s says anyone bothered to tell him.

Arms smugly folded, slouched and glaring at the chamber ceiling he looked more like the Minister for Teenage Stroppiness than the Minister for Transport. He kept quiet, but his body language screamed out: “It’s sooo unfair!”.

Tánaiste Brian Cowen smashed down demand after demand to force his colleague to explain himself, taking on all comers with the aplomb of a head bouncer at a down-market nightclub. The Finance Minister was no doubt using the unpleasantness to steel himself for later when the dramatic falls in house starts, stamp duty revenue and GDP growth he was announcing would put the Government’s pre-election charge that the Rainbow parties would equal a slump coalition in an unflattering new perspective.

However, the sight of the day occurred when Fine Gael front bencher Michael Ring almost became airborne as he delighted the house with his impression of a human helicopter — the chippy chopper — waving his arms around manically while pointing up at the press benches which he claimed were deserted as every Irish journalist had been bought off to do Fianna Fáil’s bidding with Bertie Ahern’s gold.

Though it was an intriguing explanation for where all those lodgments into Mr Ahern’s accounts ended up, the accusation nonetheless came as somewhat of a surprise to the seven reporters watching the Mayo TD insist they were not there, even though he was just feet away.

But, sure, doesn’t Deputy Ring always know best?

This is after all the man in charge of FG’s Gaeilge policy — even though he can’t speak the language.

Thankfully Enda Kenny did not apply the same logic to the rest of the shadow cabinet appointments, so the education spokesperson can actually read and write.

By mid-afternoon Mr Dempsey had been forced back into the chamber to describe how it had taken the Irish Examiner to inform him a document marked for his attention outlining the Shannon threat was in his department on June 13.

The Tánaiste had clearly given Mr Dempsey a lunchtime teamtalk and he came out fighting.

No one on the opposition benches believed the minister — and he did care.

“If you want to call me a liar, Ruairi, come out and be man enough to do it,” he spat at former Finance Minister Mr Quinn.

So, Shannon was the political explosion of the summer and no one thought to mention to the Transport Minister his department had known all about the implications six weeks before Aer Lingus pulled the plug on the mid-west hub? How curious.

But not to worry, we will soon have the full, warts-and-all truth after the Transport Department’s investigation into how the Transport Department failed.

Mr Dempsey assures us there is absolutely no conflict of interest involved and it will all be a perfectly thorough and independent probe into why he didn’t know what he says he didn’t know.

Speaking of fairy tales, no doubt the minister would also find it perfectly acceptable if Goldilocks had been put in charge of the inquiry into who stole the three bears’ porridge.